Monday, March 31, 2003


Bet these little boys would love to see daddy come home in a box.

I'm afraid to speak anymore! Doesn't matter what you say either, people don't want you to have a real opinion on anything. People expect black or white on this issue of war. I'm still very torn on where to stand on this whole war situation because it's not black or white. So, as you might expect, I get shit from both sides. Sure we all want Saddam to go bye bye, but where are the weapons of mass destruction? But then again I need to sit back and not be so impatient, we aren't sitting at the drive through at McDonald's, it's a war. Fast food television culture for the brainless. When they are they going to super size this motherfucker?


This might fill you in on how bored I am sitting here on my day off doing laundry! Check out this link for the song School Bus. I
think it's funny, but then again I'm an idiot with too much free time.


Changed the look of the page again, just to see if it looks any better. I'm not sure that it does. Might just go back to the old format. Let me know if you think this page looks o.k. in your opinion!

Sunday, March 30, 2003

Bet these little boys would just love to see daddy come home in a box!


Wow! I got some sleep! Worked a totally easy breakfast with Will Miller and Armando A. then went home and made threats to those who might be in the position to wake me up. It worked. I slept from 10:00 a.m. till 3:30 p.m. this after noon. Josie was in one of those moods too. God we are out of sync! I literally was too tired to do the deed. Anyway, enough of that.

(With fingers in his ears) "La la la la la la la la......"

Dennis S. was over to pick up LaKota right after I woke up. She stayed over night here with Miranda last night. She's a good kid. He said he found a picture of Mark Winkleman and me from back when Dennis and I were roommates. I guess I was drinking and I was skinny on top of that. Said I had on a Batman t-shirt on. So that must have been around 1988 or so. Wonder if I'll ever be that thin again.... Nothing more else to write just now. Just not much in the mood to type anything of merit out. I'm a dolt.

Saturday, March 29, 2003



Breakfast and lunch today. Was pretty simple, even though I was brain dead because I only got about three very broken hours of sleep the night before. JOY! Only work breakfast tomorrow. MORE JOY!


Saw the movie "I Shot Andy Warhol" a few nights ago. Great movie! Boy, was Valerie Solanas a psycho or what? Great movie none the less. Lili Taylor was great in this movie. She is actually on the list of famous people I've served food to. She answered the door of the Waterfall Presidential Suit when I worked at Loew's Ventana Canyon Resort. It was Johny Depp's room but she was the one who answered the door. Think I said, "Sing me a song about Joe." She giggled. Had to do with the movie "Say Anything" where she plays this rock and roll chick who writes all these songs about her ex-boyfriend Joe. That was back in the 80's.


Josie's mom is just fine. She didn't actually have a stroke, but was very close. Guess her blood pressure was through the roof! Good thing they caught it in time. She's on medication now so that is a good thing. You might notice a little difference in the text of this page now. I'm using the HTML Composer in Mozilla to edit the text and everything. I'm an idiot and never even thought of it until today for some reason. I was inserting HTML code manually. This should look a whole lot cleaner and be a whole lot easier on me.

Friday, March 28, 2003


Not sure what is going on but I got a call at work tonight from Josie. She was crying and said that her mom had a stroke. Got off of work early (four hours later) and went to the Emergency Room. Some of Josie's family was there but nobody knew what was going on. I don't think it was because nobody told them anything, but more like that they just have no clue what is going on at any given time. They are a huge family of 13 kids that grew up in poverty, none of them have an education, and they are still a bit dysfunctional. Miranda wanted to stay there with Josie so she could hang with her cousin, Brandon said his legs were tired. I took Brandon home with me and we made some popcorn. He fell asleep pretty fast.


Brandon started a line of questioning about dinosaurs on the way home that lasted over a half hour or so. I finally had to cut him off and say enough was enough. He gets caught up in these hypothetical "WHAT IF???" scenarios. "What if a teradactyl attacked us in the car, what would we do?" "What if a teradactyl was flying and someone in a helicopter hit it?" "What if a dinosaur was at the zoo?" He also does the "HOW COME?" questions. "How come a dinosaur is bigger than a car?" It had to be stopped!


I need to go to bed soon because I work in about four hours. Josie and Miranda are still at the hospital and I'm afraid that if I go to sleep they will wake me up when they get home. I'd never get back to sleep then. Insomnia, you've got to love it.


Just took the kids to school. Josie just called and wants me to fill out some info for her and take it to the dentist. She had a tooth crack and needs a bridge now. Going to cost me $1200 to fix her teeth. Oh joy... Guess that means the trip to Nebraska might not happen this summer. I'll write more later. But look at this:

House approves national day of prayer and fasting

(03-27) 11:12 PST WASHINGTON (AP) --

The House passed a resolution Thursday calling for a national day of humility, prayer and fasting in a time of war and terrorism.

The resolution, passed 346-49, says Americans should use the day of prayer "to seek guidance from God to achieve a greater understanding of our own failings and to learn how we can do better in our everyday activities, and to gain resolve in meeting the challenges that confront our nation."

Under the resolution, President Bush would issue a proclamation designating a specific day as a day of "humility, prayer and fasting."

White House spokeswoman Claire Buchan said officials there had not looked at the resolution but "the president believes that faith and prayer are important and frequently references the importance of praying for American troops and for freedom around the world."

A similar resolution approved on March 17 said it was the sense of the Senate that that day should be a national day of prayer and fasting.

During Wednesday's House debate, some lawmakers expressed concern about the measure.
Democratic Rep. Dennis Kucinich of Ohio, a presidential hopeful and an opponent of the war in Iraq, said the resolution "may be seen by some as an attempt to inject religion into this war at a time when some of America's enemies abroad are asserting that this indeed is a war about religion."

This is fucked up! Where is the separation of CHURCH AND STATE? There isn't one! This is dangerous.

Wednesday, March 26, 2003


When did McDonald's join the war?

Damn, I know fast food is bad for you, but did we really ship shit loads of free McDonald's to the Iraqi army in hopes that their arteries would clog up and they would all just up and die of a mass heart attack? I think we did, and these people are fighting mad about it!!


