Wednesday, March 31, 2004

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57 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER

It's hard to use ketchup or even Heinz 57 sauce because of my dad. Every time I went to use either of these lovely condiments I got a lecture about how to properly extrude these substances from their glass containers. Not almost every time, but EVERY time! If you were here I would show you how to do it, but your not so try and imagine if you can me holding a bottle of ketchup a little less than horizontally. Now, hit the bottle in the side facing down, NO! NOT LIKE THAT! I'm happy as hell my dad wasn't around while I was wiping my ass because I don't think I could have done that right either.

ROCK STAR UPDATE


Miranda is playing with the guitar quite a bit. Lessons will be in order soon. It's getting to the point where headphones will be necessary soon because the same notes being played over and over are almost maddening!


THE PASSION


I'm listening to audio tracts taken from the movie on a radio show. I'm failing to see anything passionate about knocking the shit out of someone. I'm thinking of making a short film of myself taking a dump and calling it THE CANDY STORE.

Saturday, March 27, 2004

SMALL TOWN, USA



This is a picture of people in the town where I grew up in Nebraska. Is it any wonder I almost went mad? Take a gander at the modern style and fashion. Even after 20 years of not living there I'm still thankful I took a gamble and moved to Tucson without ever being here before. It paid off!


ROCK GODDESS



Look at what Miranda got yesterday!  I'm investing in my retirement. She makes it real big, I get to retire early.

Friday, March 26, 2004

STICKY FINGERS J. ICE



That's my new pimp name. This page here is where I was given my new name. I found it via the blog called Idle Type which you can find on my blogroll. J. Ice in the hizzouse!


DREAM WEIRDNESS


I'm dreaming about work a lot again. Two nights ago I was stuck on Grant Rd. where the old TanqueVerde swap meet used to be and this caravan of East-Indian people were looking for rides. They were being transported on two large flatbed trucks which had both broken down. I tell them I'm going two blocks, they want rides to New York. So all of a sudden we are on walkie-talkies calling out for 47-Gary. That's radio talk from work. I was in dream land trying to hail a banquet captain for help. I'm loosing it! Then last night I dreamt I was at a meeting with the General Manager and some of my co-workers. I went to say something and the evil ones tried to talk over me. I just talked louder and ended up in the front of the room giving a speech. The GM was sympathetic with me but told me later on in the dream that there was nothing he could do about the nasty ones. I knew I had to do something about all of this.


WTF?


I'm horny and craving roast beef! What in hells great name is this all about?

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

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ROCK

Miranda wants an electric guitar. She totally wants to do the rock 'n roll chick thing. I told her that she needs to learn to play that thing, get really good then find three other chicks to form a band and I'll front it. I've got the heavy metal voice and how many bands out there have four teen age chicks in a band being fronted by an old bald white guy? It's got to work! We'll call ourselves GRANDDAD AND THE STEPSISTERS or something like that. We're going to be famous! Bring on the champagne and hot chicks!!!

WHAT THE....?


I'm truly baffled! The number of people visiting this page daily dropped sharply about two weeks ago. I was lucky if 20 even stopped by for a glance, and it even dropped down around 10 quite a few times. Now, all of a sudden the hits are back up to around 50 or so a day. Weird.


BRAIN DEAD


Yesterday I had a humorous post dreamt up for today. Today I can't for the life of me remember what it was. Only thing I can remember was that it involved my dad when I was younger. I've tried to remember what it was all day to the point where I'm almost going mad. Total brain fart, I can't remember....

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

FREEDOM



I made it out for a change! Went out and ate sushi, had some drinks, and even talked the band that was playing into letting me get up on stage with them and they let me sing a song! It was totally rad I tell you! I got great props from the people at the bar as well, even though it didn't go as well as I had hoped. My friends said I kicked ass. Then I started feeling real sick. May have been the wasabi interacting with the alcohol plus I smoked a few cigarettes (I don't smoke often) on top of all of that. So, I went home and did the Pepto thing and fell asleep. I think all the Tucson bloggers should get together and do Karaoke one of these nights. Oh, it was also Josie's birthday! I got her a nice arrangement of flowers, a card, and $30. She was pissed off that I didn't take her out anywhere. I told her she was lucky that I even got her anything seeing she hasn't even told me Happy Birthday in years, let alone gotten me anything. Sushi, motherfuckers!


