VALENTINES DAY

Spent last night with Josie, alone! No kids! We spent the night at Corona Ranch. We stayed in this room here:

I just happened to live in this very room in the 80's and lost my virginity here to a girl from El Salvador. I smoked a lot of dope here back in the day. I also spent a lot of lonely hours in this room. It was almost like going home. Josie enjoyed it anyway! I have to go get the camera tomorrow, I locked it by accident in the room. No, no sex pictures! So what we did last night was this. We went out and ate Mexican food, then we went to see the latest Lord of the Rings movie. A lot of people told me they didn't care for the last one but I thought they did a great job! Then we spent time together out at the ranch. We did the nasty, with no interruptions, it was fantastic! I just had to share that!

UH....

I walked into the bathroom yesterday and it looked like a small shit hurricane had blown through. Shit on the toilet, on the floor, in the sink along with toilet paper. I asked Brandon if he had taken a dump in there and he said no, that he had done his business in his own bathroom. True, I remember this. Of course this opened up a line of questioning from Brandon. Why did I need to know? What happened? Etc. Miranda was at the mall, Josie was outside, and I was on the computer. Josie's mom had been in there just a while before. So, my conclusion is that she shit herself and did a poor job covering her tracks. I don't think this is the first time this has happened either. So Josie cleaned it up, and had a talk with her mom. Looks like someone is wearing depends from this day out.

BIRTHDAY

March 4th will be this blogs 1st birthday! Almost been a year already! Wow...!

GREAT FUCKING DAY

Holy fuck I'm in a great mood! Having the past two days off and getting rest after a hell week really did the trick. Then tonight we had a gig for a bunch of the corporate heads and they had one hell of a spread set out for them. I got to eat my weight in shrimp tonight and I can hardly move! Just a ton of great food and tons of great comments all the way around. I put in a ten hour day with about three hours off in between sifts so I got to get off of my feet for a little bit. Today most certainly kicked ass, I wish you all could have been there with me to enjoy it!

FUCKING COCKS

I'm at work all day and wild shit happens. Isn't that always how it is anyway? Take a look at this about Bill O'Reilly. I can't fucking believe it! Are these people finally going to wise up about this? I try not to get too political here but holy shit, finally, and of all people it's Bill O'Reilly! Let's get this bastard out of office! I don't need another four years of this smug asshole claiming to be my leader and spouting shit about TERROR. He can't even pronounce the word nuclear correctly. Time to move on America!

AND YOUR POINT IS?

I've been stating THIS for years and years. The bible never states three wise men. It talks about the Magi, and they are from Persia. Any idea where Persia is and what these guys may have been into? And as for the mindless fucking Christians at work today spouting bullshit, well, FUCK YOU! Go ahead and condemn gays in the name of your worthless Christ. Go on living your life as mindless sheep. I have no respect for anything in your head, or your bullshit document that you cherish so much. You're all mindless sheep.

ARE YOU GOING TO BURN?

This is a funny test. Click on THE HELL TEST to see if your going to make it or not. I might still have a chance because I scored 133. I think you have to score at least 200 to go to hell. They didn't ask many questions about Jesus so I think I got off on some kind of technicality. It's going to be hard to fit in when in heaven so I'm sure I'm going regardless. At least there will be wild women and cool music!

TIGHTWAD

I was listening to one of the hardcore Christians talking a couple of nights ago on the way to a cater out function. He was talking about how frugal his family is. They don't buy stuff from the isles of grocery stores, they only shop on the perimeter of the store so they won't be "tempted" by the garbage inside the store. He won't allow his daughters to buy hairspray, because it's overpriced junk, so they have to take Elmer's Glue All and water it down and spray that on instead. They only order pizza from places like Little Ceasers or Peter Pipper because he doesn't believe in spending more than $6.00 for a pizza. This is a guy who believes that being stupid, non-questioning, and a domestic servant is the proper place for a woman in the home. This guy also spent like eight years with UP WITH PEOPLE. I guess it's UP WITH PEOPLE but DOWN WITH YOUR FAMILY! I on the other hand let my kids experience their own lives, make choices for themselves, eat Pizza Hut pizza and I preach abstinence is the best method, abstinence from the Church that is.

BEAT TO A PULP

I spent my life at work last week! I wasn't home to type on this lovely little journal at all, sorry. I had yesterday off but spent the majority of the day resting and sleeping. I put in just over 70 hours for last week and the tip pool was kick ass so I'm happy that I worked like a slave.

T&jAnet

I'm just totally shocked that we as Americans are so offended at this Janet Jackson tit incident. I've seen far worse on television, you've seen far worse on television so why the outcry and the outrage? It's a breast for gods sake! You can gun down sixty people on a prime time show, murder this or that person on prime time, you can have an affair with somebody's spouse on prime time and it's all good. Then comes along the most evil of all evils, the breast of a black woman exposed with a the nipple covered for less than a second and it's the end of civilization! The Antichrist must be alive and well this very day for this was a sign of the Apocalypse! No, it was a boob being flashed for a mere second. If you truly want to be offended turn on TBN for an hour and listen to those blatherskites ramble for about an hour. A boob flashing for an instant vs. my eternity in a burning nasty fiery pit of nastiness? I'll take tit's and ass please!

LONG AND WINDING ROAD

I don't even know where to start! So I guess I'll start with what is fresh in my mind. Dana Carvey was the entertainment a few nights ago. He was funny as hell. Go see him live if you ever get a chance, you'll laugh I guarantee it! I was standing close to some people wearing kippahs on their heads. I don't think they thought he was all that funny, and proceeded to act stuffy and offended. I'm glad I'm not involved with any religion that would ever cause one to become offended at the drop of a hat, or kippah in this instance. There is a lot I'd like to post about this week but won't because I don't want to offend anyone because I poke fun of stereotypes. The one thing I will say is that rich people from the east coast (no matter what ethnic background) are just plain lazy, clueless, and narcissistic. Anyway, I put in a 15 hour day that day. That has been my life this week, making a lot of money  but tired as hell. I've been called into work tonight which is my only day off and I have a 15 hour or longer shift tomorrow. I asked for Sunday and Monday off and I better get it or I'll be pissed!

BACK TO  NORMAL

I should be back to posting, and will be around to chat with all of you who usually send me IMs. I just wasn't home at all this week! I did sell that piece of shit car for $700 "as is" this week. A friend of mine insisted that I sell it to him even after I explained the condition of the car. So be it. Anyway, my life returns to normal after tomorrow.

TRAPPED!

I'm trapped in this endless cycle of going to work, going home, going to bed, and getting up to go to work again. I'll post tomorrow, I promise! I will say that I think I have a boyfriend! No shit! This guy has been so nice to me this week, and it's too bad I'm not a single gay guy because he's got bucks!!! Didn't say anything to anybody, not even Josie. Not that I'm afraid to but Josie is jealous as hell and the last thing I need people at work thinking is I have guys after me. He really is a nice guy, very weird that whole thing. Tomorrow, I promise! I'm just so tired it's hard to even type at this point...

12 HOUR DAY

Yep, I just finished a 12 hour day at work with no breaks and I'm beat. The people we have in house are the elite beautiful people you see in television shows. The only difference with these rich people is that they are stupid. Simple things elude these people. I'm talking simple every day tasks! I'm thinking having hired help to do their every day menial tasks hasn't helped them one bit. They are beautiful though, if not down right hot! Last night they had a comedian that was so bad that just about everyone got up and left. The little bit that I did comedy in the 80's I never had that happen to me. I had four people come up to me and tell me I should have been up on stage. I will agree with them only because she was so bad that there is no way I could be any worse. Dana Carvey is going to be their entertainment in a few days. I've seen him live at work once before and he is funny as hell. Anyway, I have to get up and work so I will type more tomorrow. I'm sorry this post was random but I've had a couple of drinks and I'm beat. Stay tuned!

EVIL ONES

Well the backlash started just as I knew it would. The evil ones even recruited meth addicts to join it, and that got squashed quickly. This guy was with them the next day and I was walking by, not saying anything. He says in a real smart ass like tone, "Don't harass me!" I turned around and told him to watch it. I was willing to let it die at that but they ran to the office and said I was starting things again. So later as my boss was asking me what was going on and why were people running to the office the guy who made the remark happens to walk by and was stopped. He was asked to explain his remark and he denied that he had made it. I told him he was lying. This is a guy who's been claiming to be a born again Christian a lot as of late. Anyway, after all was said and done I was told they knew he was lying and that this whole issue should be dead now and I have nothing to worry about. We will see

DREAMS

I dreamt that I was loosing my teeth last night and the roots were turning to black sludge. Not very nice. I also had a dream where a pimple on my chest was growing a huge tuft of hair out of it and I was trying to pull it out with pliers. Of course I had my shirt off and I was at work in front of clients when all of this was happening. All my dreams were on this level last night, just couldn't sleep well.