Now for the lighter side of war. Here is a picture of some happy Iraqi people being liberated by the fun loving American Armed Forces:

Did you see the joy on their faces, the feeling of freedom we're bestowing upon them? I feel the love! This whole thing is going to be long and drawn out, it is a war. This isn't the fast food version of Vietnam. So buckle up kids, it's not going to be pretty. In fact, take a look at this:

I saw this picture two days ago of a little Iraqi girl who had been blown up by one of our missiles. I sent it to quite a few people that had sent me e-mail tainted with patriotic Christian mumbo jumbo. The subject was, "This could be your child!" So if your all excited about this war, and feel your God has his hand in it, and that he's on our side then your probably right. The God of the bible does these kinds of things to children. He's a sick motherfucker who loves pain and tragedy. Fuck your God!

Tuesday, March 25, 2003

I'll post something today in just a bit. Josie is having a fit about me being on the computer and she's hungry. Got to go cook. BBL

Sunday, March 23, 2003


O.k. I learned my lesson! This was day three of the Atkins diet, and you know what? That's enough of that shit! I spent last night and all day today shitting my brains out!!! The fact that I spent yesterday and today with a major headache on top of all that I would rather be fat than sick on a stupid diet like that. And all I could think for the past three days when eating was, "ICK! I like meat, but not this much." So tonight I drank a pepsi and ordered a pizza and I feel normal again. Going to just cut out eating all that good food at work all of the time, and cut down on all the shit I eat. Popcorn only once a week.


Those nice folks over in Iraq decided to take some of our guys as prisoners then execute them and show their dead bodies on t.v.

If the USA did this there would be such an outcry from the whole world. And it looks like there has been a chemical weapons factory found in Iraq this evening. I pulled down my pants at one point today and there was a penis there! How did that thing get there? Look at Iraq people! And you think Saddam wasn't going to try and build nuclear weapons next? Give me a break, and quit all the tree hugging love your neighbor bullshit! This is the real world people. Sure, oil has a lot to do with this as well, but the fact is that that Saddam had every chance in the world to come clean, and didn't. He never would have! So the U.N. could have gone on with this dance for ever. Meanwhile, Saddam builds a nuclear bomb and then starts threatening us just like North Korea is doing. Then you have twice the problem.

No, I don't enjoy the fact that people on both sides are dying! The U.N. needed to show that they have some balls, and France, Germany, and Russia should have stepped up to the plate. But they didn't did they? And now it looks like someone in Russia has been selling Iraq arms, even up to last week. Very nice. And my gut feeling, and I hope I'm wrong on this, is that there is going to be a nasty blowout near Baghdad with chemical or biological weapons, and maybe even nuclear. This isn't going to be pretty, and you can thank Jesus, Allah, and oil.

Friday, March 21, 2003


Wow, they bombed the hell out of Baghdad today! I'm sure it's not over either. Will be interesting to see what it looks like in the daylight. It's weird watching the war on t.v. because it's more like a movie than reality. Not much to say about it anyway because what is happening with N. Korea is far more scary and shocking. They are ready to nuke us.


I stopped at the book store to pick up a book on the Atkins diet this morning. Dennis called me last night and convinced me that I truly am a fat ass! He started eating better and challenged me to do something about my weight so I figure it's time to do something for myself. So it's time to to the low-carb thing. I'm already getting the no caffeine headache due to lack of Pepsi! Oh Pepsi, drink of the Gods, I'm going to miss you! We will see how well this all goes. I have also drank enough water to fill a bucket today. Oh, it's going to be tough!!!

Thursday, March 20, 2003


Is God love? God is a murderer. We are to follow his example? Here are some great examples:

* Numbers 31:17 Now therefore kill every male among the little ones.
* Deuteronomy 2:34 utterly destroyed the men and the women and the little ones.
* Deuteronomy 28:53 And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters.
* I Samuel 15:3 slay both man and woman, infant and suckling.
* 2 Kings 8:12 dash their children, and rip up their women with child.
* 2 Kings 15:16 all the women therein that were with child he ripped up.
* Isaiah 13:16 Their children also shall be dashed to pieces before their eyes; their houses shall be spoiled and their wives ravished.
* Isaiah 13:18 They shall have no pity on the fruit of the womb; their eyes shall not spare children.
* Lamentations 2:20 Shall the women eat their fruit, and children.
* Ezekiel 9:6 Slay utterly old and young, both maids and little children.
* Hosea 9:14 give them a miscarrying womb and dry breasts.
* Hosea 13:16 their infants shall be dashed in pieces, and their women with child shall be ripped up.

Yea, I feel the love!


Does this look like the guy who is going to defeat America with the help of God?

Looks more like a defeated if not hurt Saddam to me. Look at his face, he's scared shitless! Television is saturated with nothing but War today. It's either war or Brady Bunch reruns. Added a link to GOD IS FOR SUCKERS! Been reading it daily, brings up a lot of great points. Take a look, links are on the left. I've been so lazy today that I have slept almost the entire day away. Took the kids to school then went back to bed. Josie came home, went out to eat then went back to bed. Arg!

Wednesday, March 19, 2003

I just took a test to see what swear word I would be, if I were one that is. Guess which one I am:

I'm a dumbass!

What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Last night we were having sandwiches for dinner. I went into the kitchen to grab myself something to drink. Miranda yells out from the dining area, "Dad, bring me some chips!" I answered back, "What kind of chips?" She yells back, "Corn chips!" Being the funny and slightly insane person that I am replied, "Did you say "PORN" chips?" And before she could answer, Brandon says, "Ooooooh, those are SPICY!!!" Of course he has no idea what porn is, but the fact that he said that while trying to interject a bit of Brandon humor was just funny as hell. Miranda and I about wet ourselves.


Less than five hours left before we potentially go in and bomb the hell out of Iraq. I wish that guy (Saddam) would just leave and spare a lot of lives, but I don't think that is going to happen. I'm not feeling good about the loss of life that is about to come, on either side. Something has to be done though to get that guy out of there. And when he uses chemical or biological warfare is the rest of the world going to act shocked and amazed that he still has these things? Our news is treating it like the Super Bowl, countdown and all. The world truly is a pathetic place to be at the moment. Hey, winner gets to play North Korea!!!