DREAM WEIRDNESS


Twice now I have dreamt that Josie and I are at the adult store. Nothing really happens, just browsing. The funny thing is that Josie would never go into a place like that even if you paid her! Been dreaming about the greys (aliens) again.


WORK


It's going to slow down this week so I have a chance to write here. We have a cast of new on-call workers that is breathing some life into the department. I also have something new on the horizon at work, will type about it when it comes about. I also thanked one of the guest for being at the resort. I do it all of the time, thank them for their business. I guess this impressed one of the meeting planners for the group that was just in house dropping loads of money. So I got some positive feedback from management. It's still weird at work with the people getting fired recently. I have very little to say to some people. I'm mainly only speaking to people I consider my friends at work. There are two people I try to avoid at all costs now. I have a gut feeling things are going to get much better there soon.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

I TURNED INTO MY DAD!


It's true, I'm my dad now. I repeat all the things I hated my dad saying to me as a child. I have the same temperament as well. Josie calls me by my dads name a lot because she even noticed this. My brothers have said the same thing. How did this happen? I on the other hand am still a rock and roller through and through. I'm still a huge metal head. I'm going to be a scary old man, shitting himself and listening to metal. Euthanasia better be legal when I'm older.


BEST BUY


What's up with the hot black chick following me around at Best Buy? She wasn't the prettiest thing in the world but man was she built for speed, and she was following me around the store.  I'm serious, maybe she digs older white dudes, or maybe she caught me checker her out and enjoyed the attention. It was weird. I was buying GameCube stuff, there she is. I walk over to the DVD section, there she is. Car Stereo, there she is. Even followed me to the check out line where she proceeded to whip out a large roll of $100 bills. That whole trip to Best Buy was just weird.


AFTER THE FALL


Talking to Dennis as I type this, pretty negative chat. He's thinking about working in a book store or someplace quiet. I'm also finding out how hard it is to type and talk at the same time. Funny how things work at my place of employment. The shit stirrers get treated well and the hard workers get shit on. Life is grand.

Sunday, March 14, 2004

CALLING DR. LOVE



I know I should call Dennis seeing he got fired a few days ago but I'm going to hold off. I have enough to worry about and think about without listening to him go over the same thing about seven times or more in one conversation. He's one of these people who will beat a subject to death even when you said your going to hang up now and then keep you on the line another 30 minutes. I think it sucks that he got fired, and I think the people who headed up this little lynch mob are vindictive, but one has to watch what they say and who they say it in front of. I'm being super quiet at work and not saying a whole bunch. Tomorrow is a departmental meeting and I'm sure the shit will hit the fan in one way or another. A lot of things are going to swing in my direction, but in a positive way. It's time things change for the better at work.


COVER SONGS


These are a few songs I'd like to hear famous people cover, even if some of them are dead:


Bob Dylan - Karma Chameleon
(Culture Club)

Ethel Merman - Whole Lotta Love
(Led Zeppelin)

Jimmy Swaggart - Rubber Biscuit
(The Chips)

Tiny Tim - I Wanna Dance With Some Body
(Whitny Houston)

Carol Channing - Hey Ya!
(Outkast)

Friday, March 12, 2004

LOST TIME


I realize that I don't have much of a clue about what has been happening in the news. Being at work so much as of late keeps me tied up and the little free time I have had has been spent sleeping. So I'm clueless as to what is happening in the world. I think a train blew up in Spain, and I heard something about the black wind of death.


WORK


It's a weird place at work. Two guys fired this week, another got a better job and is leaving. I will probably be doing something a little different at work but will wait to talk about that until it actually comes to light. I'm afraid to say anything at work at all. I'm going to remain quiet and wait for the storm to blow over. I think more people will be gone before long. I need to remain calm and quiet.