VH1 BANDS REUNITE

Just watched this show on VH1. Saw A Flock Of Seagulls play together for the first time in about twenty years. That was very cool. I'm going to have to go and buy their CDs now. Think they had two out under the original line up. They were records though back then. I'm tempted to buy a record player so that I can buy some old hard to find records and record them as mp3s.

SLAVERY

Today begins a long week. Today being second easiest, tomorrow third and Friday being my only day off. The rest is going to be spent living at work. It's going to be ugly with the hag factor in place but I'll survive. I will try to type here every day, and I'm sure this week will produce some lovely stories. Stay tuned and wish me luck.

WRECKING BALL

I'm tired, but just got home from work and can't sleep and it's just past midnight. What do you do in such a predicament? Well, you make a giant mug of iced tea and play a game of Wrecking Ball! How do you play you might ask? Well hold your fucking horses and I'll tell you. What you do is find a chat room on IRC, something like #bible or #lesbian_love. Next you go in and be quiet for a good long while and observe things, or if people start talking to you then just chime right in and chat back, but be polite and let them think your in there to chat with them about the chosen topic or theme of the channel. Next, you start to deviate slightly by saying loony things that just don't quite jive with the conversation. Here is a sample of what I'm doing right now in a channel called #Christian_chat:

Falchion: the #christian channel, why is it in that state?
chalcedny: what about it?
Shyven: Iowa?
chalcedny: it's an evangelism channel
chalcedny: non-christians are welcomed
Shyven: Oh evangelism, it makes great things good
Shyven: I like Robert Tilton, he is the epitome of evangelism
Falchion: the bot boots you after apparently idling for an hr
Falchion: no one talks, and generally no ops around for abusive people :/
Shyven: what if your Billy Idol
Shyven: that's a life time of being booted
Falchion: ...?
Shyven: or Eric Idle of Monty Python
Shyven: both constantly being booted in there
Shyven: an eternity of being booted....

That's kind of the gist of the whole thing. Hard to play and type this all at the same
time. I'm also chatting with friends so I'm multitasking.

MIRANDA

Miranda got an award for being Student of the quarter! This is the second time she has done this! She got it last year too. So she get's to pick where she wants to eat for dinner. Looks like we are going to the Olive Garden.

EVIL

Tomorrow is going to be backlash day at work. I went and told people what the wretched ones did. Everyone thinks that they over did it by claiming harassment. I just wanted to let people know that they are hypocrites. So people know, it will get back to the Gorgon , and it will try and bite back! Games on! Hold on to your panties!

ATTACK!

The evil ones at work tried to get me yesterday. Alas, they failed. It was all over a simple blunder of people not knowing where their assigned work section was, of course assigned by me. When they attacked me and tried to make me feel about three inches tall I stood my ground. I didn't mess anything up, they simply couldn't count tables and find their section, causing another group of people to work harder when they had to pick up their slack. After all was said and done they accused me of harassment simply because I wouldn't back down. So they want to play games, fine. It's on baby, it's on!

SLEEP

Got the sleep I needed but the stress from yesterday is giving me a headache. Life goes on. Next week is going to be murder, and with those wretched ones on my back it's going to be a challenge. I will try and post as much as possible but I am literally going to be a slave to work and not home a whole lot. I need the money anyway. I'm sure there will be tons to write about next week with all the added stress, it's going to get ugly. Hold on to your panties!

TIRED

Lack of sleep is catching up with me and I'm working a double today. I need sleep bad. Not a whole lot happened today that was worthy of writing about. Got back on IRC to chat with old friends and that has been a lot of fun. Going to get back into reading Tarot cards so that I can become real good at it. The card above is out of my deck. I'll write something more interesting later tonight when I get home. Sleep!

FUNNY SHIZZIT

I found these via other blogs so I will not take credit for finding them. Bush in 30 Seconds is a website with 30 second film shorts made up as painfully truthful advertisements about our dearest friend. They are funny, and yet they are not. You really want another 4 years of this shit? The second thing I will post is this Backstreet Boys spoof. Makes ya want to do the nasty thang!

AMERICA THE RETARDED

I accidentally left the television on earlier when I was watching the local news. I passed by the television again just a few minutes ago and a soap opera called "Passions" just happened to be on. I was compelled to stop and watch it for about two minutes due to the bad acting. I have to wonder to myself, have Americans become so dull witted and vacant that they find a need to supplement their every day existence with this tripe? The people in charge of this country really have been successful in lowering our standards of education. It's starting to show. This is why we as parents need to be just that, parents. Make sure your child is being educated and not just becoming bloated on the ideals our fast food hip-hop society. Read to your kids, get them some computer software that will help them succeed in their studies. Take away their play station or game console or even go so far as to unplug the television for a while. I'm afraid of our future as Americans. If you need to ask me why I say this then you are a   success story. Don't expect me to defend things like ebonics either. A liberal namby pamby approach to things will never solve or resolve a single thing in our country. Sorry for the rant. I'm not a genius but then again I'm  not so stupid and blind that I can't see what is going on. Wake the fuck up America!

Captain Kangaroo

Bob Keeshan known to many of us as Captain Kangaroo died today. I personally am sad about this seeing how important this show was to me as a kid. We will miss you Captain!

80'S MUSIC MASTURBATION

Was talking with a female coworker today about a wide variety of topics today. She brought up the point that she started masturbating when she was in 3rd grade! I was blown away. She also said she thinks most females are lying when they say that they never masturbate. We talked some more and then we started talking about music and about how it can bring back memories of things or places. I stated the fact that music does this to me a lot. I told her how every time I hear "Brass In Pocket" by The Pretenders I think of masturbation.  It just happened to be on the radio the first time I masturbated as a teenager, probably around 1980. Some guy was talking about jacking off one day after football practice in the locker room. I had thought jerking off was a stupid idea. Well, a few days later I was bored and in my bedroom and nobody else was home at the time so I decided I was going to see what all the hoopla was about. Boy, what a surprise that was! At the moment of climax, another huge surprise, the song on the radio just happened to be "Brass in Pocket." O-kay, enough of that.

THE REVEREND JOE

I'm ordained as a minister! Seriously! I applied at an online site and it's official. The place is called The Universal Life Church and it's even based out of Tucson of all places. I will be able to perform marriages and funerals. This will become handy as I will be able to do this legally for atheists or even people who are Left Handed such as I am. I am trying to get a certificate as a High Priest of The Left Hand Path. The Christians at work are going to love this!

MISTAKEN IDENTITY

A funny thing happened at work today when I walked in. As I walked by a table of my peers, a friend of mine says, "What's up Shop!" I was confused but kept on walking. I needed something to drink so I went and got an Iced Tea. Well, it was almost time for our pre-service meeting and everyone took off but I needed to kill my thirst so I stayed behind. Another friend walks in and says, "Yo, what's up Shop?" So I asked what was up with this shop thing. Big Red just smiled and said, "Whatever dude!" He takes off and I run to catch up with him. I say, "No, really, what is up with this shop thing?" He just started laughing and said to quit fucking with him. So obviously we were both confused at this point. So I forced him to tell me what the hell he was talking about. This is what happened, Big Red and Shambam were playing Half-Life online and someone going by the name of SHOP bopped into the room they were playing in and started a conversation. This person knew Big Red, his wife and kids and other personal stuff. I'm basically the only other person that plays this game with them that knows anything about them so they thought it was me. Well, it wasn't! I haven't even played this game in months, and neither had Big Red until today. So this person got personal with both he and Shambam and said some degrading things to them. They both thought I was fucking with them. It took everything in my might to get Sham to believe me, and he finally did. Anyway, it was very awkward situation. And don't get me wrong, I love a good mind fucking! But I wouldn't bring a persons kids and wife into something like this just for my own amusement. I really would love to know who it was.

WARREN MOON

The football player Warren Moon spoke tonight for the group in house. I didn't listen to any of the speech because I was busy doing mundane tasks and shooting the shit with the other guys. I did stand next to him for a bit and he smiled and said hi. I know nothing about sports so I didn't even try to start a conversation with him. I'll give him major props for being one of the first African-American quarterbacks. Oh, tangent time! Speaking of African-American, a friend of mine at work told me tonight that he had a child with a girl from Alabama who is African-American but is just now getting around to telling people about it. Has nothing to do with her, it's just the rumor mill at work and how they like to tear people apart. Cute kid! I told him he is now an official member of the race mixers club. I'll tell you something about us race mixers, we produce some of the coolest and best looking kids you will ever meet!