I think it's funny speaking about Alien life, or more advanced life forms than ours with Christians. They, with their blinders on, refuse to believe that anything exists outside our little war hungry world with their war hungry God camping out watching this little rock in a solar system grounded in a not so spectacular galaxy. They say that no life exists beyond our little planet, with the billions and billions (sounds like Carl Sagan) of stars inside billions and billions of galaxies. Seems like a waist of time and "creation" if you ask me. The other thing I find funny is that when you bring up the possibility of intelligent life knowing about our planet they ask, "Well, why don't they reveal themselves then?" I don't know, maybe for the same reason your God doesn't reveal himself? Also, if you were an advanced civilization able to travel from wherever to this planet, you would have to be thousands of years more advanced than we are. Do you think this advanced society would be willing to invite us into their galactic family and share their technology with us when we can't even handle the technologies we already have? And as far as I'm concerned, the "Gods" of this world are nothing more than myth. We are not advancing on a human level that is keeping pace with our level of technology. And thus we have a bunch of greedy nations bent on turning out little planet into an ash tray in the name of greed and God. How lovely! Until we advance as humans, and put away our fears and myths, we will be stuck in this endless cycle. It's almost too late already. Time to wake up!

Monday, March 17, 2003


Well, here we go. Kind of hard to take any side on this whole war with Iraq. On one hand thousands of innocent people will die, on the other hand you have a mad man in control of a country who threatened the world yesterday.

"When the enemy starts a large-scale battle, he must realise that the battle between us will be open wherever there is sky, land and water in the entire world.'' - Saddam Hussein

Remember this is the same guy who gassed Kurds in his own country. This guy is like a four year old with a loaded pistol in his hand, and he's pissed off as well as belligerent. Do you really want this guy around long enough to get a hold of a nuclear weapon of any sort? I know quite a few people here in Tucson that are from Iraq who are excited about getting rid of Saddam so that they can go back home. ALL of them have lost loved ones because of this man. They know the real threat and they can no longer live in their own country. So you can play the tree hugging role and protest the war or you can take the fascist role and hope for a real ass kicking. I see positive and negative results from both sides. So I stand on the sidelines like a spectator, waiting for the game to start. I've got a bag of pop-corn and a pepsi and it's just a matter of when the players run onto the field to start their silly little game.

And the French? Fuck the French! I've yet to find much redeeming anything coming from the French. I know this is going to sound like a redneck speaking, but they could be Germany right now if things had not gone better for them at our expense! Ever seen a Frenchman trying to drink a Corona beer with the lime still wedged in the top of the bottle? I have, and it's funny as hell! The French are only worried about their sale of various items and produce to Iraq. I deal with French tourist on a regular basis, and like I said they have few redeeming qualities. I'll rant more later. Brandon is getting out of school soon and I need to get things going. CHOW!

Sunday, March 16, 2003


God! It's past noon already and I just got up. I have to go to work in about 20 minutes so this is going to be short.

Josie had about seven people over here last night when I got home. Mostly her family. They had Mexican music blaring real loud and they were drinking Bud Light and making pork chops on the grill. I smiled and said hi then moved into the living room where Miranda was watching my Cradle of Filth "Heavy Left Handed" concert video. She was actually watching the documentary on that DVD. Afterwords we watched the concert. Oh the joy of watching people see Cradle of Filth for the first time. People kept wondering in to see what all the noise was about. These people are used to Mexican music, not rock, and they have never heard of black metal. It was funny anyway.

I got to get going, working a cater out function at Old Tucson tonight. Got to be there an hour early because I get to drive the truck out there. It's raining, oh what a joy this will all be! I'm out.

Saturday, March 15, 2003


Not much time to type today but this is kind of what I had on my mind. This is cut and pasted from someone else's page so forgive my plagiarism. But it makes the points I wanted to make, including my children. Hope you enjoy this. If your a Christian you might want to move on and go somewhere else. - Joe


I, for one, am sick and tired of hearing about the benevolence of the xtian "god." If he does exist, this being must have a PR department that makes the boys in Washington cream their jeans just thinking about them. By claiming to have created all of existence, "god" admits that he is personally responsible for disease, natural disaster, and other catastrophes. But the closest he ever comes to being at fault for any of it is the enigmatic "the lord works in mysterious ways." All of the glory and none of the responsibility...


I know there are some hard core fanatics who were told from birth that "god" only does good things, and that the devil is responsible for all of the bad stuff that happens. Well I have only one thing to say to those people - HAVE YOU EVER ACTUALLY READ YOUR BIBLE?

There are numerous references to the "good" things that "god" does. Don’t believe me? Just ask the people of Sodom and Gomorrah. Ask the people Noah didn't let on the boat. Are you trying to convince me that even the children of Sodom and Gomorrah were "evil"? Do you mean to say that Noah was the only "good" person on earth? Because I don't buy it!

How about the first born sons of Egypt? What did they do to deserve the wrath of the father of benevolence? What horrible crime did these children commit? Am I to believe that "god," who is "gracious and just," would punish these children for the sins of their parents? And not every Egyptian was responsible for the enslavement of the Israelites, yet the first born son of EVERY Egyptian family was slain. How does "god" justify that?

I know the fanatics among you are foaming at the mouth waiting to spring your favorite defense... "but that was in the old testament..." So fucking what! Are we to absolve "god" of all his past crimes? As far as I know, this "god" has yet to pay his debt to society. Or did I just miss his parole hearing.

I would also like to remind those chosen few that the old testament is also where the ten commandments are written. If part of the old testament is invalid, than the remainder must be as well. After all, how can we selectively believe portions of a "divinely inspired" piece of literature?

Does this grace allotted to the "creator" extend to us? Can I kill someone and show up to court with a prism and a flashlight to show I am sorry? That's what the rainbow was all about. Your "god" killed several hundreds of thousands of people, but, to say he was sorry, he gave us a rainbow and said, "I'll never kill everyone again." How fucking gracious of him...

But for the sake of argument, let's take a brief glance at the new testament. That's the book were "god" sends his son to be slain so that you can be forgiven of sin. That may sound like a great thing, but think about it for a second.

1) All people are born with sin. Don't be mad at me. It's xtian doctrine. (Mary alone was said to be born with out the burden of "original sin." That's what the "immaculate conception" means. Sorry to disappoint you. The other thing that you have been calling "immaculate conception" is actually "virgin birth." Don't feel too badly though. I know priests who get that one wrong.)

