WILD AND CRAZY DAY

Today was just plain fucking weird. Every year we have this big wine tasting event where the ballroom is filled from one end to the other with booths giving out free samples of wine and just about any other type of booze you can think of. Our ballroom is the size of a football field, and that is a shitload of booze. This event is set up for Tucson businesses by local distributors so that they can show off their product, old and new. There's food as well, that was my job, keeping the hor'dourves looking fresh and all. Anyway, there are spit buckets everywhere so that you can taste a little here and there without drinking a ton. Some people don't get this concept and drink way too much then end up shitty as hell. So, the first exciting event of the night was the lady with her head parked behind one of the ballroom doors barfing her brains out. Cheese and wine isn't so appetizing when it's in reverse. Jesus lady, the bathroom was only 20 feet away, what the fuck? Next, I went downstairs on some unrelated business and who did I bump into on the way down? None other than Pat Benatar! She didn't have makeup on and was totally dressed up like a tourist, hat and all. Pat looked a lot older than I expected she would. Think she's playing in concert tomorrow night at Old Tucson. So a little while later as things were winding down Rural Metro showed up with one of their ambulances for a medical emergency. Not sure what was wrong with the lady they had on the stretcher but they whisked her away pretty quickly. The husband was so drunk that he couldn't stand without someone holding him up. Foster Brooks didn't have shit on this guy, he was toast and then some. Resort management and his friends took his keys away from him but only after pleading with him for over a half an hour and then wheeled him out to a friends car via a wheel chair. The whole time he was mumbling about how he was o.k. to drive and he was going to kill somebody. The song "Party Gone Out Of Bounds" by The B52s bounced around in my head for a while after witnessing that. Alas, the function came to a end and we had a mess from hell to clean up. I swear to god that we poured at least $50,000 (if not more) worth of alcohol down the drain, no lie. It's against Arizona State law to remove opened bottles of alcohol from the premises so it had to be thrown out. I'm tempted to drink a beer and go to bed now.

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