NEW COMMENT BOX

Sorry about the comment box not working. I was using BlogOut, or also known as ShoutOut. What a piece of shit! I know, it's free and I basically can't bitch about something that is free, but it's always in a state of ruin and it's just not reliable. So I changed the comment box to HaloScan. Anyway, leave me a comment even if just to say hi so I can tell it's working. I also added four new people to the blogroll. Frozen Ice Queen, Enigmatic Musings, Deep Thinks, and Cindyisms.

LAZY

It's 2:00 p.m. and I just drug my lazy ass out of bed! Everybody is sick here and I think my body is fighting it off. I just couldn't get up this morning, I would roll over look at the clock then just go back to sleep. Even at 1:15 p.m. I couldn't do it. I feel a bit off kilter. I don't need to be sick with a busy work week coming.

UPDATES AND THE PROCESS

Updated a few of the sigils on the right hand side of the page. They are all more authentic. A few people have asked about "The Process" and to those of you that have the answer is no, I do not belong to the movement of the late 60's that called themselves partially by that name. Did they have any connections with Charles Manson? I'm sure they knew of each other, and I'm sure Manson stole ideas from them, but other than that I'm sure they were smart enough to stay away from him. It was "The Family" that supported Manson at his trial, not the Church of the Final Judgement. I think it's kind of like saying the Beach Boys were a part of Manson's movement. Just because some loony decides he wants to hang out with you doesn't make him a part of your organization. Many like minded philosophies spring out of that movement, but seeing that I don't believe in Jehovah, Jesus, Satan, or Lucifer I doubt I would hardly qualify as a follower. They were into a lot of things I would never agree on. I identify more with the movement that sprung out out of the early 90's with people like G.P.O. of Psychic T.V. and Ogre of Skinny Puppy. The basic philosophy is that you control your life by the power of your own will, you shape and mold your process to fit yourself. That's the readers digest version anyway.

T&A
(TITS AND ASIANS)

Tonight was wild, crazy, sexy, funky, weird! I was working a party for a bunch of firemen and their guests that involved an amateur country and western band and three kegs of lite beer. Oh, the keg beer was hosted as was about fifteen bottles of wine. Everything on top of that was cash, and people proceeded to get properly fucked up. One of the guests was a lady wearing a very low cut blouse with no bra. Here is the catch, this lady had some of the pointiest little tits I've ever seen. Yes, that I have seen because one could see them plain as day. Her blouse didn't fit, it hung off of her neck and she didn't have the proper boobage to support such a blouse so all in all her little pointy bananas were there for all to see. And to be serious, this was almost as disturbing as the guy who had hair coming out of his ears a few nights ago. I'm not trying to be offensive or gross, this was my night. Anyway, there was an Asian fraternity party downstairs and Kathy gave me a heads up because she knows how much I love Asian girls. I went down to see what was going on and there were about 50 Asian girls hanging out in the foyer. The guys had kicked their dates out of the room while they performed some kind of secret fraternity ritual. I was in awe! There wasn't an ugly girl anywhere, no lie. And as far as secret ritual goes, well, secret ritual means sneaking in bottles of liqueur (properly disguised as presents) illegally and forcing younger frat members who are not of age to do shots until they vomit all over the room. They didn't advance to GO or even collect their $200 but they did land on chance, and chance would have it that they got their asses booted out of the resort four hours early.

YESTERDAY

I failed to mention yesterday that while at the burger joint I witnessed something slightly disturbing. There was a lady there who was so obese that she had to wedge herself into the booth between the table and the seat. She didn't fit. I could have had three people sitting on my lap and we would have all fit just fine. I'm not making fun of this morbidly obese lady. I'm not a skinny guy, I weigh more than I need to and the last place I need to be hanging out for lunch is at a fast food joint that sells bacon cheese burgers. The point I want to make is this, Who in the fuck do you think your kidding lady? You super sized your whole meal, added a few items and yet you chose a diet cola. Diet cola? Is a diet cola going to make any difference? No, go for the sugar! It tastes better and it's not as harmful as that chemical sweetener your ingesting. Also, at your weight I don't think any diet anything is going to make a difference. O.k. I know I'm babbling, I'll shut up now!

DAMN!!!

It was a long day. Bought a new car as you can see. The 2004 Santa Fe by Hyundai. I had no choice or say in this matter. Anyway, I get the Elantra and that KIA can go to hell. Miranda and Brandon were excited about the new car. All I know it that it's not what I would have chosen.

INSOMNIA

I know it's been a while but I just can't sleep tonight. Josie doesn't feel well so she hasn't slept much yet. She can't understand how I can stay up so late. She still doesn't understand that this isn't a choice. Watched Gangs of New York. It was pretty good. I know it's loosely based on the era and that it kind of happened that way.

WEIRD DAY

It was a weird day. Bumped into a lot of people I know all over the city. Highlight of the day was the girl at the burger place who was filling the ketchup holders. She would literally sit down to place one packet of ketchup in a holder. Honey, get well acquainted with minimum wage!

OY!

Sorry, my comment box isn't working and it was causing the page not to load. Not quite finished running around today. Will have a real post in place of this one within three hours. It's been a long day!

LEMON CURRY

Wow, thanks for all of the instant messages people! Got quite a few new people added to the buddy list on AOL and MSN. I also got E-mail yesterday from a very dear old friend that I went to high school and even dated back in the day. I hadn't heard from her in about four years due to her family moving and my family moving. So glad to have you back in my life Laura!

THAT DEPENDS

I think Josie's mom shit herself, no lie. Something is foul in her room and I don't think it's the corpse of Jimmy Hoffa, I don't think it's Karen Carpenter, and I sure as hell didn't bury any bodies in the house in true John Wayne Gacy fashion. Josie won't say anything so I guess it's burning incense until tomorrow. Miranda grabbed the little dogs kennel so that they can sleep in her room. She said they would die breathing that all night. Dog's eat their own shit, I personally don't think they care. I think someone is getting depends if this happens again.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

Do you think I give a shit about Jesus? Seriously, I have made my self clear to the people at work that I do not believe their god, their messiah, or their dogma. Why do they insist on coming up to me and spouting this irrelevant bullshit. I personally could give a shit about what "god" thinks about me or even homosexuals. As a matter of fact, your messiah is a fisher of men, not hot chicks, go figure. And on a parting note, do you really believe that your Jesus would forgive you of your constant drug abuse and you insulting behavior and not over look a man who desires the love of anther man? "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law," seems more reasonable. Hail yourself!

SHAVE IT!

I'm not grossed out by much. I've seen a guy decapitated by the sunroof of a car, I watched my youngest child born via c-section, I've stepped in fresh dog shit, I've even sat through those "Lord of the Dance" commercials and not much seems to make my stomach turn. But tonight I got fucking grossed out pretty badly. I was working a reception for a medical group and an Asian looking gentleman walks in. I notice something hanging from his ear but he wasn't close enough for me to see what it was. He turned around and the other ear was the same. "What in the hell could it be?" I kept asking myself. Well he got close enough for me to see and it was hair! This guy had huge tufts of hair growing out of his ears. Don't ask me why this bothered me, but it just did.

CARS

My car is fucked. I don't have the money or desire to fix that bitch either. So Josie and I are going to go car shopping on Friday for a new car. Hopefully we can find a deal where we get cash back or move the remainder of our loan with Josie's car onto this new one. Either way, I'm going to be driving a semi-new car now. That KIA is done. I'm going to donate it and write it off on my taxes or trade it in. Now I need to find a new SKINNY PUPPY sticker to decorate my next ride, that or an inverted pentacle.

TODAYS COOL TUNES

Flock of Seagulls - Wishing (If I had a photograph of you)
The Cramps - Let's Get Fucked Up
Switchblade Symphony - Bad Trash
Love and Rockets - Life In Laralay
Hot Hot Heat - Talk to Me, Dance With Me
The Rentals - Friends of P
Gary Numan - Cars
David Bowie - Ashes To Ashes
Ohgr - minus

PIECE OF SHIT CAR

My car just broke down as I was going to work. Lucky it happened here on our street and not five miles up the road. I'm stuck here until Josie comes and picks me up and takes me to work. I'm too broke to fix that piece of shit on top of all this. It's time for a new car, Josie has less than eight months to pay on her car anyway. Man, what next?

THE LIFE OF A SLAVE

I've been living at work for the past four days. Don't get me wrong, I need the money and I want a new computer so I have to force myself to stay and get hours I want a P4 with at least 80 gigs of hard drive space. Anyway, I haven't done anything exciting and nothing exciting has happened. I've been forced to eat a shit load of awesome food though! I forgot how good it is to be able to eat like that and not have to do dishes. I'm going to be gaining my weight back that I lost if I keep this up. One funny thing did happen this morning. Josie hasn't seen me for the past few days so I guess she kind of misses me. This morning she decides she wants to do it. Yeah, IT! So it starts happening, and it's the really good kind too, and then I get a fucking cramp in my leg! All this standing for the past few days has taken it's toll, were talking standing for over 13 hours a day for the past four days or so. Anyway, I know you don't care but that didn't stop anything. I needed to get laid, plain and simple.