GAME CUBE


Seeing that last year we were so broke around Miranda and Brandon's birthday Josie decided to get Brandon his present now even if it is about five months early. So he got a game cube! Rock! I'm going to go out and buy some cool games for it. I like that Mario Cart game.


SPAM


This is the subject of an E-mail I got today:


Ad- My son is 4, old enough to leave him at home while I go to the clubs and fuq


What the fuck? Like I'm going to open this and see what it is? O-kay, so I did! Just your run of the mill MILF DVD for sale. And what the hell is a cock sandwich?

Thursday, March 11, 2004

ALL OUT WAR



It's war at work now. It's an all out power struggle against the old faction and they are going down. Things are unbearable there and I'm being forced to basically live there at the same time. I'm making lots of money so that's alight. One of the alcoholic drug addicts decided to get in my business yesterday, this person is a repeat offender and is going down next. Wish I could say more but I can't. We had one person fired last week, more to come soon. I'm hanging in there, and it's not pretty.


FUNNY STUFF


It's hard to remember the funny things that have been happening because of the immensity of the negativity at work. Some guest with funny names this past few weeks were Mike Hunt and Ed Zeppelin. I'm not making this up. Two nights ago while offering coffee to people a gentleman asked if he could get some tea. I asked if he had any preference and he said he liked the hot Asian type. I told him I like hot Asians too, but was curious about the kind of tea he wanted. This guy about fell off his chair from laughter. There is a ton more but I'm tired and have almost zero recall. I need to start writing this down at work as it happens.

UPDATE!!

My best friend at work just got fired!!!!!! This is getting scary!!!!


BLOG


Maybe I'm just tired but the desire to keep this blog going is waning. If you read this blog, please give me some good reasons to keep it going! I'm having trouble finding any myself.

Sunday, March 07, 2004

I KNOW WHERE WALDO CHUMLEY IS!



Anyone remember the post last year from June 24th? Well, it's taken quite a while but the drug addict known as Chumley did himself in today. I don't know what he was on but security had to escort him off property and he refused a drug test. I called it when I said it was going to be a rough year. Two of the drug addicts from that post are gone, two more to go. Tomorrow is the triple shift from hell that everyone is upset about. I'm going to take it all very slow. Life goes on. I'm already tired as hell, but this tip pool is going to rock! HELP ME!


LOW


This hits on this page are at an all time low. People like it better when I talk about masturbation and stuff like that. I don't know why but but the last time I talked about that subject my hits went up for two weeks. I know most guys do the mambo but a lot of girls either don't do it or are afraid to admit it. Why are we all still so afraid of sex? Anyway, most people have some kind of fetish. Mine happens to be Goth Asian Women in stockings




like you all wanted to know.

TIRED


I'm tired, I'm living at work, it's busy, that's good and bad. The money is great so I won't bitch. Drama at work is on overdrive, so over the top that one of the old ladies caused herself to have a heart attack! So how do you deal with it? Well, the gossip league seems to think our boss caused it but it's the simple fact that she isn't a healthy person. The schedule for work came out and we are busy as hell, this person is on a hour restriction due to bad health, on the day where every body is working three shifts she got scheduled for a triple, but in three hour shifts. So she has to work nine hours where the rest of us have to work at least 17. Some of the other old ones got her riled up and she had either a mild stroke or heart attack. My advice is that it's time to move on. If I were that ill I would find something that isn't going to kill me. There are a lot of people who need to move on. One of my best friends at work is one of those people, and he has been saying it himself. So I would say, GO! I'm tired of the drama, it used to be such a fun place to work. I have faith that it can be that way again someday. Maybe I will work some magic and win the lottery. Maybe I'm so tired that I'm babbling like an idiot.


