NEW LOOK UPDATED!

Tweaked the feel of this page just a tiny bit and added a third column to even things out. Also updated my favorite C.D.s page and added six more albums that I enjoy there. Just click on the favorite C.D.s button on the left side to access that page. What are some of your favorite albums? Comments damn it! Leave some!! Other than that I'm bored and broke as hell!

NOT MUCH TO REPORT

It's been a pretty dull day mostly spent in front of my computer reading. I did take Brandon to the park today  so he could ride his bike and play with other kids. While there a van full of day care kids showed up. One of them was an eight year old boy who was beyond effeminate. Someone had already cornered the market on the whole drama queen persona at a very early age. Brandon is staying at Christians house tonight so it's basically been two days without kids fighting seeing Miranda spent last night at Lakota's house. So basically I spent the day reading about everyone from Aleister Crowley and Anton Levey to Friedrich Nietzsche. So I learned that syphilis and drugs are bad, as is mental illness. I've also been listening to new wave music the entire day. I had to transfer a whole disk of 80's MP3s to a new disk because the first was spinning poorly in the CD ROM making it sound like it was either about to orgasm or take a dump. Everything is fine now.

WHO IS JESUS?

Brandon earlier in the day made a comment about Jesus. I asked him if he knew who Jesus was. He said, "Yeah, he's that weird guy a lot of people believe in." I asked him if he believed in him. "Nah, he's too weird." Hey, don't blame me for his impression of Jesus, I don't even talk about him in this house unless someone else brings it up! I would have to agree though. Who else would impregnate his own unwed virgin mother in her teens in order to be born as a god who is also a man, and then have himself be put to death so that he could ultimately spare people from his own wrath? You don't even want to know Miranda's impressions of that religion.

TUNES THAT KICKED MY ASS TODAY

Genisis - Mama
Cameo - Word Up
Cabaret Voltaire - I Want You
Altered Images - Happy Birthday
Don Henley - Dirty Laundry
Bronski Beat - Small-town Boy
J Geils Band - Love Stinks

UPDATED!!! 6:00 P.M.

I updated the bottom portion of todays blog simply because I have the tenancy to ramble and leave things out. Sometimes I don't finish sentences even though I'm thinking it in my head so I added a sentence here and a word there.

OH MY GOD!

The Suburbs "In Combo" is out on C.D. and I'm just about ready to shit myself! Do you know how many time I've looked for this on the internet, in record stores, and in second rate whore houses? You simply have no idea. I can't believe they finally released this on C.D. after all these years! This little gem came out in 1980 but I didn't hear of it until 1985. This is probably my favorite new wave band of all time! O-kay, maybe Gary Numan is too, and DEVO, but The Suburbs really didn't get much recognition outside of Minneapolis. CLICK HERE! to hear some clips off of the songs from the album. Tiny People, Goggles On, Cows, Black Leather Stick, Cig Machine, DD 69, Chemistry Set, Underwater Lovers, man talk about a great album full of quirky post punk! I'm too broke to buy it just yet, but I guarantee your sweet little ass I'll have this bad boy in less than a month! Yes, I'm pretty easily excited.

NEW BLOG ADDED

I added a new blog to my blog roll. It's called "The Street Satanist." Before you have a knee-jerk reaction (or leave an idiotic piece of tripe in my comments section) you should read up on what Satanism really is, or even better just don't go there if your offended by such material. Being of the Left Hand Path I'm technically about as close to being a Satanist as one can get. I've gone over why I'm not a Satanist on this blog before and if you want to know why I'm no just ask me. I want a wide variety of blogs on my blogroll and I have Atheists, Christians, Buddhists, and now Satanists. If you know nothing about Satanism other than what you've been taught by your local church or seen on talk shows then educate yourself. If you need help educating yourself don't be afraid to ask me questions. Remember, I don't believe in god nor do I believe in Satan, and don't believe in Zimmerman or even Bob Dylan (joke), and believing in a dead hippy (John Lennon, not Jesus) is simply silly.

HAGS

I'm so tired of being assaulted by bitter old hags at work. One snapped at me tonight but for no reason. I'm letting the office handle these old hags from now on, I'm finished with them. Being nice has gotten me nowhere! Fuck you, fucking bitter old fucks!!!

MUSIC FROM THE ELDER

I'm listening to KISS "Music From The Elder" right now. Most of the critics though it was shit, as did I when it first came out. I was totally Mr. Metal Head at the time and though it was sappy. My opinion now is that it's one of the best records they ever did. I'm still Mr. Metal Head but minus the raging hormones. Anyway, KISS rocks no matter what.