SHE LOOKS LIKE HER!

O.k. you all know who Fran Drescher is right? The Nanny, Old Navy, the girl in the movie The Hollywood Knights. Well, today I was working a function that was for the Women In Government group. I had the head table on the stage in addition to my section on the floor and it was an easy lunch. This one lady at the head table looked a lot like Fran Drescher. So I'm thinking to my self that she could pass for her sister, but she isn't as hot as Fran is. Things are moving along and the speaker for the group gets up and they are talking about HMOs and medical stuff then she announces the special guest for the day, Fran Drescher. I guess the lack of makeup and tight fitting cloths threw me for a loop. She was there to talk about cancer of the female type. She had some form of cervical cancer and beat it. So anyway, Fran goes on my list of famous people I've served. Oh, Fran doesn't like making eye contact.

PHONES RINGING

At work tonight I got a call on the cell phone. I see it's my home phone number so I pick it up and say something stupid that I picked up from one of those GI JOE cartoons I linked to a few days back on this blog. Anyway, it's Brandon on the phone. Everyone was outside and he was inside the house by himself and decided he was going to call me. So he found the cell phone number and called to see how and what I was doing. I felt bad for being at work, Brandon missed his daddy and just wanted to talk. Without being a total sissy I do have to say this really touched me. So I have to do something special for him not only because of this, but because he got a great report card. Miranda got a great one as well. She averaged all A's for the first semester. I'm really proud of my kids! I have to do something special for the both of them.

THIS BLOG

I'm living at work until Wednesday so I haven't been home to write here the past couple of days. I'll be around and will try to post something. Oh, and Jett, Miranda told me you chatted with her on the IM tonight. Funny! I must have added you to my buddy list at some point but I don't ever remember seeing you on. I think she thought you were Erin from Sheets and Blankets. If anyone ever wants to chat my IM on aol is Shyven1666 and on MSN it's shyven@hotmail.com and on Yahoo it's Shyven or shyven@yahoo.com. Don't IM me unless you really want to talk because I'm pretty chatty on the instant messenger.

THIS IS HANK!

This is a great story. The name of it is KISSING HANKS ASS. Most of you will not find this funny, but I laughed my ass off.

WORK

Not much happened today. Work was easy today so nothing to report other than I got my annual review and got an extremely good one. That's all I'll say because I don't want to incriminate myself.

FUCKING KICK ASS TUNES

KISS - Only You
Hole - Violet
Fugies - Ready or Not
Marilyn Manson & The Sneaker Pimps -
Long Hard Road Out Of Hell
Alice Cooper - I Like Girls
Tricky - Christiansands
Madonna - Frozen

CHANGE YOUR WHAT?

Had the day off today. I purposely got very little sleep last night so that I could get myself back into "school-work" mode. By that I mean being able to get to sleep at a semi-normal hour and get up so that I can get the kids to school. If I didn't sleep today I should be able to sleep tonight. I have been staying up until 4:30 a.m. and sleeping until noon for the past two weeks. I have to get up at that time tomorrow morning and go to work so hopefully I can get to bed by 9:00 p.m. or so tonight. I neet to successfully change my sleeping patterns.

INTERNET RADIO

Listened to internet radio shows mostly all day. Found a station called RADIO FREE SATAN on LIVE 365. Everything from interviews to music are included on this channel. I heard interviews with Ronnie James Dio, Penn Jillette (Penn &Teller), Gidget Gien (ex-Marilyn Manson guitarist), and someone else that is slipping my mind. Penn Jillette is one smart cookie! I heard music from bands like The Cramps, Cradle of Filth, King Diamond, Puffball, and The New Bomb Turks. Over all it was pretty entertaining. A couple of shows I didn't care that much for, but I was able to sit here, read, and listen all at the same time. Other than that I did a whole lot of nothing. I did make chicken fried steak, green beans, and mashed potatoes with gravy for this evenings meal. Very Midwest but very kick ass! I'm off to bed now.

WEDDING

Last nights wedding was a bit odd. They had a shot of vodka for everyone as they came in the room, a first. They all drank a lot. There was a lady in my section who was just blitzed. It's funny watching really drunk people try to eat. She was trying to eat a piece of wedding cake and she was either really enjoying it or she was pretending to. Regardless, it was fairly comical because she looked like she was caught somewhere between stubbing her toe and an orgasm. Watching her on the dance floor was also comical, you can tell someone grew up in the late 60's early 70's by the way they dance. I don't think dancing under the influence always a good idea. There is something unholy about an intoxicated 60 year old woman shaking her groove-thing to the Rolling Stones. An extremely bizarre moment was when this really nerdy looking young teen age girl was trying to dance with this older 40 something gentleman. She was very klutzy and he was trying to help her dance and not look like an idiot. He would spin her around and she would almost fall over and start dragging him down in the process. This is where it got odd, because he would try to recover from one of her little maneuvers he would end up groping her. I think some of it was on purpose. Then I had to learn a lesson about eating in the cafeteria at work. I say it all of the time, I'm not going to eat the food in there! But then I do and I regret it later. Seven hours later I was sicker than a dog. I have basically been off for two weeks, and felt fine, but the second I go to work and eat the food in the cafeteria my intestinal tract becomes possessed by the devil. I'll spare you the details, they are interesting but unnecessary. Anyway, that last hour was difficult but I made it through. I got home at 1:30 a.m. and then watched the uncensored version of American Wedding. I was laughing harder than hell. I'm a sucker for potty humor. The bachelor party scene was just beyond funny. Anyway, I got to get ready to go back to work now, going to be anther long night! I swear I'm not eating at work tonight!!

BACK TO WORK

I'm thrilled to death because I'm going back to work! Business picks back up today and then it's back to a regular paycheck. I'm working a wedding tonight. I'm sure I'll be bitching and moaning real soon about how tired I am or how busy we are. A whole lot less things should break down this year I hope. Both Dane and little Billy both decided to drop down to part time so our crew is now down about five people. That should mean more work for me. I might actually be able to see the new Lord of the Rings movie in about a week.Wish me luck this year, I'm going to need it.

NEW BLOG

Added a new blog to the blog roll today. It's called The Dumbass Daily and it takes and exposes some idiot on a daily basis. Just click on the link on the right side of the page in my blogrool.

FENLSER'S GI JOE

Anyone seen the parody cartoons of the old G.I. Joe cartoons that Eric Fenlser did? God, I watched these over and over until I almost pissed my pants. You can find a few of them here at Heavengallery which is the official page. The most I found in one page was RIGHT HERE. You can find more of the same, and a few others HERE from the eBaum's World funny media page. Book mark that one because it's loaded with funny stuff. I also found more in this directory on the internet. The #2 .avi in that directory is the Pork Chop Sandwiches clip. There's a file of that clip on one of these sites that you actually have to have a divx player to see it, but this one works fine in Winamp or Windows media. Yet MORE of these at Rip-o-Lot. I found a hard to get one AT THIS place. It's the House Fire clip. After you have watched them and want to know what the clips were originally about you can click THIS PAGE for an explanation of each cartoon. I hope you enjoy these half as much as I did, and if you enjoy them as much as I did let me know. I'm serious, I would love to know what you thought of these clips. I am actually making a song based on The Computer clip, it's not as good as the one you find on Fenlser's page, but it's turning out pretty good. My favorites are Pork Chop Sandwiches, I'm A Computer, The Reggae Bus Ride Song, and The Frozen Ice. I'm a strange cat though and this is what tickles my funny bone. Well, I did a lot of homework for someone out there because a lot of people are looking for these clips of GI Joe by Eric Fenlser and I did better than most, finding about 14 out of the 25 he originally made. I even have the Gay Sailboat clip! Enjoy, I'll update if I find any more, unless you know where I can find the rest, please E-mail me if you do. Check back here often!!!!

HAPPY NEWYEAR!

Happy new year to all of those who read this page on a regular basis, and to those of you who are coming here for your first time! I tried to post yesterday but between Blogger acting weird, and my computer crashing I kept loosing my post. I lost it three times! The third time I just said fuck it! What was wrong you might ask? Well as far as my computer goes someone installed Gator on it and it kept crashing on me. Well, I have spybot search and destroy and it took care of that damn gator!

WINAMP 5.0

Something I did install that I like is the new version of WINAMP. It's pretty sharp! I've been watching internet t.v. and listening to internet radio on it. No, I haven't been watching the porn, but I did check it out. Pretty weak. Anyway, there is a skin called MMD3 that works real well with it, Something I also learned is that Winamp won't play an entire C.D.all the way through! It only plays the tracks separately so you have to install a plug-in that kind of cuts out the gap between the songs (like on Pink Floyd albums) where there normally isn't one. I found the best way around this is to choose the direct sound output, then turn on crossfade and have it set at level two. It's not entirely smooth but works good enough until Winamp pulls their head out of their asses an makes it a standard. I'm trying not to use Microsoft Media player anymore than I have to.

