T&A
(TITS AND ASIANS)

Tonight was wild, crazy, sexy, funky, weird! I was working a party for a bunch of firemen and their guests that involved an amateur country and western band and three kegs of lite beer. Oh, the keg beer was hosted as was about fifteen bottles of wine. Everything on top of that was cash, and people proceeded to get properly fucked up. One of the guests was a lady wearing a very low cut blouse with no bra. Here is the catch, this lady had some of the pointiest little tits I've ever seen. Yes, that I have seen because one could see them plain as day. Her blouse didn't fit, it hung off of her neck and she didn't have the proper boobage to support such a blouse so all in all her little pointy bananas were there for all to see. And to be serious, this was almost as disturbing as the guy who had hair coming out of his ears a few nights ago. I'm not trying to be offensive or gross, this was my night. Anyway, there was an Asian fraternity party downstairs and Kathy gave me a heads up because she knows how much I love Asian girls. I went down to see what was going on and there were about 50 Asian girls hanging out in the foyer. The guys had kicked their dates out of the room while they performed some kind of secret fraternity ritual. I was in awe! There wasn't an ugly girl anywhere, no lie. And as far as secret ritual goes, well, secret ritual means sneaking in bottles of liqueur (properly disguised as presents) illegally and forcing younger frat members who are not of age to do shots until they vomit all over the room. They didn't advance to GO or even collect their $200 but they did land on chance, and chance would have it that they got their asses booted out of the resort four hours early.

YESTERDAY

I failed to mention yesterday that while at the burger joint I witnessed something slightly disturbing. There was a lady there who was so obese that she had to wedge herself into the booth between the table and the seat. She didn't fit. I could have had three people sitting on my lap and we would have all fit just fine. I'm not making fun of this morbidly obese lady. I'm not a skinny guy, I weigh more than I need to and the last place I need to be hanging out for lunch is at a fast food joint that sells bacon cheese burgers. The point I want to make is this, Who in the fuck do you think your kidding lady? You super sized your whole meal, added a few items and yet you chose a diet cola. Diet cola? Is a diet cola going to make any difference? No, go for the sugar! It tastes better and it's not as harmful as that chemical sweetener your ingesting. Also, at your weight I don't think any diet anything is going to make a difference. O.k. I know I'm babbling, I'll shut up now!