OTHER COOL TUNES TODAY

Emerson, Lake, & Palmer - Lucky Man
Donna Summer - I Feel Love
10CC - I'm Not In Love
Gary Wright - My Love Is Alive
Led Zeppilin - No Quarter
Head East - Never Been Any Reason
Pink Floyd - Time
Rush - Cygnus X1
Spooky Tooth - The Mirror
Steve Miller - Fly Like An Eaagle
Styx - Put Me On
Yes - I've Seen All Good People
Todd Rundgren's Utopia Freak Parade
Frank Zappa - A Token Of My Extreme

MORE MEXICAN PLEASE!

Three days of eating Mexican food can be both good an bad. I love Mexican food! On the other hand I have become this foul smelling individual that nobody wants to be around all of a sudden. Josie's mom finds it all very amusing though. She has learned of the power that I wield and how I can send people running. I never pushed for Mexican food three days in a row though, it's not my fault!!! I'm making fried chicken, mashed potatoes with home made gravy, and some kind of vegetable tonight for dinner. Very non-threatening colonically speaking.

THE DAY AFTER

Yesterday was a tad busy so today I got to put together bikes, shelves, and other assorted Christmas gifts. I said "FUCK!" at least 100 times today. Between smacking my fingers with a hammer, a wrench letting loose off of a nut and my hand slipping into sharp metal, and things generally not fitting or being poorly explained by manuals, I would have to say I faired pretty well seeing that I didn't have a mental breakdown. Did I mention the fact that kids were fighting and so forth during all of this? And Miranda, princess of the house, is being a little bitch. Brandon was nice enough to spend his own money and bought her some nice Lisa Frank stuff for Christmas and she basically told him she didn't want it. He took it back and it hurt his feelings. Brandon decided that if she didn't want it he was going to make good use of it. Well, Miranda wasn't expecting that so all of a sudden she wanted it and Brandon told her no. She started in with major attitude and I sent her to her room.  She really disappointed me today. Brandon on the other hand, who is always spastic and trying to send me over the edge impressed me when he took the present back then stood his ground when she demanded it back. I hope she learns a lesson about giving. Now Josie needs to learn a lesson about giving! Sorry...

WORK

One day of work this week. One day of work next week. How in the fuck can one pay bills this way? I'll be bitching in no time though about how busy it is so forgive my cranky ass.

MOVIES

Watched Jeepers Creepers II last night at Lina and José's place right after we ate more Mexican food. It was much better than I though it would be, both the food and the movie. I must say though Victor Salva's penchant for young boys really shows through in this movie. I can see one or two guys running around with no shirt on, but a whole busload of teenage boys? It was left wide open for a third installment, surprise! In the next movie I want a hotel full of hot Asian chicks to be taunted for two hours. Now that would be rad! On the other hand we had to watch The Hulk on DVD because Brandon got it for Christmas and demanded that we all watch it together. It was a bad movie when I took him to the theater to see it, and it was even worse yesterday sitting at home watching it. I liked Spiderman, but I told Brandon I wasn't watching The Hulk ever again.

A NEW LOOK!

Yes, I went ahead and did it, I gave the page a make over. I think it gives the page a cleaner look and yet remains virtually the same. I had a bitch of a time figuring out how to manipulate css to make it all work. Well, many hours later it's done. With a few tweaks here and there all will be fine. Let me know how you fill about the new look. DO IT! Don't be shy!!!

LOOK WHAT I FOUND

CLICK TO SEE CHRISTMAS CARD

I forgot about this, but this is the Christmas card I sent via e-mail last year. Have a sense of humor about it, not many people who received it did.

FARTS

I have to share this even though it happened about four days ago. A small group of us were working the other night in a pairing of smaller meeting rooms. Three of us working one room and three others in the other. The rooms are connected by a pantry. While in the pantry talking to a co-worker one of the older lady co-workers passed by, goes to open the door to the room she is working in and then pauses. Out came this huge butt ripping fart! She subtly turns around and says, "Oooh, excuse me." I was shocked and said, "Yeah I guess so!!!" I've heard tails (pun) of this happening with her butt (pun) this is the first time I've been exposed to this. I was in shock as were the others sitting there. I'm glad I wasn't drinking mild because it would have shot straight out of my mouth!

EXPERIMENTAL MAYHEM

I've spent about the last 24 hours or so researching electronic music pioneers from the 1940's through the 1960's and came up finding some really cool clips on the internet. Here is just a few of the people I have been reading about all day: Karlheinz Stockhausen, Robert Moog, Raymond Scott, Leon Theremin, John Cage, Pierre Schaeffer, Pierre Henry, Bebe & Louis Barron just to name a few. I found some clips HERE if you want to get a taste of very early experimental music. Listen to them all, even if it drives you a bit batty, it really is beautiful. I can see where groups like Nurse With Wound and Skinny Puppy get some of their influence. Symphonie pour un homme seul is a must listen! Anyway, I've learned a lot of history and it blows my mind that these people were so creative and yet our culture thrives on the vapid tripe thrown at them by the recording industry giants. I know why I'm drawn to more experimental stuff, because it's imaginative and otherworldly. Doubt me? Then go fucking jack off to Coldplay! Trust me? Then go find some Stockhausen, Kraftwerk, The Residents, Ramond Scott (yes, you've listened to him a million times and don't even realize it), or John Cage. It's not all electronic, some of it is piano or tape loops. Oh, and if your looking for some modern experimental stuff then get your hands on Dead Voices On Air, Not Breathing, or even that first Daft Punk album. I thank Señor Jesus de Queso every day for groups like We™, Squarepusher, Apex Twin, Autechre, Download, and Howie B.