NEW LOOK UPDATED!

Tweaked the feel of this page just a tiny bit and added a third column to even things out. Also updated my favorite C.D.s page and added six more albums that I enjoy there. Just click on the favorite C.D.s button on the left side to access that page. What are some of your favorite albums? Comments damn it! Leave some!! Other than that I'm bored and broke as hell!

NOT MUCH TO REPORT

It's been a pretty dull day mostly spent in front of my computer reading. I did take Brandon to the park today  so he could ride his bike and play with other kids. While there a van full of day care kids showed up. One of them was an eight year old boy who was beyond effeminate. Someone had already cornered the market on the whole drama queen persona at a very early age. Brandon is staying at Christians house tonight so it's basically been two days without kids fighting seeing Miranda spent last night at Lakota's house. So basically I spent the day reading about everyone from Aleister Crowley and Anton Levey to Friedrich Nietzsche. So I learned that syphilis and drugs are bad, as is mental illness. I've also been listening to new wave music the entire day. I had to transfer a whole disk of 80's MP3s to a new disk because the first was spinning poorly in the CD ROM making it sound like it was either about to orgasm or take a dump. Everything is fine now.

WHO IS JESUS?

Brandon earlier in the day made a comment about Jesus. I asked him if he knew who Jesus was. He said, "Yeah, he's that weird guy a lot of people believe in." I asked him if he believed in him. "Nah, he's too weird." Hey, don't blame me for his impression of Jesus, I don't even talk about him in this house unless someone else brings it up! I would have to agree though. Who else would impregnate his own unwed virgin mother in her teens in order to be born as a god who is also a man, and then have himself be put to death so that he could ultimately spare people from his own wrath? You don't even want to know Miranda's impressions of that religion.

TUNES THAT KICKED MY ASS TODAY

Genisis - Mama
Cameo - Word Up
Cabaret Voltaire - I Want You
Altered Images - Happy Birthday
Don Henley - Dirty Laundry
Bronski Beat - Small-town Boy
J Geils Band - Love Stinks

UPDATED!!! 6:00 P.M.

I updated the bottom portion of todays blog simply because I have the tenancy to ramble and leave things out. Sometimes I don't finish sentences even though I'm thinking it in my head so I added a sentence here and a word there.

OH MY GOD!

The Suburbs "In Combo" is out on C.D. and I'm just about ready to shit myself! Do you know how many time I've looked for this on the internet, in record stores, and in second rate whore houses? You simply have no idea. I can't believe they finally released this on C.D. after all these years! This little gem came out in 1980 but I didn't hear of it until 1985. This is probably my favorite new wave band of all time! O-kay, maybe Gary Numan is too, and DEVO, but The Suburbs really didn't get much recognition outside of Minneapolis. CLICK HERE! to hear some clips off of the songs from the album. Tiny People, Goggles On, Cows, Black Leather Stick, Cig Machine, DD 69, Chemistry Set, Underwater Lovers, man talk about a great album full of quirky post punk! I'm too broke to buy it just yet, but I guarantee your sweet little ass I'll have this bad boy in less than a month! Yes, I'm pretty easily excited.

NEW BLOG ADDED

I added a new blog to my blog roll. It's called "The Street Satanist." Before you have a knee-jerk reaction (or leave an idiotic piece of tripe in my comments section) you should read up on what Satanism really is, or even better just don't go there if your offended by such material. Being of the Left Hand Path I'm technically about as close to being a Satanist as one can get. I've gone over why I'm not a Satanist on this blog before and if you want to know why I'm no just ask me. I want a wide variety of blogs on my blogroll and I have Atheists, Christians, Buddhists, and now Satanists. If you know nothing about Satanism other than what you've been taught by your local church or seen on talk shows then educate yourself. If you need help educating yourself don't be afraid to ask me questions. Remember, I don't believe in god nor do I believe in Satan, and don't believe in Zimmerman or even Bob Dylan (joke), and believing in a dead hippy (John Lennon, not Jesus) is simply silly.

HAGS

I'm so tired of being assaulted by bitter old hags at work. One snapped at me tonight but for no reason. I'm letting the office handle these old hags from now on, I'm finished with them. Being nice has gotten me nowhere! Fuck you, fucking bitter old fucks!!!

MUSIC FROM THE ELDER

I'm listening to KISS "Music From The Elder" right now. Most of the critics though it was shit, as did I when it first came out. I was totally Mr. Metal Head at the time and though it was sappy. My opinion now is that it's one of the best records they ever did. I'm still Mr. Metal Head but minus the raging hormones. Anyway, KISS rocks no matter what.

OTHER COOL TUNES TODAY

Emerson, Lake, & Palmer - Lucky Man
Donna Summer - I Feel Love
10CC - I'm Not In Love
Gary Wright - My Love Is Alive
Led Zeppilin - No Quarter
Head East - Never Been Any Reason
Pink Floyd - Time
Rush - Cygnus X1
Spooky Tooth - The Mirror
Steve Miller - Fly Like An Eaagle
Styx - Put Me On
Yes - I've Seen All Good People
Todd Rundgren's Utopia Freak Parade
Frank Zappa - A Token Of My Extreme

MORE MEXICAN PLEASE!

Three days of eating Mexican food can be both good an bad. I love Mexican food! On the other hand I have become this foul smelling individual that nobody wants to be around all of a sudden. Josie's mom finds it all very amusing though. She has learned of the power that I wield and how I can send people running. I never pushed for Mexican food three days in a row though, it's not my fault!!! I'm making fried chicken, mashed potatoes with home made gravy, and some kind of vegetable tonight for dinner. Very non-threatening colonically speaking.

THE DAY AFTER

Yesterday was a tad busy so today I got to put together bikes, shelves, and other assorted Christmas gifts. I said "FUCK!" at least 100 times today. Between smacking my fingers with a hammer, a wrench letting loose off of a nut and my hand slipping into sharp metal, and things generally not fitting or being poorly explained by manuals, I would have to say I faired pretty well seeing that I didn't have a mental breakdown. Did I mention the fact that kids were fighting and so forth during all of this? And Miranda, princess of the house, is being a little bitch. Brandon was nice enough to spend his own money and bought her some nice Lisa Frank stuff for Christmas and she basically told him she didn't want it. He took it back and it hurt his feelings. Brandon decided that if she didn't want it he was going to make good use of it. Well, Miranda wasn't expecting that so all of a sudden she wanted it and Brandon told her no. She started in with major attitude and I sent her to her room.  She really disappointed me today. Brandon on the other hand, who is always spastic and trying to send me over the edge impressed me when he took the present back then stood his ground when she demanded it back. I hope she learns a lesson about giving. Now Josie needs to learn a lesson about giving! Sorry...

WORK

One day of work this week. One day of work next week. How in the fuck can one pay bills this way? I'll be bitching in no time though about how busy it is so forgive my cranky ass.

MOVIES

Watched Jeepers Creepers II last night at Lina and José's place right after we ate more Mexican food. It was much better than I though it would be, both the food and the movie. I must say though Victor Salva's penchant for young boys really shows through in this movie. I can see one or two guys running around with no shirt on, but a whole busload of teenage boys? It was left wide open for a third installment, surprise! In the next movie I want a hotel full of hot Asian chicks to be taunted for two hours. Now that would be rad! On the other hand we had to watch The Hulk on DVD because Brandon got it for Christmas and demanded that we all watch it together. It was a bad movie when I took him to the theater to see it, and it was even worse yesterday sitting at home watching it. I liked Spiderman, but I told Brandon I wasn't watching The Hulk ever again.

A NEW LOOK!

Yes, I went ahead and did it, I gave the page a make over. I think it gives the page a cleaner look and yet remains virtually the same. I had a bitch of a time figuring out how to manipulate css to make it all work. Well, many hours later it's done. With a few tweaks here and there all will be fine. Let me know how you fill about the new look. DO IT! Don't be shy!!!

LOOK WHAT I FOUND

CLICK TO SEE CHRISTMAS CARD

I forgot about this, but this is the Christmas card I sent via e-mail last year. Have a sense of humor about it, not many people who received it did.

FARTS

I have to share this even though it happened about four days ago. A small group of us were working the other night in a pairing of smaller meeting rooms. Three of us working one room and three others in the other. The rooms are connected by a pantry. While in the pantry talking to a co-worker one of the older lady co-workers passed by, goes to open the door to the room she is working in and then pauses. Out came this huge butt ripping fart! She subtly turns around and says, "Oooh, excuse me." I was shocked and said, "Yeah I guess so!!!" I've heard tails (pun) of this happening with her butt (pun) this is the first time I've been exposed to this. I was in shock as were the others sitting there. I'm glad I wasn't drinking mild because it would have shot straight out of my mouth!

