DREAM WEIRDNESS

Oh my! That was just plain weird. I'm dreaming that I'm on vacation and I'm at a resort trying to check in but people keep cutting in line right in front of me. There is a tank convention going on. People are talking about tanks, there is a huge tank out on the lawn for display, a lady is talking about the film about tanks is just about to start and she needs to get going. All I can do is think about how rude people are, I go to our room and get simi-situated and start talking about who knows what while Josie is flipping through channels on t.v. and happens upon a porn channel. She just keeps flipping through channels and I go back to see if I can get checked in this time (lord only knows how I got keys to the room). I get to the desk and people are cutting in front of me again, I protest and make my way to the front of the line where they start checking me in. Several packages are waiting for me along with a letter from the car rental agency. The letter is urgent, saying I have to return the car to Houston Texas right away because I violated the rental agreement. Why Texas? I feel panicked all of a sudden. Then there is a package and a huge stack of papers with some official seal on them. Typed on the package wrapper is ARIZONA:PERVERT. Brandon woke me up at this very moment asking for a glass of milk. Who knows what the fuck that was about or were it was going. I can tell it's going to be a weird day.

Wal-Mart PHONE CALL

As we were strolling into Wal-Mart last night we passed by a line of pay phones. One of them was ringing so I picked it up. I always pick up ringing pay phones because it's generally fun to fuck with the people on the other end. They guy on the other end had a heavy Chicano accent. So here is the conversation that ensued:

ME: Hello?

PHONE GUY: Yo man, where's Andrique? Has he got the shit? (sounds like: As EEE got dah sheet?)

ME: Ah yeah, he's got the shit!

PHONE GUY: How much es it going to cost, man?

ME: 25 cents

PHONE GUY: 25 cents? What the....?

ME: Yep, 25 cents.

PHONE GUY: Fuck, put Andrique on the phone!

ME: It's 25 cents, Andrique doesn't want to talk to your lame ass anyway.

PHONE GUY: Fuck you! What kind of cheap ass shit are you trying to sell, 25 cents...

ME: It's the best cheap ass shit you can by for that price, take it or leave it.

PHONE GUY: Aw fuck, put Andrique on the phone!

I hand the phone to Brandon, who is five by the way. I whisper in his ear to say, odelay vato.

BRANDON: Odelay, vato...............(grimace) Dad, he hung up.....

THE STUPIDS, REBATE CHECKS, AND EATING OUT

Ah, plans ruined by the in-laws (the stupids) once again. We were going out to eat because I got my $760 worth in escrow back from Principle Financial, long story. Anyway, I got the money back, with a letter explaining why and all, and I'm back to where I needed to be for the summer. The resort business slows down to deaths pace during the summer and I don't make much money during this period so I have to be careful not to over spend. So, business will be picking back up in a few weeks and I'll be busy as hell making money again. So seeing I had my money back I told Josie and the kids that we would go out and eat wherever they wanted to go. Well, we couldn't just get going because her sister was going to come over and pick up the old gas stove we replaced around Christmas. Fine, it's been sitting in the garage for about eight months. So an hour passes buy and they haven't stopped by for the stove. Josie calls to see if they are coming for the stove. Yes, they will be right over. Another hour passes. I'm happy to be getting rid of the stove but our chances for going out and eating someplace nice is diminishing by every hour. Josie calls once again, they are just leaving. They live about ten minutes away from us but it takes them another half an hour to get to our place. It's now 7:30 p.m. and we get the stove loaded and sent off by 8:15 p.m. Fine, we still have a chance. We all get in the car, and Josie ends up in the parking lot of Wal-Mart. What is going on? Josie needs to get some things. Protest! Protest denied. Josie is one of those people who spends over an hour no matter where she's shopping. We are walking into Wal-Mart when I had an interesting phone call. We do manage to get out of Wal-Mart by 9:00 p.m. but it's too late to get into most places because they are closing by then. So we got burgers at Wendys. Yuck.