2) The only way "god," an all powerful being who once said "let there be light" and commanded the sun to shine, could find it in his "gracious and just" heart to forgive the shortcomings of man, a being whose creation he is solely responsible for, was to create a son and then have him murdered as part of some enigmatic "divine plan."

3) The actual bible verse that talks about this has a lot to say about the mentality of "god." It reads: "For god so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son. So that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life." So our choice is accept this drivel or die. They seem to over look that "or die" part don't they?

Now you may think me bitter. Well I am. You see, I had sex with my wife during her period, and, according to Leviticus 15:24, I was unclean for 7 days. On the eighth day I was supposed to bring two doves to the tent of the lord's presence and give them to the priest who would offer one as a burn offering and on as a sin offering. But I couldn't find the tent. I looked everywhere. It seems this tent is not in Green Bay, Wisconsin.

But, I wasn't truly an opponent of the xtian faith until I had children of my own. Then I recalled this little beauty. Matthew 10: 35-37 for those of you following along at home.

"For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a man's foes shall be they of his own household. He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me."

I know that this is going to sound sappy. Well too bad. No one could replace the feeling you get when those kids run to meet you at the door after a hard day's work. My children love me unconditionally. They don't care if I don't give enough offering on Sunday. They don't care how much I prayed. All they know is that daddy is home.

Then I look into the eyes of my daughter or my son and I ask myself how "god," or his bastard son, could intend to set us against each other. What kind of being would do that? And how is that in the best interest of my children or me?

There is not one single creature in all of existence that holds more of my heart than those two children. If that is the price that the xtian "god" demands than fuck him! I can handle the spiritual extortion they refer to as offering. I can sit through sermons ad nauseum. But I can not love those children any less and it is impossible for me to love anything more.

Friday, March 14, 2003

"The details of my life are quite inconsequential. My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy - the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really."

- Doctor Evil, Austin Powers,
International Man of Mystery

More pictures of crazy religious people. Some of the pictures were changed out, pictures of little boys being forced to do this against their will. They should have left them up just to show how fricking crazy this is. Man, I don't understand the need for such barbarism. Are we ever going to advance as humans?


O.K. I just woke up. It's my day off, and the kids have the day off from school so I got to sleep in late this morning. The bizarre dream I was having woke me up. I'll try to convey it in words but it's going to be hard:


The dream starts off up in Cottonwood at The Westin La Paloma Resort. I'm standing in the door way that leads to the pantry and then walk in. The room is very dark! One of the banquet captains tells me I need to look for Arte Johnson (from the t.v. show "Laugh-in") and make sure he gets special treatment. I start looking around and notice that there are a ton of big stars there. Can't remember exactly which ones were there though. I start walking towards the Cottonwood Deck when a group of about twenty dwarfs from the movies walk in (via the Cottonwood Deck area). It's Billy Barty (Dr. Shrinker, Wizard Of Oz) and his entourage! He and this other little guy ask me in a jovial manner who looked older. I smiled and replied that they both looked good for their age. Walking in with them was Kathy W. (fellow server) who looked very ill and was very red in color. They walk by and I notice Bill M. (fellow server) is talking to Anna Chlumsky from the movie "My Girl." She is wearing a pentacle necklace and notices that Bill has a pentacle ring (he does in real life, he's Wiccan) and she gives him this elabrate penticle necklace. I don't think I had my pentacle ring on but she knows some how and walks over and gives me a plain looking silver necklace. The dream shifts gears at this point. I am in a different location, much like Trail Dust Town at Pinnacle Peak Steakhouse here in Tucson. It's a bit more like Mexico though. I'm working a party by myself and Susan H. is the banquet captain. The party is being headed by a person I once worked with at Ventana Canyon Resort. It's Jo the maid! She is being very vague about when the food is being taken out but she doesn't want it out quite yet. I wonder around out in the street for quite some time. Jo comes out wondering what is taking so long. I reassure her that I'm taking the food out right now. The presentation of the food is horrible, but they don't notice because they don't know any better. The plate consists of some kind of char broiled spice rubbed steak with rice and beans. All of a sudden I'm at home (a nonexistent home) and my brother Jeff shows up, he is in a tux and has been drinking. He is taking his cloths off, he had been wearing a condom just in case he got lucky. Lot's of random dream stuff happens that I don't quite recall, but I end up in a booth at a food court somewhere with some people. I'm talking to this black girl and end up asking her out on a date, as friends. She says yes then I had to go back to work so I woke myself up. I knew I was dreaming all of a sudden and didn't want to be at work.

Thursday, March 13, 2003


Is it any wonder I don't believe in God? Is it any wonder that people are fricking retards? Ashoura Day. Glad Imam Hussein didn't shove a two liter coke bottle up his ass! Maybe Christians could take this approach to worshiping Jesus at Easter! Nah, I love chocolate too much to mess with Easter. Glad Jesus died for the love of chocolate.


O.k. some of you people, just stop it!!! I'm surfing the blog wave and I'm coming across a common theme here, "Can you believe how incredibly smart I am?" Come on people, get over yourselves!!! Sure, some of you are right there typing away, dictionary and thesaurus at hand, but the narcissistic approach to writing your blog is making me ill. Why do you think someone like me who is on the left hand path refrains from joining any organization? Mostly because I refuse to be a narcissist! So get over yourselves and write something interesting! I dare you!!!


Added a little more on to this post just a bit ago. So go check that out if you have already been here today, if not then:


O.k. first thing you have to do is check out this link for a good laugh! Splish Splash Baby Made me laugh pretty hard, but then again you know how much I love potty humor!


Brandon gave me an earful again this morning with questions about what makes certain cartoon carictors tick. Of course there was the whole Peter Parker Spider Man banter, but Batman came into play today, reasons why he doesn't fly, questions about why Superman can fly. "Do you think it's possible that..." "How come..." Blah, blah, blah. A couple of nights ago he started a dialog about Wonder Woman. He just couldn't understand why Wonder Woman is a superhero. Hey, it's the big tits! I would have to side with him though, an invisible jet and a golden lasso that makes you tell the truth just doesn't cut it in my superhero book either. You realize that The Hulk movie is due out soon and this is going to open up a whole new line of questioning. Oh the mind of a five year old!