EXPERIMENTAL MAYHEM

I've spent about the last 24 hours or so researching electronic music pioneers from the 1940's through the 1960's and came up finding some really cool clips on the internet. Here is just a few of the people I have been reading about all day: Karlheinz Stockhausen, Robert Moog, Raymond Scott, Leon Theremin, John Cage, Pierre Schaeffer, Pierre Henry, Bebe & Louis Barron just to name a few. I found some clips HERE if you want to get a taste of very early experimental music. Listen to them all, even if it drives you a bit batty, it really is beautiful. I can see where groups like Nurse With Wound and Skinny Puppy get some of their influence. Symphonie pour un homme seul is a must listen! Anyway, I've learned a lot of history and it blows my mind that these people were so creative and yet our culture thrives on the vapid tripe thrown at them by the recording industry giants. I know why I'm drawn to more experimental stuff, because it's imaginative and otherworldly. Doubt me? Then go fucking jack off to Coldplay! Trust me? Then go find some Stockhausen, Kraftwerk, The Residents, Ramond Scott (yes, you've listened to him a million times and don't even realize it), or John Cage. It's not all electronic, some of it is piano or tape loops. Oh, and if your looking for some modern experimental stuff then get your hands on Dead Voices On Air, Not Breathing, or even that first Daft Punk album. I thank Señor Jesus de Queso every day for groups like We™, Squarepusher, Apex Twin, Autechre, Download, and Howie B.

COOL TUNES DE JOUR

Spooky Tooth - The Mirror
Hyperdriver - Wasted Prayers
Robert Fripp - 1988
Kraftwerk - Radio Activity
Shizuo - Punks
Laziest Men On Mars - Invasion Of The Gabber Robots
The Residents - Bach Is Dead

TUCSON CHRISTMAS TRAFFIC

Traffic was just off the wall crazy today! Everyone is out trying to buy last minute stuff and it's fucking ugly as hell. I'm not leaving the house until after Christmas! The worst traffic moment today was the lady parked in the middle of Broadway heading east about 500 yards away from the Broadway and Kolb intersection. She was just sitting there casually talking away on her cell phone while traffic was backed up by a good 26 cars or more in the right hand lane. I thought she was having car problems at first but I think she was just to busy talking and didn't want to be bothered. She caught up with us before the light and was speeding like a demon, still on her phone! People are fucking crazy.

ONE VOTE WINS!

O-kay only one person said anything about the layout so I guess I will keep it the same. I was toying around with the lay out because I was bored. Thanks Keith!

SURGERY

My mom had her back operated on today but I am not sure how it went. Will have to call her tomorrow and see. Hope everything is fine with her, wish her well!!!

BURWELL NEBRASKA AND BARTENDING

I added some pictures to the PhotoBlog today of the movie theater I hung out in just about every Saturday night from age 10 till I was 18 years old. Also added an aerial photo of the elementary school I attended. I have dreams about both of those places quite frequently. Speaking of dreams, last night I dreamt that I was applying for work at Ventana Canyon and they were going to hire me as a bar tender. It was a pretty long dream that went nowhere. I was excited to be working there again though.

A NEW LOOK?

Thinking about changing the look to this page? Click above and leave a comment below and let me know if you like the current layout or if I should change it.

The link to this no longer remains, the format did change on this page

ONE OF THOSE DAYS

I'm coming down with something, feels a bit like a cold. I guess I'm due for some kind of illness. I knew I was coming down with something yesterday but Josie tried to convince me I was hung over. Wrong! I know hung over, trust me. Even though I rarely drink anything anymore I will never forget the many times I felt like my head was going to slide off of my neck and my innards were going to bubble up through my throat. So I would still put money on a cold seeing this is day two of the blahs.

HE SAID SHE SAID...

I guess people are already spreading rumors and misquoting me from the other night at the employee holiday party where I won 1st place in the karaoke contest. What I said was, "Are you ready to Rock' n Roll?" Not, "Are you ready to party?" Who gives a fuck about how many drinks I had, I'm a lightweight and it takes virtually nothing to get me drunk. If I had eight beers in two hours I would be so gone that I wouldn't be able to walk! Also, who fucking won that contest? I did! Why? Because people were board stiff and I got them to participate when it was my turn, I didn't just stare blankly at that little t.v. set where they lyrics were being regurgitated up like everyone else did. I took a lifeless party up about two notches and got things going and was having a blast doing it. That does not make one drunk in my opinion.

WHAT NOT TO DO

Yes, it was my wedding anniversary two nights ago and I had to work. I went and sang for my peers instead of going home to watch t.v. with my wife who is comatose after 8:00 p.m. every night of the week. I got in trouble for this and I take full responsibility for this, I should have known better but in my defense I will say this, and have said this (how many times did I just say "this"?) to my wife. Josie falls asleep on the sofa every evening around 8:00 p.m. watching television no matter what day it is. I could be the horniest guy in the world, and who's to say I'm not, and I couldn't budge her from her death like state. What good would have it done for me to come home and watch her sleep for a few minutes then head in here so that I could be with my beloved computer? I rest my case. I've promised something nice for next year, and I know what it is already. I will tell you this though, no matter what it is it will not be good enough for her. That has always been the case on birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, you name it. I gave up trying years ago so I do not feel one bit guilty about two nights ago. I had a blast!

I FUCKING ROCK!

Sure, I worked a double shift today. Sure, it was my wedding anniversary and I got off of work early. Yeah, it was the employee holiday party tonight with a d.j. and lots of food and a karaoke contest to boot. What did I do? Dennis came down to the function I was working and said, "Dude, are you still working? You have to get upstairs and sign up for that karaoke contest, they only have two spots left open and you have about five minutes till they close the contest for entries." So I was off of work and headed home, but the whole idea of going upstairs and singing a song in front of over 200 people was just too inviting so I ran upstairs and got second to last spot for the contest. I'm not going to say everybody was lame because that isn't true. But what everyone was doing was staring at the little t.v. screen and singing to the t.v. and not the audience. It was my turn and I had a beer in hand, held it high and said, "Are you ready to rock and roll???" Every body cheered, then Paranoid by Black Sabbath kicked in and the room fucking went wild! I worked the crowed and even had people dancing on the dance floor. One more person sang after me then they called everyone up. They eliminated almost everybody. It was down to three people, two girls and me. They asked the crowd if they liked the first girl? Cheers. They asked if they liked the second girl. Room went wild!! I'm beat, I just knew it. They started chanting her name, Sarah... SarAH... SARAH!!! And then they announced me and the crowed turned on that dirty bitch Sarah and it turned into, JOE... JOE... JOE.... JOE!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, I won! And what is so great about all of this? The fact that the General Manager and the Assistant General Manager of the resort were in the room chanting my name and holding up drinks. This is far superior to the time I got employee of the month two years ago out of a possible 500 other employees. That is only 12 people out of 500 for the whole year. No one chanted my name then, I only got a hand shake and lunch for two at the resort bistro. I fucking rocked the mic tonight, don't forget that motherfuckers!!!!

GIVING THE FRENCH HEAD

We all know Saddam has been caught so I  don't need to go over the details but I though I would include this picture I found over at the Jeff Rense page. I have nothing to do with this page or the views expressed there so take it for what it is. What are my views on this situation? I'm glad they caught him and I'm sure the world is a better place without this dick head being in charge of my local Denny's franchise let alone an entire country, but even if he does have any important information of any type they are only going to be able to drag it out of him with torture. I don't believe things are going to be any better over there because they found him. It makes Bush look better in the long run but I'm not a dick sucking republican so this is only going to further fuck us all in the long run. I wouldn't vote for this guy even if your were threatening to shove a watermelon up my ass. I'm glad I'm an independent and have the common sense to realize there are more than just republicans and democrats floating around this morbid little stage that we call reality. Who do I endorse at the moment? I really couldn't make a choice at the moment. I wish Jello Biafra was running for president. Jello was the lead singer for The Dead Kennedys and currently does mostly spoken word albums and some punk music. You can listen to free clips of his albums at Alternative Tentacles Records and you can also use a great resource knows as the All Music Guide to find out more about him, The Dead Kennedys, or any of your favorite bands. But as far as this whole war on Iraq goes, I'm dead set against it. I honestly don't think they are achieving anything good in the interest of the U.S but only fattening the pockets of those who already have fat mattresses. My nephew may be being sent there soon but that is what you get for joining the military. I'll quit ranting now and quietly walk on down the hall...

