HAPPY HAPPY

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I hope everybody is enjoying the holidays with friends and family. My mom has a blood clot in her lung and just got out of the hospital so my parents won't be showing up for a visit tomorrow like we had hoped. I let the kids open a few of their presents last night. Brandon got a race car game that kept he and I up till 6:00 a.m. this morning. Josie wasn't happy about that.

DREAM WEIRDNESS

Lot's of weird dreams as of late. The one I vaguely remember is one with some guy passed out on a lawn face down, pants down with purple feces all over the place and a purple dildo next to him. There was a joke about the purple but I can't remember what it was but I remember it was very funny. Why all of these poop dreams all of a sudden? Is it a sign of the apocalypse?

ODB

The news is out and I'm fucking shocked! ODB died of an overdose!!! Say it isn't so, somebody tell me it isn't true. I would have never guessed that is what killed him, not in a million years. Later, one less non-talented blathering idiot soaking up time on MTV. What's that? Why no respect for ODB and yet I lamented for Dimbag Abbot? Because I'm against what he stood for plus I didn't see him as any sort of talent. Next...

RIP DIMEBAG

I'm a big Pantera fan. I remember when they first came out and Miranda must have been a new born. I listened to their first CD over and over because it's such a powerful album. Well, they haven't been a band for about four years but "Dimebag" Darrell Abbott and his brother started a band called DAMAGEPLAN. Well, they were playing a concert last night and during the first song some crazy bastard jumped up on stage, rambles something about him breaking up Pantera, then pulled out a gun and unloaded it into him! Then that crazy fuck started shooting people in the audience. In all five people including Dimebag and the gunman who was known as Nathan Gale died. How fucked up is that?

MASTURBATING BIRD

My bird is horny as hell. She backs her ass up to her mineral block and humps the shit out of it. I don't blame her, I feel her pain, but she needs to do it without the squacking. Not only is it distracting but it's disturbing as well!

IT'S CLEAN IN HERE!

I cleaned this room today like crazy. I scrubbed, everything down with PineSol and everything. I even added a futon bed frame. I need to go buy a mattress now. I'm also going to hit up my friend for some of his mom's art. She doesn't paint anymore and he has all of this stuff just sitting in his closet. It's mixed media and really cool so it will make this room look real good when I do put some stuff up. I'll take a picture of this room when it's finished.

DREAM WEIRDNESS

Ok, this was pretty fucked up and rated a 10+ on the scale of impending doom dreams...

JAPANESE SCAT BOWLING TRIP

I was at the bowling ally in the town of Burwell Nebraska, the town I grew up in, and I was there with my childhood friend Stace. He was in his 20's in this dream and we were going to some bowling party or tournament. I really had to take a shit so I run off to the bathroom and it starts getting complicated. I realize that I'm in Japan and the toilets are not the same as they are in the states. I finish my business and go to wipe my ass and things start to get messy. There is shit everywhere and I realize the bus is pulling out in about two minutes. More shit everywhere! I'm wondering how I could have become covered in shit like this, then realize I've been stepping on a giant turd that must have come from a hippo or something. I start crawling on top of the bathroom stalls looking for somthing and there are personal items and money up there! I also realize that some Japanese people have been watching me and I need to get out of there. I pull myself together very loosely and on the way out the door I see a security camera that has been watching me the whole time, as well as the Japanese guy dialing 911. I just want to make a break for my car but as I hit the parking lot I see my car about 60 yards away and a Japanese policeman pointing at my car. Just then a tow truck rams my car through a fence and it goes coasting down the street. I try to run after it but it's two blocks away and somebody jumps in and steals my car. This is where my lucid dream training came in. I realized that I wasn't in Japan and that I was dreaming! I say out loud, "This is bullshit! I don't have to deal with this!" At this point I woke up because I was saying the words out loud in reality and it startled me. So later on today I was telling Brandon about this dream and he said, "Gee Dad, I'm glad I don't have your dreams! I don't think I could handle that..." I don't think I ever had a conversation like that with my dad when I was seven. I would have been ordered to go work in the garden or something.

I also had a pretty weird dream involving a naked 20 year old girl lying in bed with me the other night. Nothing happened but she was digging me. She was one of Miranda's friends in the dream and she didn't have a problem with it. I was thinking that she might tell Josie and I would be in trouble.

Check out these other weird fucking dreams I've had:

Pappa Moon
This page has about three dreams
Snickers Man and Aliens
Tanks
Sun Explodes

I know there are a ton more but you'll have to search the archives for them.