Not quite sure what to make of the news this morning. I get the feeling that the fascist right is taking over and it won't be long before they start doing what a white supremacist once said on Donahue years ago.

"First thing we're going to do is burn all the faggits, witches,
and race mixers" - Ignorant White Supremacist

Well, that basically includes me in one if not two of the categories. I'm not gay, and I'm really not a witch but I could be considered pagan by some. I nailed the race mixing thing years ago. But hey, my kids really are beautiful and I think the whole mixing of white and chicano genes worked out quite well. So what am I getting at? Well, I really don't think they are going to start burning people, but all this pro God stuff in the media has me a bit upset. I see this as moving us backward, not forward. One example are the people on t.v. like Elisabeth Smart's dad saying he believes it's his prayers that brought his daughter back to him and that God was responsible for her now being home. Now wait a minute! Where was God when she was being taken out of her house early in the morning at gunpoint? Where was God when David Westerfield was raping and murdering Danielle Van Dam? Where is god while millions of children die from starvation and malnutrition each year? Why do we only thank God for the positive and not the negative? Why do people go on preaching that God is omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient, total love, ect. and yet allows evil people or even the devil for that matter to go on doing these evils? Here in Arizona, if your with someone who robs a store and that someone shoots and kills someone, your just as guilty and to blame if you do nothing about it. I know this firsthand because my friend's (shall remain nameless) stepson was with a guy when he decided to kill three people a few years back. He did nothing and is now on death row because of this. So if God is present when all of these things happen and is doing nothing about it then maybe we should hold him accountable. Or should we just turn a blind eye every time there is a crime committed and plead that it's God's will and a part of his master plan? The people that use this kind of reasoning are weak in my opinion.

Wednesday, March 12, 2003


It's official, I lost my Krispy Kreme Doughnut cherry! All this hype makes a fat boy want to sing! So I had to take that trip, you know, that long hard trip all the way down to Krispy Kreme. Walked in and the first thing I though of was Henry Ford!! Man, they're just pumping those bastards out as fast as they can. Got a free sample while I was in line and I'll have to say it wasn't orgasmic, but at the same time it was pretty damn good. Had a plain old glazed doughnut of course. So I bought a dozen of mixed for later to share with the family.


Worked a very nice breakfast and lunch shift today. Breakfast was a buffet for 30 people (the dog just farted!) and I was flying solo. Needed two people for that gig but that is where Josie and Tom Ellis came into play. They were nice enough to set up tables for me wile I set up buffet and got things ready. Burned the shit out of my leg when I was getting coffee ready. Looked like I had peed in my pants. Lunch was uneventful. One of the hags at work tried to get something going but I shot it down real fast. If you have an idea or want something done, go do it your fucking self! Not a slave, not even for love! In this case it was iced tea but not worth going into detail about it.


Ever read the Satanic Bible? Well I have, and I'm not a Satanist, but I am of the left hand path. Here is something from that book you may find interesting:

STUPIDITY -- The top of the list for Satanic Sins. The Cardinal Sin of Satanism. It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful. Ignorance is one thing, but our society thrives increasingly on stupidity. It depends on people going along with whatever they are told. The media promotes a cultivated stupidity as a posture that is not only acceptable but laudable. Satanists must learn to see through the tricks and cannot afford to be stupid.

PRETENTIOUSNESS -- Empty posturing can be most irritating and isn't applying the cardinal rules of Lesser Magic. On equal footing with stupidity for what keeps the money in circulation these days. Everyone's made to feel like a big shot, whether they can come up with the goods or not.

SOLIPSISM -- Can be very dangerous for Satanists. Projecting your reactions, responses and sensibilities onto someone who is probably far less attuned than you are. It is the mistake of expecting people to give you the same consideration, courtesy and respect that you naturally give them. They won't. Instead, Satanists must strive to apply the dictum of "Do unto others as they do unto you." It's work for most of us and requires constant vigilance lest you slip into a comfortable illusion of everyone being like you. As has been said, certain utopias would be ideal in a nation of philosophers, but unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately, from a Machiavellian standpoint) we are far from that point.

SELF-DECEIT -- It's in the Nine Satanic Statements but deserves to be repeated here. Another cardinal sin. We must not pay homage to any of the sacred cows presented to us, including the roles we are expected to play ourselves. The only time self-deceit should be entered into is when it's fun, and with awareness. But then, it's not self-deceit!

HERD CONFORMITY -- That's obvious from a Satanic stance. It's all right to conform tog a person's wishes, if it ultimately benefits you. But only fools follow along with the herd, letting an impersonal entity dictate to you. The key is to choose a master wisely instead of being enslaved by the whims of the many.

LACK OF PERSPECTIVE -- Again, this one can lead to a lot of pain for a Satanist. You must never lose sight of who and what you are, and what a threat you can be, by your very existence. We are making history right now, every day. Always keep the wider historical and social picture in mind. That is an important key to both Lesser and Greater Magic. See the patterns and fit things together as you want the pieces to fall into place. Do not be swayed by herd constraints -- know that you are working on another level entirely from the rest of the world.

FORGETFULNESS OF PAST ORTHODOXIES -- Be aware that this is one of the keys to brainwashing people into accepting something "new" and "different," when in reality it's something that was once widely accepted but is now presented in a new package. We are expected to rave about the genius of the "creator" and forget the original. This makes for a disposable society.

COUNTERPRODUCTIVE PRIDE -- That first word is important. Pride is great up to the point you begin to throw out the baby with the bathwater. The rule of Satanism is: if it works for you, great. When it stops working for you, when you've painted yourself into a corner and the only way out is to say, "I'm sorry, I made a mistake, I wish we could compromise somehow," then do it.

LACK OF AESTHETICS -- This is the physical application of the Balance Factor. Aesthetics is important in Lesser Magic and should be cultivated. It is obvious that no one can collect any money off classical standards of beauty and form most of the time so they are discouraged in a consumer society, but "an eye" for for beauty, for balance, is an essential Satanic tool and must be applied for greatest magical effectiveness. It's not what's supposed to be pleasing -- it's what is. Aesthetics is a personal thing, reflective of one's own nature, but there are universally pleasing and harmonious configurations that should not be denied.