MEAT

Kudos to John and Lisa at work this weekend!!! They saved the life of a woman who was choking to death on a piece of meat. Lisa applied the Heimlich maneuver but to no avail. The lady soon passed out and both John and Lisa carried her out to the foyer and John was then able to dig the piece of meat from her throat and clear a breathing passage. The lady resumed breathing, threw up, and was then fine. She declined medical attention when the paramedics got there, finished her dinner, and went on to dance and have a great time. True heroes in my book!

VERY KERI AND GOD

Boy, how does one describe the very lovely Very Keri? Vivacious, pretty, loony, vegetarian, activist, loony, flippant, spiritual, new-age, did I mention loony? I used to love Keri a whole bunch, but she just kind of floats off the deep end of non-reality far too often for the likes of me. Keri quit working with us about two years ago and has only been joining us on extremely huge functions like the one on Saturday night. So I had not seen hide nor hair of her in a years length. My first impression of her this year was that she was just gone, checked out, left the building, what ever. She went on and on about how she lived in Keri's psychedelic world and how happy she was all of the time. This went on for about 20 minutes, well longer actually because I was finally able to get away and I know she didn't shut up when I left. She made a fool out of herself at roll call and then started in on her spiritual views. She was talking about her views on Jesus, how she was a Jew, a Muslim, a Christian, a Buddhist, from another planet (she also told someone else that I too was from another planet, thanks Keri!) and all of this offended one of the part time guys named Mark and he threatened to take her to human resources if she didn't stop. I don't think he realized that she doesn't work for the resort but had only volunteered to work with us for the evening. She went on and on. Someone suggested that she was high as a kite. Yes, I would have to agree with this, she had to be higher than a mother fucker! She cried, she vented, she went off on the banquet captains and the manager and they had her escorted off property by security. She called my boss the devil at one point, and called the guy she offended Mr. Sideburns guy. I'm going to have to talk to Mr. Sideburns guy to see where he stands on religion because seeing that I'm an atheist I have the tenancy to jump in on nonsensical religious banter if only to mock it. Example? Well, Sunday someone was asking about my water heater going out and I went on to explain about how a lot of things have given out as of late. One of the Christian guys who I like very much said something very stupid. He said, "What kind of message do you thing god is sending you?" I said, "Well, seeing that god does not exist I would say he's sending no message, but if he did and he was responsible for all of this I would have to say god is a real asshole!" Not even a rebuttal of any sort.

DAY 3 OF 3 AND BEYOND

Crispy fried Jesus am I glad to be home doing nothing! Well, that is a lie seeing I'm in front of a computer typing away and listening to Joe's Garage Acts I, II, and III by Frank Zappa, but it's bliss all the same. Day 2 of 3 of living at work was hell, but day 3 of 3 was worse than I could have imagined it. The other night I had finished typing my blog entry and headed to bed so that I could get a measly four hours of sleep before work started all over again. On my way to bed I had the misfortune of stepping in a puddle of warm water that I mistook as dog piss. Well, it wasn't piss, it was water from my water heater saturating the carpet. Yes, the damn thing had given up and died while making one hell of a mess in the process. I woke Josie up and started cleaning up the water. She was going to work with us on Sunday but someone needed to stay home and get things straightened out. I couldn't because it was the busiest day of the year and I would have been crucified and disowned by everyone at work. Josie elected to stay home because she didn't really want to work with us anyway and someone needed to stay home and get that damn thing replaced. Well, she impressed the hell out of me! She had that damn thing bought and installed before 10:00 a.m. that same day! Total cost? Well, it cost just under $300 for the water heater and free installation courtesy of my neighbor Jerry and my brother-in-law Luis. Do I have $300 to spend on a water heater? Fuck no!!! Anyway, back to work. It was the huge yearly Christmas brunch for the Jim Click (local car dealer) employees. The laundry department forgot to wash the white linens to be used on this particular event. After substituting Christmas colors in place of the white that had been ordered by the client, setting most of the room with red and green, the client showed up and demanded the white that had been ordered. This friends set the pace for the rest of the day. People didn't show up for work, many showed up late, some showed up even later than that, and it was a mad dash to the finish line. The only prize I won in this fabulous endeavor was that I got to carve meat all day instead of the person who was assigned to do so. That is what you get for being four hours late for work. Why is this such a treat? It's a great little job because you get to talk to the client all day and escape the doldrums of everyday banquet serving. The function was a success but I was scheduled for another function at the country club after that. We were promised we wouldn't have to do extra duties by the manager of the country club earlier in the day. That means moving tables and huge stacks of chairs. We were lied to. After 13 hours of work we then had to move tables and chairs around. Well, we brought this to the attention of senior management at the resort and they are going to take corrective action against said manager for making us do this shit after we all just put in three days of double shifts. You see, the country club associates didn't partake in any of the mayhem that weekend, knew that we all had just worked like mad dogs for three days, and chose to not help any of us and then proceeded to go home early, manager included. After work Will and I went out for a couple of beers. After two beers I was about to pass out and headed home. I took a shower and Josie said I passed out in a matter of seconds after hitting the bed. I woke up this afternoon at 12:30 p.m. and went to a meeting with our managers and senior management. It was a two hour bitch-fest for the most part. I pissed some people (fellow associates)off at the meeting but fuck them, bitter fuckers. I'll type more tomorrow about day two of three and little "very" Keri and her journey into insanity that got her escorted off of property two nights ago.

DAY 2 OF 3

Holy fuck! I'm beat to a fucking pulp and you want to talk about drama! I'll write more later, I have to be back to work in five hours, I need sleep and tomorrow is going to be hell. Yesterday was not so bad, today was hell, I can't even imagine what the hell tomorrow holds. Oh, and you, yes you! People at work are pissed off at you buddy! You pulled some pretty fast shit by calling in like you did today and people are not happy about it. Plus, you missed a coworker getting escorted off of property tonight for being a babbling psychotic mess. Drugs and work don't mix. I need to get sleep now. Fucking A, I don't want to work tomorrow!!!!

DAY 1 OF 3

Today is busy day 1 out of 3. I went into work at 4:45 a.m. today and did a breakfast for about 12 people. After that I gathered things for the event happening tonight. I was lucky enough to get home at 11:00a.m. and took a nap. It's now 2:19p.m. and I have to get back to work. Can you feel the excitement! I'm so excited I can hardly keep from pissing myself. I'll type more tonight if something actually happens. This is going to be a long weekend.

LUCKY WISHBONE

Had Lucky Wishbone chicken last night. Damn, I loves me some Lucky Wishbone chicken! Chicken, garlic toast, french fries, and jalapeno peppers, talk about orgasmic! If you don't live in Tucson and have never had it, your missing out. If you live in Tucson and don't like it, your missing out. No Viki, I'm not trying to make you home sick,   I promise! I know you have all heard me rant about Lucky Wishbone before, and it won't be the last!

VASELINE AND SMOKING POT

Here is the story I promised about a week ago. It was late July or early August 1985 during monsoon season and I had only smoked pot once before but I was pretty drunk when I had done it. I was at my future home Corona Ranch visiting my friend Mark. Mark suggested that we get high so I said sure. Mark proceeded to roll three extremely fat joints. I didn't know anything about dope smoking at that point so little did I know that Mark only smoked premium marijuana and rolled fat joints. We smoke all three! Mark put on Electric Ladyland by Jimi Hendrix and started talking. I was pretty stoned and was trying to focus. I started feeling sick and thought I was going to pass out. It was only pot induced apnea, which is a temporary absence or cessation of breathing. So I took a deep breath and felt much better! Then Mark says, "Oh, you have got to see this!" He goes to a closet and takes out a box that is 2' long by 1' wide and about 1' deep. Inside this little gem was a crusty old rag, a stack of the nastiest porn magazines you have ever seen, and a large jar of Vaseline with a big four fingered scoop mark taken out of it. He says, "This.......... is Steve's." Steve was his roommate who I also knew from work. Archetypes for Steve are Norton on The Honeymooners, the character John Candy played in Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, and looked a bit like Ron Jeremy the porn star who is pictured here:



I was flabbergasted because not only was I stoned out of my mind, but the porn magazines were the type that come in a brown paper bag and costs around $50 or so. The one image that sticks in my mind to this very day is this ghastly pail looking 50 year old crack whore being sodomized by this huge black guy with a 12" cock. It was more than I could handle so I made Mark put it away. I was having trouble controlling the muscles in my legs and they kept knocking together. It started to rain outside because it was monsoon season and around 3:00 in the afternoon. Almost as soon as it started to rain the song Rainy Day Dream Away came on. Jimi starts talking and says this:


Hey man,
take a look out the window 'n' see what's happenin'
Hey man, it's rainin'
It's rainin' outside man
Aw, don't worry 'bout that
Everything's gonna be everything
We'll get into somethin' real nice you know
Sit back and groove on a rainy day
Yeah (tokes up) Ump...
Yeah I see what you mean brother, lay back and groove.