Tonight we had an Indian (as in East Indian) wedding. I'm tired so I will keep this brief. Beautiful women. I got complements from the people in my section, they told the meeting planner so that was good for me. It was a royal pain in the ass as far as work goes, I was lucky and got to go home at midnight while others are still there working. I got home and couldn't find another uniform to wear tomorrow. I asked Josie if she had seen one and she got short with me. I walked in here and noticed that Brandon wasn't in his bed. I asked Josie where he is, she got short with me again over a simple fucking question. I blew up and told her not to be such a bitch. I'm going to sleep in Brandon's bed seeing it took an argument just to find out that he is staying the night at a friends house. I am way fucking tired and don't need this shit. I swear, this is behavior stemming from her mom living here and all that. I think it's time for her to go. I won't stand for this!!!

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

ASHOURA DAY SALE!
WE'RE SLASHING
CHILDREN PRICES!



Let them know the comfort, the love, the sheer madness of religion! And people think I'm a whack nut! I don't think I've ever done anything like this to my children. Sure, I've made them sit through Monty Python, I've made them listen to Frank Zappa, and I've even hugged them and told them I love them, but I've never hit them on the head with a sword and made them bleed! Wonder what they do on Hemorrhoid Day? Put down the knives you silly bastards!


MARS


Looks like there is or was water on Mars. Probably means life exists or existed there. I think it's their way of inching us towards the "first contact" scenario. Seven years or less, I'm telling you. I heard a guy from SETI say he thinks a minimum of 25 years. We shall see.


SPAM


What in the fuck is going on with spam? Either retarded people are sending me spam or someone who has no idea how to spell is doing it for them. I got this in my E-mail today:



fabuklous!



I took the only one pijll of Cialgs and that was such a GREAT weekend!



All the girls at the party were just punch-drungk with my potentiagl

I have fged all of them THREE times but my dgck WAS able to do some more!

Cgalis - it`s COOL!!! The best weekend stuff I've ever trgied! Haven`t you tgried yet?

SMELL



Nobody can smell up a house like Josie's mom can! Damn, you would think that chemical spray would mask it but it only intensifies the smell in the long run. I always felt proud being able to putrefy our humble surroundings and send the kids running, but I have been shown the error of my ways. I no longer find it funny seeing that I've been beaten at my own game. Holy shit, what in the hell does one eat to produce that acrid nastiness?


THROW NANA FROM THE TRAIN


I told you being a nice guy would bite me in the ass! I allowed Josie's mom to move in because I didn't want to be a bad guy, I wanted to help. I knew that this would turn on me though because I know how her family operates. I have a full time job as does Josie. I have two children that I have to make sure get an education, food, and a decent existence. Josie's family have criticized us for not baby sitting her mom 24 hours a day. She isn't that feeble and doesn't need that kind of care. Also, family members are showing up on a daily basis asking for money for beer and hanging around to get fed as well. It's now starting to effect my marriage and I'm afraid things are going to degrade to the point where Josie's mom will have to move out and live with someone else. Josie and I talked about this tonight and she agreed that if others think a better job can be done then they can step forward and take over. I was very clear at the beginning of this venture that I would not let this come between my family and I. Stay tuned, it's going to get worse before it gets better.


MY BLOG


Simply put, I will not be censoring my blog after much thought. I'm not here to offend the reader, and understand if I am having a rant that is against Christianity then chances are I have a reason behind it so don't take it personally unless I have your name attached to the post. Also understand that this isn't a country being run by people of the Left Hand Path but rather Christians, so if you don't want me to fight back, then get those that attack my very existence daily to stop attacking me. Start with our lovely president and his idea that we need to amend the constitution. Try walking in my shoes for one day, I've already walked hundreds of miles in  yours. No hard feelings towards anyone, I just want to keep this blog honest, no matter how bizarre it may seem to the average person. The purpose of this blog was and still is a place for me to jot things down that are effecting me on a daily basis. This included all the strange shit that happens to me and some times it helps to type it out to relieve stress. If you have questions or wish to send me IMs I'm willing to talk to anybody about the subject of the paranormal or even religion. And again, this blog is a type of therapy for me, don't take the things I say here personally.