DRINKING

I went out and got drunk for the first time in a long time a few nights ago after work with the guys. I never seem to get out anymore and I'll tell ya that I had a blast! I think I might have taken it to far by playing a lot of Journey on the jukebox, but it was balanced out with Black Sabbath and various other rock tunes. Big Red got toasted, and ended up hugging and kissing everybody and telling them he loved them. I got to hear about how I worship Satan and am damned as well, but I'll save that subject for later.

NO REST FOR THE WICKED

Just haven't been around to write this silly little blog as of late. And for the people who come here and think I'm personally attacking their religious beliefs you need not fret, it's not attack against the reader. It's usually in response to an E-mail or comment made to me at work. Trust me on this one, I have a very good one worked up for here but I will not type it out, even though that is what this blog was intentionally set up for, my little rants. You also have to understand that a person like myself is beat down on a daily basis by Christianity, how can I not dislike it? I don't go out and look to start arguments about the subject, but I'll be damned (as most of them think) if you think I'll stand idly by as people slam me for not being one of the chosen. But anyway, I'm not in the mood to get all lathered up about the subject this morning. So if your offended, I'm sorry. But then again, so am I! Maybe I'll set up another blog strictly for the subject.

THIS BLOG

I'll try to keep the posts short and happy-go-lucky. I will post a warning from now on if I might offend somebody. Like I said, I'm not attacking the reader here, I'm only responding to people from any given day that have attacked me and set me off. I respect you all coming here, even though it feels like I don't have that many people coming here. Keep the comments coming though, at least I can tell how you all feel when I'm pissing you all off and can respond.

ONE YEAR!

Wow, it's been one year of blogging! This started as an experiment and I didn't know I would still be doing this a whole year later. I have got a ton of positive feedback about this page over the past year, a very few negative. Someone wrote me an e-mail a few days ago after they read this and told me it wasn't too late to turn to god and be saved. Well, sorry honey! I've been there and done all that, and it made little to no sense! So sorry I haven't written a whole bunch as of late, felt I would take a week off and start back up as soon as the anniversary date came around. Thanks to everyone who reads this, to the friends I've made this past year because of this blog. I really do enjoy and treasure chatting with you guys when I'm home and able to do so. I hope this next year produces just as many great friends as I have made this year. Rock on you motherfuckers!

WHAT HAPPENS?

I got a huge response about the remote viewing post I put up about a week ago. A lot of people either commented, e-mailed me, or sent me an IM about this. A lot of people wanted to know about the alien thing. This is what I have been told, and I don't mean to be cryptic or anything but I can't talk about how or why I know. What I was told about six years ago is that the truth about alien civilizations would be revealed by the summer of 2005. This was the ultimatum given to our government. I read elsewhere that this was the plan but it's been pushed back, and a remote viewer said this would come to pass within the next seven years. Do I believe this? I won't say yes, and then again I don't think I would be very surprised if I turned on CNN tomorrow and saw huge ships hovering over some major cities like in the movie ID4. Life goes on regardless. If I had to put money on it I would say the chances of a civilization greater than ours making contact with us surpasses the chances of Jesus coming back.

WORK

Work was pretty lax this past week. I was given a full plate as far as scheduled work goes but ended up giving about 25% of it away so that I could keep my sanity. At the monthly meeting we were told the word "HAG" will not be tolerated. The boss read the definition and I had to bite me tongue to keep from laughing. Hey, if it looks like one, and it acts like one, then chances are it is one! One of the groups in house has a guy by the name of Michael Hunt. No lie! One of my friends at work said, "Hey, how's Mike Hunt!" Michael didn't find this funny seeing that this has been going on his whole life. I again had to bite my tongue. Also, a friend of mine at work who tends to stretch the truth, no wait, lie a lot came up with some whoppers this past week. I love the guy, I really do! But it's insulting as hell when he does this. I want him to stop and will more than likely confront him about it soon, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. I don't need my intelligence insulted so if your reading this, and you realize I'm talking about you, then please stop! Your a good guy but your full of shit! Nobody believes anything you've been saying, trust me on this one.

STEAK PLEASE!