Jimi had come back to life and was talking to me. How did he know it was raining? Yes, it was going to be groovy wasn't it! Man, that was one of the most spiritual moments of my entire life. I was still a Christian back then too, so the Christians can save their mockery, I'm being totally honest about this. The whole atmosphere of being here:



in the foothills near the Santa Catalina Mountains during the monsoon with Hendrix playing in the background was just otherworldly. The old adobe wall behind the bride in the picture is all of what is left of where Mark and Steve lived, I would have been sitting just beyond that door. After Electric Ladyland was over Mark put on GESANG DER JÜNGLINGE (song of the youths) and KONTAKTE  (contacts) by Karlheinz Stockhausen. Mind fuck. The whole experience was just beyond wild. A couple of hours later I needed to get going and Mark had things to do so I got in my car. It was an automatic and I put it in 2nd gear instead of drive and drove for about six miles like that. Duh.... I haven't seen Mark in years. He inherited close to a million dollars. I know he blew through the first half of that in three years and I hope he was smarter with the second half of his money.

LOCKDOWN

When I got home yesterday my mother-in-law tells me I need to call Josie right away, the kids are not being let out of school. Wow, this is about and hour after they should have already been let out! I call Josie on her cell and she tells me that a bank got knocked over and the suspects are in the neighborhood of the School so it was being locked down for the kids safety, Josie was stuck as well being on campus. So Miranda was stuck inside for an hour and Brandon for almost two. Neither of them were scared so that is a good thing. Both bank robbers were caught.

IMPRISONED

Yes, I basically spent the last four days at work. Not much you can do when your scheduled for double shifts so many days in a row and really need the money. Very few moments to report over the past few days. Worked a brunch on Sunday for a bunch of old people. I saw the worse application of makeup by a human being ever. This lady must have been eighty something and had pale white makeup with bright red streaks across her cheeks. It was very clown like, almost a cruel joke upon herself. He husband was almost dead and started demanding cocktails! We were about 100 yards away from any bar and we just didn't have the capacity to run drinks all day. Other than that, I've basically been going through the paces of working, coming home and sleeping, taking a shower and starting the whole process over again. A blast, it was simply four days of working for the  man.

O.C.D.

I don't think I have obsessive compulsive disorders of any type but yesterday I think I did something bordering on compulsive. I took my computer keyboard apart, every key and washed them, and washed the board itself where the keys rest. Talk about vile! It's truly disgusting what can work it's way between the keys of your computer keyboard in three to four years. Lot's of hair, dust, and crumbs of all sorts. Why did I do all of this? Well, seeing that it was getting hard to type without some keys sticking, and being a bit poor at the moment and not wanting to spend $14 on a generic keyboard, I decided that it would be worth trying to clean this and make it work better. Well, it does so I'll take it as an extra $14 I can keep in my pocket for now. Took almost two hours by the way.

TERMINAL BITCHINESS

Is it just my perception or are most older people just laden with bitchiness? Take for example the old lady at the doctors office this morning. The office ladies were scanning insurance cards because they have a new system that allows them to do it so that they have a digital document of it, and at the same time they were verifying peoples addresses. They asked this old hag if she was still at such and such address and she says in a wicked evil witch like tone, "What do you think, I've only lived there for the past six years!" I was so tempted to tell her to calm down but the whole waiting room was filled with senior citizens, or is the politically correct term "Old Americans?" Anyhow, I didn't need to start a riot and get my self caned to death for telling some old hag to calm the fuck down. Oh, I was down a pound from six months ago, so that means I gained weight this past six months, then lost it all plus a pound. I need to lay off the carbs and start eating better, that's a given. I also need to dust off the bike and get my heart going a bit. I need to lose about fifty pounds to be totally skinny, and I do mean skinny. Thirty pounds to be where I was before I got married and all sloppy. We shall see.

MONEY

Work will be busier that expected next week, which is a good thing! I'm so fucking broke it's not funny. Why? Because everything decided to break down all at the same time these past two months, fixed up a room for the mother-in-law, and I held Thanksgiving at my house, and bought too much Christmas related materials for my kids. I hate Christmas because society expects you to spend copious amounts of money on your kids. If you don't then your either a bad parent or a scrooge, or low income. Funny thing is that I'm none of these things. I'm not a Christian either, so I should be void of even giving a fuck about this whole holiday. The funniest difference between my kids and I is that I had to wait for Christmas to get cool stuff, and new clothes. My kids get cool shit and clothes all year long! The matrix has me by the balls, where the fuck is Morpheus?

SEBADOH

Thanks to DATA JOCKY for turning me on to some totally cool music I missed out on in the late 80's. I know absolutely nothing about this band but I dig the album I'm listening to right now. Thanks man, your the coolest!!!

BROKE

How broke? I have only overdrawn on my account once and that was back in 1985. Well, then and now. That's twice. Seeing how dead it's been at work and all the money I've pumped into this house, add in Thanksgiving and another mouth to feed and yes, I did it! I overlooked one bill and sent myself over the edge by $50, tack on another $25 for going over and there you have it! Let's not forget the few Christmas gifts I bought and buying Louie and Martin some beer. I'm a bona fide dumb ass. I'm blaming this one on Satan just because I'm stupid enough to do it.

PENIS

The word of the week is penis. I just can't get away from penis this week no matter how I try. It shows up in my e-mail, funny video clips I've seen on the web, television, news articles, my coffee, just everywhere. I literally had to beat mine into submission for not behaving properly earlier in the week. Penis, can't live with it, can't shove it in a co-workers face. Hmmmm....

QUEER-EYED

Anyone watch Queer-Eyed tonight? They were making over one of the male hosts of IMX that is on the music channel FUSE. Fuse is a million times better than MTV could ever hope to be, wake up MTV! Towards the end of the show they were showing him on on IMX showing off his new look. There was the lovely Juliya Chernetsky looking as beautiful as ever. Juliya is the hostess of Uranium and on IMX as well. She rocks, and I'm totally in lust with her. The guys on Queer-Eyed didn't care for her much. She still rocks!

NEW NEW NEW

I have to pay to keep the old comment box so fuck it! Here is a the old one I had, it's called SHOUT OUT. This is probably temporary.

I left out a part of the dream in the last post. There was a little dream where a guy was singing a song about corn flakes. My mind must be gone.

HO HO EH DER...... HO

All the retardation that Christmas brings is upon us! Not just a little bit, but a lot bit. The snowbirds have arrived in Tucson, traffic is insane even just to pick up the kids from school, and people are being crushed while shopping! Yes, did you read about this? Ah, nothing beats a $29 DVD player! I hate Christmas, I really do. It's nothing but commercialism glorified a million times over. I dig Halloween, but Christmas sucks. Sure, we still do the whole fake tree and lights and all of that for the kids, but I'd rather bypass the whole season. Bah humbug!

THE GREEN MILE

A friend just lent me this movie and I've watched it twice now. I really enjoyed it! After seeing a slew of horrible movies as of late it was good to see something of merit. Now I have to read the book! I quit reading Stephen King after MISERY came out, so there are a lot of his books I need to get and read. I kind of achieved that Stephen King burn out syndrome where you've just read so many of his books that it all starts to seem the same. So I have The Green Mile on deck, Insomnia is in the wings as well. What's your favorite horror novel? I'm curious, may be something I've missed and need to read. My personal favorite horror reads were The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty, The Stand by Stephen King, and Different Seasons by Stephen King. Three out of the four short stories in that book were made into movies. It's funny because I went to go see the movie Stand By Me without knowing anything about it when it came out. A friend stopped by on his way to the movies and asked if I wanted to tag along. So I hadn't heard anything about this movie, had never heard about it and yet as the movie progressed I had a sickening felling of deja vu that was freaking me out something fierce. It wasn't until the scene where the boy is telling a story about the pie eating contest that it dawned on me that it was a movie about The Body by Steven King. I think I got the same feeling the first time I watched Deep Throat.

DREAM

I felt real tired after cooking dinner this evening so I went to bed at six and woke up two hours later. I had a dream about my grandmother who just passed away. I was still living at Corona Ranch and my grandmother was coming to live with me. Grandad was still alive too and he said, "Hi, remember me?" It was very weird. Some of the best moments of my life were spent during the six years I lived at Corona ranch before it was turned into a bed and breakfast. My daughter was made there, my first sexual experience (with another person) was there. First time I smoked pot or dropped acid was there. I wish I could move back, and if I ever win the lottery I'm going to buy it! Remind me to tell you some stories about Steve sometime. There is a story about a box of nasty porno magazines, a crusty rag, and a large jar of Vaseline that had a huge scoop taken out of it with four fingers that goes along with my first visit to Corona Ranch where I was getting high for the first time. I'll write about it tomorrow, stay tuned!!! Oh, and go visit the web site that I linked to and check out the pictures. Truly a cool place!