Elizabeth Smart has been found! Can you believe that? Just came over the t.v.!!! Poor kid has probably been raped and abused, but she is alive and with her family again. I thought she was dead.


Removed the FLEADOG link. He never got back to me so I guess he didn't want a link to his page. Think he figured out I wasn't a Christian. I will give everyone a few days to respond as far as links go. Will just keep the blogrolling links for now. If you want a link to your page all you have to do is E-mail me.

Tuesday, March 11, 2003


Can you believe that people are reading this blog? I'm amazed, and everyone has had nice things to say so far. Guess diving into my little slice of reality is semi-humorous for some. Check out this page: Poet and Peasant. Lynn found my page and left a SHOUT OUT.


My mom found my blog and was a bit socked I guess. Don't think she fully understood that I'm not a Christian and this saddened her. People have to understand that not every person on this continent is Christian, or even God fearing for that matter. I just can't buy into it because it's not logical and trust me I have spent countless hours thinking it all out. Then again, I'm glad I don't live in fear and guilt like I did when I was growing up. The fear of God along with the fear of getting my ass kicked by rednecks because I was different was enough to occupy my brain to the point where I couldn't focus on anything other than comedy and music. I'm in a better place now. It's a place for me, and no one else.


Boy did today go fast! Worked a four and one half hour shift with Yolanda C. Today. Talk about a moody carictor! Never did figure out what kind of mood she was in. Mood swing up and then back down. Mood swing right, mood swing left. Dennis caught up with me at one point outside the Murphey bathrooms. Started talking about Stacy Keibler on WWE RAW last night. I had to go to the bathroom so bad I couldn't help but cut him off mid sentence and assume def con 4 position in stall #2! It was the only reason I was down there anyway. Needless to say I had what I think is called a "back wetter." You know that feeling you get when you ride a bike through the mud and.... Well, you get the drift. Some poor guy came in and sat in handicap stall #1 and must have been freaking out with me reenacting the whole Omaha Beach scene from "Saving Private Ryan" with my anus. The horror... THE HORROR!!!


On the way home I stopped at Fry's Grocery Store to get some buns and lettuce for turkey burgers. They look like they are about halfway through remodeling. It's going to look nice when they are done, that's for sure. As I was checking out, some young guy started up a dialog with me about the new Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. He was ranting about the light beer adds in the magazine and how that you don't want to hang out with hot chicks and drink light beer. I had to agree. He said something about hard liquor and I wanted to say something about his mom being a hard licker (you know how I love Mom jokes!) but I just didn't know him well enough to toss it out at him.


I did get Tom Ellis good two days ago during setup for that U of A awards dinner. I had dropped a couple of coffee saucers on the carpet, and Tom, sounding like a retarded Jimmy Stuart (as he always does), does that barking laugh and states the obvious, "Yeah, so you dropped some plates didn't ya, Baharhar... har har." I replied instantly, "Yes, they dropped faster than your mom's panties, didn't they!" That got a pretty decent laugh from the people who were in the vicinity. The scary thought is that I know Tom's mother, and I can't imagine her panties hitting the floor. God take me the day I have to live through that!!!

Early in the a.m. and yes I have to work tomorrow. Just one shift so I will be home early! Yay! Was in a pissy mood today so I stayed in here (computer room) most of the day. Talked to Lisa B. and Aunt Pat today via instant message. They both seem to be doing good. No one was around to play Half-Life today so I did a whole lot of nothing. Back does feel better though. Well, I am actually tired for a change so I'm going to bed! Hope I won't be sitting here in the next couple of hours. Hope Josie let's me sleep.

OH YEAH!! I had a dream about Shelia Hughes last night. She was still in her teens and we were just hanging out. Weird. Guess that huge crush I had on her in High School still lingers somewhat. I can't even think of anything to write. I'm beat! Should stay and fix the time on this blog, it's an hour off. It's already tomorrow but it shows yesterday. Isn't that weird? Goodnight!

Monday, March 10, 2003


Yesterday was another one of those all day at work days. Talk about an ass kicking! Started off with Tucson's Jewish Federation Brunch (yearly event). Holy fucking mother of Jesus! Now don't take this wrong, because I don't hate Jewish people, but I have never seen such a needy bunch of people in my entire life!!! At one point I had seven women waving their hands at me, all talking over each other and I simply said in a bothered tone of voice, "O.k. I'm only going to deal with you one person at a time (pointing to the lady at the top of the table) starting with you, what is it that you need?" Hey, it worked! Billy took it a step further one table over by saying, "EEEEEE-ZZZZZZ (easy)!!!!!! Everybody just calm down!!" Of course this wasn't a popular response and one old lady took his name down. Funny because he had a "MATT" name tag on. We don't even have a Matt in the department so I guess it won't matter a whole bunch. The highlight of the morning was after we had left the room and they had started their program. Dennis dared me to walk into the room with a glass of iced-tea on a silver platter and act like I was looking for someone in the crowd. You know me, I couldn't resist! So right in the middle of the slide show I'm standing in front of 300+ people with a single glass of iced-tea looking lovely on a silver platter and the majority of their eyes upon me. I have this perplexed look on my face and I'm counting tables as if I've lost the person I was looking for. Then, disgusted I turned and exited. Well, this had everyone rolling as far as staff goes.

The U of A awards banquet that followed was pretty uneventful. My Friend Eric was there and it was nice to see him. Haven't seen him in over two years.

I left after service and was going to meet Charles at "The Cowpony" for Karaoke night. That bar is such a dive! I'm impressed that it gets packed in there like it does on Sunday night, but I wouldn't want to be in there when a fire breaks loose! That place would go up faster than hell! Anyway, Josie even gave me the go ahead to go out and what happens? I took a shower, laid back to rest my back for a minute and BOOM! I fell asleep and woke up around 3:00 a.m. Guess it wasn't in the cards.

Brandon stayed home from school today because he got pink eye from his school teacher. I made us some pop-corn and it's still not quite noon. Going to take it very easy today, give my back a rest. Think I'll go play Half-Life for a while. I'm out!