This is the latest thing the media seems to be beating to a pulp. Mel Gibson's movie about Ted Johnson (real name Yahshua, but people call him Jesus because names don't matter, even though the bible tells you they do) who is put to death on a cross (people who really know their religion and have actually studied it know he was put to death on a living tree) and then arises magically three days and nights (do the math, Easter Sunday doesn't compute) to be seated at the right hand of himself (this schizophrenic shit should throw up a red flag for Christians) for all eternity. Who cares! I hope Gibson does a movie about the holocaust next because that subject hasn't been touched either. Then maybe he and Peter Jackson can collaborate on Jackson's rendition of KING KONG! Drop King Kong and move straight on to THE HOBBIT for god's sake! You know, back to the Jesus thing, it's funny how he's still being portrayed as an effeminate white guy after all of these years. Too bad Andy Warhol isn't still alive, he was an effeminate white male, as was Divine:

which would have been better because they need keep portraying this guy as both effeminate, white, and divine. I personally want to make a movie on the life of Satan and have him portrayed as a red guy with horns, a tail, who hisses when he talks. Charles Nelson Riely:

would play Satan of course, seeing how diabolical he is. Okay, I'll shut up now because I know this will piss off about 90% of the people who read this blog.

REMOTE VIEWING

Was listening to a remote viewer talk on the  radio the other night. This guy is retired at age 30 or so! What does he do for income? He wins lotteries by remote viewing the winning numbers! In laymen's terms, he's a psychic, one of the best. How real is remote viewing? So real that the government sponsored and trained people to do this. I'm not shitting you, do some research! No, he's not a John Edwards "I'm speaking with a dead relative who's name begins with a K or W, and is a man or a woman, and had a mother and a father, once drove in a car, and likes chocolate" type of psychic, he's the real thing. Anyway, after listening to him talk for an hour or so I dozed off, but what he was talking about didn't sit very well with me. Things don't look too bright in the near future for any of us. I hope this guy is wrong, but from what I understand that he was trained by one of the governments top remote viewers and is himself very accurate. We do have the power to change the future though! He confirmed what I have been saying on this blog for over a year now, humans need to evolve now and move beyond religion. It's not advancing us, and never has. He also confirmed one of my theories on the origins of our species, and some pretty far out ideas about advanced civilizations that have interacted with our own. You probably think I'm a loony crackpot who is delusional. Then again, I don't base my morals and life on a book filled with talking donkeys, evil talking snakes, incest, pimping out your daughters to an angry mob to protect angels,  glowing heads, bears sent by god to rip children apart, raining frogs, and emulate conception. If one of my sources and this remote viewer are correct, then you have less than 7 years to go before you get the shock of a life time.

TRASH

We have a ton of stuff laying around inside the garage that serves us no purpose anymore, mostly simi-broken furniture. So I kept telling Josie that we should just stick this stuff out on the corner of the street by our house and that it would be picked up people driving by. She wouldn't let me do this, wouldn't believe that people would just pick up our garbage off the street to have as their very own. Well, Josie (I'm calling her OCD now as a nick name) was on one of her cleaning missions, and it overflowed from the yard into the garage. She gave me a ration of shit about all the stuff that was cluttering up the garage so I  got Miranda to help me put some of these items on the curb next the street where the ally meets up with it. The first item was gone in less than 30 minutes! Josie couldn't believe it. Then I sat two more items out. About an hour later they were gone too! It was at this time that I realized that the old water heater we replaced in December had been taken as well! Funny, but I'm almost afraid to leave my car in the driveway at this point!

SMORGASBORD

Oy! Man, it's just one of those weird nights and weird stuff is coming to mind so I have to type it out before it's gone. So who remembers that kid from the 70's named Mason Reese? He seemed to be a regular on The Mike Douglas Show as well as doing those damn Underwood commercials that trained me to hate the word "smorgasbord." Their commercials also featured that damn devil that scared the shit out of me. My parents had taken it upon themselves to teach us the fine beliefs of the Christian religion and I was scared to death of the devil. How could people eat this stuff that was endorsed by Satan himself?

RANDOM WEIRD STUFF

I'm having a flood of weird thoughts tonight. I had a recurring dream up till the age of five or six of these little hooded guys coming through the wall in the closet via a void or portal of some sort. They would threaten to take my toys if I didn't do what they wanted. I can't remember what they wanted me to do, but I remember the portal as if it were right here beside me. Remember, I was about four when this happened. I've also run into somebody who had the same thing happen to them at the same age who is my age as well, down to the last detail! This person told me about this without me telling them my story, ever! Weird as anything I can think of, honestly. I also had this weird recurring dream involving this lady and a force field made of some kind of power. This one lasted up until I was a teenager. Like my brother says, there is this weird vortex that surrounds me. I'm going to be honest now, this isn't grandstanding or making up shit to get attention but I have no way to explain a lot of this weird shit that happens to me on a regular basis. The little guys that came through the closet, me drawing UFO's on the wall at the same age, seeing huge eyes in the dark a few years later. How did I see these eyes in the dark? They were reflecting the little bit of light that was coming from the window. All the weird paranormal shit I've witnessed. Me blurting out sentences for people before they had the chance to say them. This happened just a couple of days ago. I actually had one girl tell me she wished I would stay out of her head. It happens more with some people than others. How do you explain these things and try to remain sane? Seriously! I remember a time about 30 years ago when I was at the river swimming with a whole bunch of other kids. This older kids glasses fell off. He yelled, "My glasses!" I was about ten feet away from him and I reached down and grabbed his glasses out of the murky water as naturally as if someone had tossed them at me. Not only was the water so murky that I wouldn't have been able to see them but I was turned around in the opposite direction and had no idea where he had dropped those damn things. I'm not going to entertain the idea of being possessed or demons being attracted to me because to me that seems crazier than any of the things that I have just mentioned. I shouldn't post any of this. I've already posted some of this, and there are people who read this blog that know about these things. I guess this is the reason I created this blog in the first place, to be able to work through these things, try to find some rational explanation for some of these things. Weird shit happens to people all of the time. It's a fact.

DREAM WEIRDNESS

Anyone ever hear someone calling their name when they are sleeping or just dozing off? I have a lady who does this all of the time. She did it this week again. Now and again the voice will be made up of bells. I also hear a screen door lightly tapping against it's frame, paper rustling, tapping (from elsewhere, not in this dimension, this one is hard to explain), and the occasional loud boom (hasn't happened in the past four years). There is a lady who holds a silver strand in dream land, and I heard someone talking about this on television with in the past three years on the television. Anyone else have this kind of dream weirdness? I still have the recurring dreams about tornadoes, snakes, flying, my parents house, Corona Ranch, and even driving off of bridges. I know this was a pretty whacked out post, but I have to get it out of my system or I won't be able to sleep tonight! I swear to you I'm not making any of this up.

VALENTINES DAY

Spent last night with Josie, alone! No kids! We spent the night at Corona Ranch. We stayed in this room here:

I just happened to live in this very room in the 80's and lost my virginity here to a girl from El Salvador. I smoked a lot of dope here back in the day. I also spent a lot of lonely hours in this room. It was almost like going home. Josie enjoyed it anyway! I have to go get the camera tomorrow, I locked it by accident in the room. No, no sex pictures! So what we did last night was this. We went out and ate Mexican food, then we went to see the latest Lord of the Rings movie. A lot of people told me they didn't care for the last one but I thought they did a great job! Then we spent time together out at the ranch. We did the nasty, with no interruptions, it was fantastic! I just had to share that!

UH....

I walked into the bathroom yesterday and it looked like a small shit hurricane had blown through. Shit on the toilet, on the floor, in the sink along with toilet paper. I asked Brandon if he had taken a dump in there and he said no, that he had done his business in his own bathroom. True, I remember this. Of course this opened up a line of questioning from Brandon. Why did I need to know? What happened? Etc. Miranda was at the mall, Josie was outside, and I was on the computer. Josie's mom had been in there just a while before. So, my conclusion is that she shit herself and did a poor job covering her tracks. I don't think this is the first time this has happened either. So Josie cleaned it up, and had a talk with her mom. Looks like someone is wearing depends from this day out.