Saturday, March 08, 2003


Yes, a lovely day at work it was. Had a ten hour day with a half hour break. Tons of down time though so it wasn't too bad. The tough part was having the same partner on two different functions. A partner who really can't function. So, I did a lot of heavy lifting to say the least. I may have made her cry right before we sent her home because she was feeling sick. I kind of hinted at one point that I couldn't believe that she wasn't keeping up pace. I know she didn't feel all that well but I can't run a forty person station by myself twice in one day. So I think when she was trying to chat with me during service and I kind of blew her off I may have hurt her feelings. Anyway, I don't feel bad about it because my back is killing me. If your sick, call in sick and stay home. If you can't do the job, move on to a job that you can do. I'm not your slave or your dad. Don't depend on me to pull your weight and not say something about it, I wouldn't expect you to pull my weight and be happy about it. So that was work.

Christianity came up again as it always does when your working with a herd of them. Funny how they throw little tidbits (stones) your way when they know your not a "believer." Someone threw out something about me being evil today, in which I replied, "The God you worship is evil, you just haven't come to realize it yet." Got a few chuckles because they know they are saved, Jesus's little favorites.


I remember how when I was a Christian I thought that there was no way I could ever fall from the grace of God, and that I was saved no matter what. I was "in" and couldn't see how I would ever be anything but a follower. But then again I remember thinking that a lot of what I was studying didn't jive and that most of the people I went to church with were a bunch of raving loonies and hypocrites. Like the time at a bible study this guy Mike told me he wasn't above me, he was just beyond me. Told me I needed to learn to control my weaknesses. I brought up the fact that he smoked all of the time and he wasn't treating his body like a temple. He informed me that God understood his habit and would help him slowly deviate from his habit in his own time, when God was ready to take that addiction away. What a load of shit! This is the same guy that cried when I told him I was no longer going to be going to church, and told me God would kill me and bring me home before I fell from grace, so I had better get my act together. I did.

I started to study with a guy named Bob Petry here in Tucson. He has a show on public access called Code 64. I started studying some Greek and Hebrew, and started learn about Yahweh and Yahshua (Elohim), sheol, what an eon is as apposed to eternity and so on, I kind of realized that I didn't really believe in any of it. Kind of woke up at one point and felt like a sheep, saw how hypocritical all of us are, and how incredibly stupid it is to think that I had some kind of favor in God's eyes while some little kid in a third world country was dieing of starvation because it was all a part of some grand plan that ultimately glorifies God. How could I have believed that the God of the bible was love when he's ordering Angels and men to kill, and we are supposed to follow his example. Being of the left hand path empowers me set my own example, and a good example for my children. I set the example, not some age old doctrine that threatens and belittles you. I also no longer have the anxiety attacks over guilt like I did when I was Christian. I remember Timothy Leary once saying on some spoken word album that you should "Love your sin!" True, why not enjoy what makes you happy. Why feel dirty or sinful about every little thing? And lust? If it wasn't for lust neither your or I would be here today. And I'm not talking about anarchy and reckless abandon. Be real. One has to have some sense of morality, but why can't it be my sense of morality? I'll end this with something Aleister Crowley wrote, because I believe it to be true:

There is no god but Man.

Man has the right to live by his own Law.
Man has the right to live in the way that he wills to do.
Man has the right to dress as he wills to do.
Man has the right to dwell where he wills to dwell.
Man has the right to move as he will on the face of the earth.
Man has the right to eat what he will.
Man has the right to drink what he will.
Man has the right to think as he will.
Man has the right to speak as he will.
Man has the right to write as he will.
Man has the right to mold as he will.
Man has the right to paint as he will.
Man has the right to carve as he will.
Man has the right to work as he will.
Man has the right to rest as he will.
Man has the right to love as he will, when, where and whom he will.
Man has the right to die when and how he will.
Man has the right to kill those who would thwart these rights.

from The Law is for all by Aleister Crowley pp321

On the way home there was a mini van with a sticker in the window depicting in stick figures every member of that family. Father, Mother, two girls and a little boy. I started thinking that we would have had three kids if Josie hadn't had a miscarriage the year before Brandon was born. I remembered how hard she took it, how it broke her heart to the point where I thought that maybe she would dive into such a depression so fierce that I would never get her back. Thinking of how little Ren sat on the edge of the bed, knowing something terrible had happened and kept guard over her. I started thinking about what that child would be like today at seven years old? Would it be a boy or a girl? Would it have been as smart and witty as both Miranda and Brandon are? How different would my life be with this person needing me to get them ready for school, or help with homework, or tell them what they had done wrong and why. But the truth of things is that this person never formed, nature took it's course and aborted the process because something went wrong. Devil didn't do it. God didn't call anyone home. Wasn't any grand plan. It just was. Then I thought about Ren. How he snuck out the door one night and ran away without anyone knowing, finding him dead the next morning in a bag after someone had picked him up off the side of the road when he had been hit by a car. How hard it was to see Josie at the door when she found out that I had found him, how hysterical she was, again thinking she was going to loose it. How hard it was to explain to Brandon (three years old) that Ren was never coming back. How hard it was picking Miranda up from school and telling her that Ren had been hit by a car. How hard it was putting his little body in a bag, wrapping him up and digging a hole in the unforgiving scorched Arizona dirt so that I could bury the family dog with some form of decency. How hard it was not to cry, even now. And what is the truth of all this? Devil didn't do it, and God didn't call him home because of his will, or a grand plan. It just happened. And as I'm sitting her typing all of this I think back how it rained all day the next day. I remember how I kept Miranda home from school and we called in sick to work. I took everyone out to eat and couldn't enjoy it because I felt baked like you do when you've been out in the sun too long. We drove to "The Puppy Place" and found this other little chihuahua that was very quiet, and didn't seem to care about much of anything until we put him in the play pen with the kids and he transformed into this lovable little spastic brown devil. We put him back and drove away. The kids both cried and Josie was angry as hell that we didn't take him. God I hated taking $500 out of the bank and giving it to the lady behind the counter at "The Puppy Place." Cocoa is still our spastic little devil. He's the goth dog, the spawn of Satan. I'll never be able to be angry with him like I was with Ren if he chews something up or gets a roll of toilet paper and rips it into a million little pieces. I don't feel guilty about much in life, but I do feel guilty about the way I treated Ren. Always yelling at him because he was always so skittish. It's the old adage, "Don't know what you've got till it's gone." Be happy you have anything! You could be living in a cave without. Waiting in a cave, waiting for some big corporate nation to come and blow the hell out of you so that they can exploit the oil that runs under your home.