BIRTHDAY

March 4th will be this blogs 1st birthday! Almost been a year already! Wow...!

GREAT FUCKING DAY

Holy fuck I'm in a great mood! Having the past two days off and getting rest after a hell week really did the trick. Then tonight we had a gig for a bunch of the corporate heads and they had one hell of a spread set out for them. I got to eat my weight in shrimp tonight and I can hardly move! Just a ton of great food and tons of great comments all the way around. I put in a ten hour day with about three hours off in between sifts so I got to get off of my feet for a little bit. Today most certainly kicked ass, I wish you all could have been there with me to enjoy it!

FUCKING COCKS

I'm at work all day and wild shit happens. Isn't that always how it is anyway? Take a look at this about Bill O'Reilly. I can't fucking believe it! Are these people finally going to wise up about this? I try not to get too political here but holy shit, finally, and of all people it's Bill O'Reilly! Let's get this bastard out of office! I don't need another four years of this smug asshole claiming to be my leader and spouting shit about TERROR. He can't even pronounce the word nuclear correctly. Time to move on America!

AND YOUR POINT IS?

I've been stating THIS for years and years. The bible never states three wise men. It talks about the Magi, and they are from Persia. Any idea where Persia is and what these guys may have been into? And as for the mindless fucking Christians at work today spouting bullshit, well, FUCK YOU! Go ahead and condemn gays in the name of your worthless Christ. Go on living your life as mindless sheep. I have no respect for anything in your head, or your bullshit document that you cherish so much. You're all mindless sheep.

ARE YOU GOING TO BURN?

This is a funny test. Click on THE HELL TEST to see if your going to make it or not. I might still have a chance because I scored 133. I think you have to score at least 200 to go to hell. They didn't ask many questions about Jesus so I think I got off on some kind of technicality. It's going to be hard to fit in when in heaven so I'm sure I'm going regardless. At least there will be wild women and cool music!

TIGHTWAD

I was listening to one of the hardcore Christians talking a couple of nights ago on the way to a cater out function. He was talking about how frugal his family is. They don't buy stuff from the isles of grocery stores, they only shop on the perimeter of the store so they won't be "tempted" by the garbage inside the store. He won't allow his daughters to buy hairspray, because it's overpriced junk, so they have to take Elmer's Glue All and water it down and spray that on instead. They only order pizza from places like Little Ceasers or Peter Pipper because he doesn't believe in spending more than $6.00 for a pizza. This is a guy who believes that being stupid, non-questioning, and a domestic servant is the proper place for a woman in the home. This guy also spent like eight years with UP WITH PEOPLE. I guess it's UP WITH PEOPLE but DOWN WITH YOUR FAMILY! I on the other hand let my kids experience their own lives, make choices for themselves, eat Pizza Hut pizza and I preach abstinence is the best method, abstinence from the Church that is.

BEAT TO A PULP

I spent my life at work last week! I wasn't home to type on this lovely little journal at all, sorry. I had yesterday off but spent the majority of the day resting and sleeping. I put in just over 70 hours for last week and the tip pool was kick ass so I'm happy that I worked like a slave.

T&jAnet

I'm just totally shocked that we as Americans are so offended at this Janet Jackson tit incident. I've seen far worse on television, you've seen far worse on television so why the outcry and the outrage? It's a breast for gods sake! You can gun down sixty people on a prime time show, murder this or that person on prime time, you can have an affair with somebody's spouse on prime time and it's all good. Then comes along the most evil of all evils, the breast of a black woman exposed with a the nipple covered for less than a second and it's the end of civilization! The Antichrist must be alive and well this very day for this was a sign of the Apocalypse! No, it was a boob being flashed for a mere second. If you truly want to be offended turn on TBN for an hour and listen to those blatherskites ramble for about an hour. A boob flashing for an instant vs. my eternity in a burning nasty fiery pit of nastiness? I'll take tit's and ass please!

LONG AND WINDING ROAD

I don't even know where to start! So I guess I'll start with what is fresh in my mind. Dana Carvey was the entertainment a few nights ago. He was funny as hell. Go see him live if you ever get a chance, you'll laugh I guarantee it! I was standing close to some people wearing kippahs on their heads. I don't think they thought he was all that funny, and proceeded to act stuffy and offended. I'm glad I'm not involved with any religion that would ever cause one to become offended at the drop of a hat, or kippah in this instance. There is a lot I'd like to post about this week but won't because I don't want to offend anyone because I poke fun of stereotypes. The one thing I will say is that rich people from the east coast (no matter what ethnic background) are just plain lazy, clueless, and narcissistic. Anyway, I put in a 15 hour day that day. That has been my life this week, making a lot of money  but tired as hell. I've been called into work tonight which is my only day off and I have a 15 hour or longer shift tomorrow. I asked for Sunday and Monday off and I better get it or I'll be pissed!

BACK TO  NORMAL

I should be back to posting, and will be around to chat with all of you who usually send me IMs. I just wasn't home at all this week! I did sell that piece of shit car for $700 "as is" this week. A friend of mine insisted that I sell it to him even after I explained the condition of the car. So be it. Anyway, my life returns to normal after tomorrow.

TRAPPED!

I'm trapped in this endless cycle of going to work, going home, going to bed, and getting up to go to work again. I'll post tomorrow, I promise! I will say that I think I have a boyfriend! No shit! This guy has been so nice to me this week, and it's too bad I'm not a single gay guy because he's got bucks!!! Didn't say anything to anybody, not even Josie. Not that I'm afraid to but Josie is jealous as hell and the last thing I need people at work thinking is I have guys after me. He really is a nice guy, very weird that whole thing. Tomorrow, I promise! I'm just so tired it's hard to even type at this point...

12 HOUR DAY

Yep, I just finished a 12 hour day at work with no breaks and I'm beat. The people we have in house are the elite beautiful people you see in television shows. The only difference with these rich people is that they are stupid. Simple things elude these people. I'm talking simple every day tasks! I'm thinking having hired help to do their every day menial tasks hasn't helped them one bit. They are beautiful though, if not down right hot! Last night they had a comedian that was so bad that just about everyone got up and left. The little bit that I did comedy in the 80's I never had that happen to me. I had four people come up to me and tell me I should have been up on stage. I will agree with them only because she was so bad that there is no way I could be any worse. Dana Carvey is going to be their entertainment in a few days. I've seen him live at work once before and he is funny as hell. Anyway, I have to get up and work so I will type more tomorrow. I'm sorry this post was random but I've had a couple of drinks and I'm beat. Stay tuned!

EVIL ONES

Well the backlash started just as I knew it would. The evil ones even recruited meth addicts to join it, and that got squashed quickly. This guy was with them the next day and I was walking by, not saying anything. He says in a real smart ass like tone, "Don't harass me!" I turned around and told him to watch it. I was willing to let it die at that but they ran to the office and said I was starting things again. So later as my boss was asking me what was going on and why were people running to the office the guy who made the remark happens to walk by and was stopped. He was asked to explain his remark and he denied that he had made it. I told him he was lying. This is a guy who's been claiming to be a born again Christian a lot as of late. Anyway, after all was said and done I was told they knew he was lying and that this whole issue should be dead now and I have nothing to worry about. We will see

DREAMS

I dreamt that I was loosing my teeth last night and the roots were turning to black sludge. Not very nice. I also had a dream where a pimple on my chest was growing a huge tuft of hair out of it and I was trying to pull it out with pliers. Of course I had my shirt off and I was at work in front of clients when all of this was happening. All my dreams were on this level last night, just couldn't sleep well.

VH1 BANDS REUNITE

Just watched this show on VH1. Saw A Flock Of Seagulls play together for the first time in about twenty years. That was very cool. I'm going to have to go and buy their CDs now. Think they had two out under the original line up. They were records though back then. I'm tempted to buy a record player so that I can buy some old hard to find records and record them as mp3s.

SLAVERY

Today begins a long week. Today being second easiest, tomorrow third and Friday being my only day off. The rest is going to be spent living at work. It's going to be ugly with the hag factor in place but I'll survive. I will try to type here every day, and I'm sure this week will produce some lovely stories. Stay tuned and wish me luck.