Wow, what a totally shitty day, beginning to end. Started off with getting up to work a breakfast shift, then getting cut (told to go home) two and a half hours later. Sure, I was tired and enjoyed going home and going back to bed, but I found out that someone lied to me about being cut and in reality I could have stayed and worked two more hours. Someone with less seniority stayed on and worked those hours. Pissed me off! Then, tonight I worked the wonderful Emerald Ball! What is that you say? It's the lovely yearly get together of Tucson's finest Irish to raise money for whomever. My luck would have it that one of my tables was directly under the air vent and some poor bitch froze her ass off and proceeded to be a total shit about it. Funny thing about those vents at work, they are controlled by computer and you have to call the Engineering department to have them turn things on or off. Well, knowing the Engineering dept. like I do, and knowing Sarah is probably the one who at this time of night works that computer, chances are she just said, "Fuck it!" and went on with whatever she was doing. Good for me. That lady froze her ass off for almost two hours, and ended up yelling at me all night. Best part of the night was when she was pointing her finger in my face yelling, "Computer MY ASS!!!" Well, fuck you too! Hope she gets the shits from the salmon they ate tonight. Anyway, I took the early cut and got the hell out of there. Watched t.v. for a while and fell asleep on the sofa. Josie being the wise and caring wife that she is, as always, disregards the fact that I have insomnia and wakes me up to tell me that I fell asleep. Lovely, here I am wide awake and sitting in front of a computer at 12:30 a.m. typing about my bitchy little day. Don't know if I should thank Jesus for the insomnia or thank Josie for destroying my chances of any type of normal sleep tonight.


So to put the icing on the cake, the topping of my shitty little day, I just looked at my instant messenger. There was a window from my mom that must have been from sometime today. My Uncle Jim died tonight of cancer. He is a great guy and it's sad that something so fucked up can happen to someone like that. It's fucked up that it ate at him, his body and his brain like it did. It's fucked up that my Aunt Donna lost him, and lost her daughter Denise years ago due to complications caused by leukemia. If ever a person should be sainted, it should be Aunt Donna. To have to see Denise waist away then lie in a coma for years and years until she died (I'll write about that sometime if anyone is interested). To have to watch Uncle Jim waist away from cancer after he had beaten it so many years ago. If ever there was a saint it is my Aunt Donna. If I had a faith or believed in God I would say he's a bastard. But what I have grown to understand is that it's all a Process. The process of being human. Why is it so hard for you all to see that we are all human?

Thursday, March 06, 2003

Not much to write about today. Worked a Lunch shift that had every course preset. Talk about your easy money. Got a $40 tip from that anal retentive group of corporate human resource directors that just checked out.

Dennis was talking all day about some top 100 most attractive women article in some mens magazine. Said none of the WWE chicks were even listed. Stacy Keibler should have been #1 on that list. Man is she ever hot!

I got a response to this page already! Can you believe that? No idea how he (Fleadog) found this page but I stuck a link to his page on the left side of the page in the links section. Go check out Fleadog's blog!

Changed the look of this page as well. The other setup just wasn't working out. This one looks fine for now. I also re-posted yesterdays blather because like a dunce I deleted it.

Well, that's all I have to say today I guess. I have to be to work in the morning so I had better get to bed. I smell war on the horizon. Get your socks on kids, things are going to get real interesting...

Wednesday, March 05, 2003 :::

Work was pretty easy today. Spent a lot of time just fucking around. We actually played table top football for about an hour. Remember the game where you take a piece of paper and make it into a triangle (your football) and then flick it back and forth across the table trying to get it to hang off the edge without falling off (a touch down). Yep, the exciting life of working in Banquets.
It was Ash Wednesday today. Stupid me thought it was Ass Wednesday and got myself in a whole lot of trouble. Ashes on your forehead, hmmmm. I guess any type of magic that floats your boat is alright. Glad I live free of sin and have nothing to worry about or I wouldn't just be dabbing a little bit of ashes on my forehead, I'd be dousing myself with the stuff and chasing it with a holy water enema. It's good to be clean inside and out you know.
While I'm on the subject, I turned on Trinity Broadcasting Network just for some kicks today and this extremely white Christian lady, who by most practical standards looked pretty pasty and vacant, was talking about how God/Jesus was just crazy in love with me. Exact words, I'm not making this part up. She went on about how God was ultimate love and regurgitated the standard spew you hear frequenting the lips of the chosen. Now is it just me or do these people not read the whole fucking bible? I grew up steeped in Christianity, and remember as a kid thinking, "Fuck, God's a real bastard!" Examples? Do I need to list them? Alright then for those who don't remember:
Genesis 19:8 Lot decides it's best to cast his two virgin daughters to a lusty if not slightly randy and horny crowd. Remember the angels that showed up? Guess they were a couple of lookers because a whole mob shows up looking to get some and Lot figures it's better he let them rape his daughters than these angels who happened to show up. Then death and destruction, you know the story.
There's tons of stuff like that in that crazy book, and I'm not going to take the time to list them all so go and read your bible and figure it out for yourself. So what's my point? My point is that "God" is a nasty bastard who kills thousands of innocent women, children, and men for his own random reasons, threatens you to get on your knees and cower like a frightened animal OR ELSE!! The God of the bible only loves himself. Where do you think anyone of us little fuck ups could ever fit into his grand little plan? No reason to fix any problems he's created, just set them on fire and throw them away. It's all so very logical. End of rant! (this is a re-post from yesterday)

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

I need to get to bed. Been trying to figure this page out and get the html code right. Doesn't look too bad. I'm tired as hell. Anyway, this is kind of a second test post to see how things look. I'm off to bed!

Tuesday, March 04, 2003

Alright, your probably wondering what this is all about. Well, seeing that I have weird things happen to me on a regular basis I needed a forum to write it all down in. Seeing that many people told me I need to write a book with all this stuff in it I figured I would start by putting some of it down in here as it happens. I'll also go back and review some key weird shit that has happened in my past. Everything I write in here is true, other than maybe changing a name or two so that people don't get pissed at me. Read on, and enjoy my weird process (life).