WRECKING BALL

I'm tired, but just got home from work and can't sleep and it's just past midnight. What do you do in such a predicament? Well, you make a giant mug of iced tea and play a game of Wrecking Ball! How do you play you might ask? Well hold your fucking horses and I'll tell you. What you do is find a chat room on IRC, something like #bible or #lesbian_love. Next you go in and be quiet for a good long while and observe things, or if people start talking to you then just chime right in and chat back, but be polite and let them think your in there to chat with them about the chosen topic or theme of the channel. Next, you start to deviate slightly by saying loony things that just don't quite jive with the conversation. Here is a sample of what I'm doing right now in a channel called #Christian_chat:

Falchion: the #christian channel, why is it in that state?
chalcedny: what about it?
Shyven: Iowa?
chalcedny: it's an evangelism channel
chalcedny: non-christians are welcomed
Shyven: Oh evangelism, it makes great things good
Shyven: I like Robert Tilton, he is the epitome of evangelism
Falchion: the bot boots you after apparently idling for an hr
Falchion: no one talks, and generally no ops around for abusive people :/
Shyven: what if your Billy Idol
Shyven: that's a life time of being booted
Falchion: ...?
Shyven: or Eric Idle of Monty Python
Shyven: both constantly being booted in there
Shyven: an eternity of being booted....

That's kind of the gist of the whole thing. Hard to play and type this all at the same
time. I'm also chatting with friends so I'm multitasking.

MIRANDA

Miranda got an award for being Student of the quarter! This is the second time she has done this! She got it last year too. So she get's to pick where she wants to eat for dinner. Looks like we are going to the Olive Garden.

EVIL

Tomorrow is going to be backlash day at work. I went and told people what the wretched ones did. Everyone thinks that they over did it by claiming harassment. I just wanted to let people know that they are hypocrites. So people know, it will get back to the Gorgon , and it will try and bite back! Games on! Hold on to your panties!

ATTACK!

The evil ones at work tried to get me yesterday. Alas, they failed. It was all over a simple blunder of people not knowing where their assigned work section was, of course assigned by me. When they attacked me and tried to make me feel about three inches tall I stood my ground. I didn't mess anything up, they simply couldn't count tables and find their section, causing another group of people to work harder when they had to pick up their slack. After all was said and done they accused me of harassment simply because I wouldn't back down. So they want to play games, fine. It's on baby, it's on!

SLEEP

Got the sleep I needed but the stress from yesterday is giving me a headache. Life goes on. Next week is going to be murder, and with those wretched ones on my back it's going to be a challenge. I will try and post as much as possible but I am literally going to be a slave to work and not home a whole lot. I need the money anyway. I'm sure there will be tons to write about next week with all the added stress, it's going to get ugly. Hold on to your panties!

TIRED

Lack of sleep is catching up with me and I'm working a double today. I need sleep bad. Not a whole lot happened today that was worthy of writing about. Got back on IRC to chat with old friends and that has been a lot of fun. Going to get back into reading Tarot cards so that I can become real good at it. The card above is out of my deck. I'll write something more interesting later tonight when I get home. Sleep!

FUNNY SHIZZIT

I found these via other blogs so I will not take credit for finding them. Bush in 30 Seconds is a website with 30 second film shorts made up as painfully truthful advertisements about our dearest friend. They are funny, and yet they are not. You really want another 4 years of this shit? The second thing I will post is this Backstreet Boys spoof. Makes ya want to do the nasty thang!

AMERICA THE RETARDED

I accidentally left the television on earlier when I was watching the local news. I passed by the television again just a few minutes ago and a soap opera called "Passions" just happened to be on. I was compelled to stop and watch it for about two minutes due to the bad acting. I have to wonder to myself, have Americans become so dull witted and vacant that they find a need to supplement their every day existence with this tripe? The people in charge of this country really have been successful in lowering our standards of education. It's starting to show. This is why we as parents need to be just that, parents. Make sure your child is being educated and not just becoming bloated on the ideals our fast food hip-hop society. Read to your kids, get them some computer software that will help them succeed in their studies. Take away their play station or game console or even go so far as to unplug the television for a while. I'm afraid of our future as Americans. If you need to ask me why I say this then you are a   success story. Don't expect me to defend things like ebonics either. A liberal namby pamby approach to things will never solve or resolve a single thing in our country. Sorry for the rant. I'm not a genius but then again I'm  not so stupid and blind that I can't see what is going on. Wake the fuck up America!

Captain Kangaroo

Bob Keeshan known to many of us as Captain Kangaroo died today. I personally am sad about this seeing how important this show was to me as a kid. We will miss you Captain!

80'S MUSIC MASTURBATION

Was talking with a female coworker today about a wide variety of topics today. She brought up the point that she started masturbating when she was in 3rd grade! I was blown away. She also said she thinks most females are lying when they say that they never masturbate. We talked some more and then we started talking about music and about how it can bring back memories of things or places. I stated the fact that music does this to me a lot. I told her how every time I hear "Brass In Pocket" by The Pretenders I think of masturbation.  It just happened to be on the radio the first time I masturbated as a teenager, probably around 1980. Some guy was talking about jacking off one day after football practice in the locker room. I had thought jerking off was a stupid idea. Well, a few days later I was bored and in my bedroom and nobody else was home at the time so I decided I was going to see what all the hoopla was about. Boy, what a surprise that was! At the moment of climax, another huge surprise, the song on the radio just happened to be "Brass in Pocket." O-kay, enough of that.

THE REVEREND JOE

I'm ordained as a minister! Seriously! I applied at an online site and it's official. The place is called The Universal Life Church and it's even based out of Tucson of all places. I will be able to perform marriages and funerals. This will become handy as I will be able to do this legally for atheists or even people who are Left Handed such as I am. I am trying to get a certificate as a High Priest of The Left Hand Path. The Christians at work are going to love this!

MISTAKEN IDENTITY

A funny thing happened at work today when I walked in. As I walked by a table of my peers, a friend of mine says, "What's up Shop!" I was confused but kept on walking. I needed something to drink so I went and got an Iced Tea. Well, it was almost time for our pre-service meeting and everyone took off but I needed to kill my thirst so I stayed behind. Another friend walks in and says, "Yo, what's up Shop?" So I asked what was up with this shop thing. Big Red just smiled and said, "Whatever dude!" He takes off and I run to catch up with him. I say, "No, really, what is up with this shop thing?" He just started laughing and said to quit fucking with him. So obviously we were both confused at this point. So I forced him to tell me what the hell he was talking about. This is what happened, Big Red and Shambam were playing Half-Life online and someone going by the name of SHOP bopped into the room they were playing in and started a conversation. This person knew Big Red, his wife and kids and other personal stuff. I'm basically the only other person that plays this game with them that knows anything about them so they thought it was me. Well, it wasn't! I haven't even played this game in months, and neither had Big Red until today. So this person got personal with both he and Shambam and said some degrading things to them. They both thought I was fucking with them. It took everything in my might to get Sham to believe me, and he finally did. Anyway, it was very awkward situation. And don't get me wrong, I love a good mind fucking! But I wouldn't bring a persons kids and wife into something like this just for my own amusement. I really would love to know who it was.

WARREN MOON

The football player Warren Moon spoke tonight for the group in house. I didn't listen to any of the speech because I was busy doing mundane tasks and shooting the shit with the other guys. I did stand next to him for a bit and he smiled and said hi. I know nothing about sports so I didn't even try to start a conversation with him. I'll give him major props for being one of the first African-American quarterbacks. Oh, tangent time! Speaking of African-American, a friend of mine at work told me tonight that he had a child with a girl from Alabama who is African-American but is just now getting around to telling people about it. Has nothing to do with her, it's just the rumor mill at work and how they like to tear people apart. Cute kid! I told him he is now an official member of the race mixers club. I'll tell you something about us race mixers, we produce some of the coolest and best looking kids you will ever meet!

NEW COMMENT BOX

Sorry about the comment box not working. I was using BlogOut, or also known as ShoutOut. What a piece of shit! I know, it's free and I basically can't bitch about something that is free, but it's always in a state of ruin and it's just not reliable. So I changed the comment box to HaloScan. Anyway, leave me a comment even if just to say hi so I can tell it's working. I also added four new people to the blogroll. Frozen Ice Queen, Enigmatic Musings, Deep Thinks, and Cindyisms.

LAZY

It's 2:00 p.m. and I just drug my lazy ass out of bed! Everybody is sick here and I think my body is fighting it off. I just couldn't get up this morning, I would roll over look at the clock then just go back to sleep. Even at 1:15 p.m. I couldn't do it. I feel a bit off kilter. I don't need to be sick with a busy work week coming.

UPDATES AND THE PROCESS

Updated a few of the sigils on the right hand side of the page. They are all more authentic. A few people have asked about "The Process" and to those of you that have the answer is no, I do not belong to the movement of the late 60's that called themselves partially by that name. Did they have any connections with Charles Manson? I'm sure they knew of each other, and I'm sure Manson stole ideas from them, but other than that I'm sure they were smart enough to stay away from him. It was "The Family" that supported Manson at his trial, not the Church of the Final Judgement. I think it's kind of like saying the Beach Boys were a part of Manson's movement. Just because some loony decides he wants to hang out with you doesn't make him a part of your organization. Many like minded philosophies spring out of that movement, but seeing that I don't believe in Jehovah, Jesus, Satan, or Lucifer I doubt I would hardly qualify as a follower. They were into a lot of things I would never agree on. I identify more with the movement that sprung out out of the early 90's with people like G.P.O. of Psychic T.V. and Ogre of Skinny Puppy. The basic philosophy is that you control your life by the power of your own will, you shape and mold your process to fit yourself. That's the readers digest version anyway.

T&A
(TITS AND ASIANS)

Tonight was wild, crazy, sexy, funky, weird! I was working a party for a bunch of firemen and their guests that involved an amateur country and western band and three kegs of lite beer. Oh, the keg beer was hosted as was about fifteen bottles of wine. Everything on top of that was cash, and people proceeded to get properly fucked up. One of the guests was a lady wearing a very low cut blouse with no bra. Here is the catch, this lady had some of the pointiest little tits I've ever seen. Yes, that I have seen because one could see them plain as day. Her blouse didn't fit, it hung off of her neck and she didn't have the proper boobage to support such a blouse so all in all her little pointy bananas were there for all to see. And to be serious, this was almost as disturbing as the guy who had hair coming out of his ears a few nights ago. I'm not trying to be offensive or gross, this was my night. Anyway, there was an Asian fraternity party downstairs and Kathy gave me a heads up because she knows how much I love Asian girls. I went down to see what was going on and there were about 50 Asian girls hanging out in the foyer. The guys had kicked their dates out of the room while they performed some kind of secret fraternity ritual. I was in awe! There wasn't an ugly girl anywhere, no lie. And as far as secret ritual goes, well, secret ritual means sneaking in bottles of liqueur (properly disguised as presents) illegally and forcing younger frat members who are not of age to do shots until they vomit all over the room. They didn't advance to GO or even collect their $200 but they did land on chance, and chance would have it that they got their asses booted out of the resort four hours early.

YESTERDAY

I failed to mention yesterday that while at the burger joint I witnessed something slightly disturbing. There was a lady there who was so obese that she had to wedge herself into the booth between the table and the seat. She didn't fit. I could have had three people sitting on my lap and we would have all fit just fine. I'm not making fun of this morbidly obese lady. I'm not a skinny guy, I weigh more than I need to and the last place I need to be hanging out for lunch is at a fast food joint that sells bacon cheese burgers. The point I want to make is this, Who in the fuck do you think your kidding lady? You super sized your whole meal, added a few items and yet you chose a diet cola. Diet cola? Is a diet cola going to make any difference? No, go for the sugar! It tastes better and it's not as harmful as that chemical sweetener your ingesting. Also, at your weight I don't think any diet anything is going to make a difference. O.k. I know I'm babbling, I'll shut up now!