COOL TUNES DE JOUR

Spooky Tooth - The Mirror
Hyperdriver - Wasted Prayers
Robert Fripp - 1988
Kraftwerk - Radio Activity
Shizuo - Punks
Laziest Men On Mars - Invasion Of The Gabber Robots
The Residents - Bach Is Dead

TUCSON CHRISTMAS TRAFFIC

Traffic was just off the wall crazy today! Everyone is out trying to buy last minute stuff and it's fucking ugly as hell. I'm not leaving the house until after Christmas! The worst traffic moment today was the lady parked in the middle of Broadway heading east about 500 yards away from the Broadway and Kolb intersection. She was just sitting there casually talking away on her cell phone while traffic was backed up by a good 26 cars or more in the right hand lane. I thought she was having car problems at first but I think she was just to busy talking and didn't want to be bothered. She caught up with us before the light and was speeding like a demon, still on her phone! People are fucking crazy.

ONE VOTE WINS!

O-kay only one person said anything about the layout so I guess I will keep it the same. I was toying around with the lay out because I was bored. Thanks Keith!

SURGERY

My mom had her back operated on today but I am not sure how it went. Will have to call her tomorrow and see. Hope everything is fine with her, wish her well!!!

BURWELL NEBRASKA AND BARTENDING

I added some pictures to the PhotoBlog today of the movie theater I hung out in just about every Saturday night from age 10 till I was 18 years old. Also added an aerial photo of the elementary school I attended. I have dreams about both of those places quite frequently. Speaking of dreams, last night I dreamt that I was applying for work at Ventana Canyon and they were going to hire me as a bar tender. It was a pretty long dream that went nowhere. I was excited to be working there again though.

A NEW LOOK?

Thinking about changing the look to this page? Click above and leave a comment below and let me know if you like the current layout or if I should change it.

The link to this no longer remains, the format did change on this page

ONE OF THOSE DAYS

I'm coming down with something, feels a bit like a cold. I guess I'm due for some kind of illness. I knew I was coming down with something yesterday but Josie tried to convince me I was hung over. Wrong! I know hung over, trust me. Even though I rarely drink anything anymore I will never forget the many times I felt like my head was going to slide off of my neck and my innards were going to bubble up through my throat. So I would still put money on a cold seeing this is day two of the blahs.

HE SAID SHE SAID...

I guess people are already spreading rumors and misquoting me from the other night at the employee holiday party where I won 1st place in the karaoke contest. What I said was, "Are you ready to Rock' n Roll?" Not, "Are you ready to party?" Who gives a fuck about how many drinks I had, I'm a lightweight and it takes virtually nothing to get me drunk. If I had eight beers in two hours I would be so gone that I wouldn't be able to walk! Also, who fucking won that contest? I did! Why? Because people were board stiff and I got them to participate when it was my turn, I didn't just stare blankly at that little t.v. set where they lyrics were being regurgitated up like everyone else did. I took a lifeless party up about two notches and got things going and was having a blast doing it. That does not make one drunk in my opinion.

WHAT NOT TO DO

Yes, it was my wedding anniversary two nights ago and I had to work. I went and sang for my peers instead of going home to watch t.v. with my wife who is comatose after 8:00 p.m. every night of the week. I got in trouble for this and I take full responsibility for this, I should have known better but in my defense I will say this, and have said this (how many times did I just say "this"?) to my wife. Josie falls asleep on the sofa every evening around 8:00 p.m. watching television no matter what day it is. I could be the horniest guy in the world, and who's to say I'm not, and I couldn't budge her from her death like state. What good would have it done for me to come home and watch her sleep for a few minutes then head in here so that I could be with my beloved computer? I rest my case. I've promised something nice for next year, and I know what it is already. I will tell you this though, no matter what it is it will not be good enough for her. That has always been the case on birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, you name it. I gave up trying years ago so I do not feel one bit guilty about two nights ago. I had a blast!

I FUCKING ROCK!

Sure, I worked a double shift today. Sure, it was my wedding anniversary and I got off of work early. Yeah, it was the employee holiday party tonight with a d.j. and lots of food and a karaoke contest to boot. What did I do? Dennis came down to the function I was working and said, "Dude, are you still working? You have to get upstairs and sign up for that karaoke contest, they only have two spots left open and you have about five minutes till they close the contest for entries." So I was off of work and headed home, but the whole idea of going upstairs and singing a song in front of over 200 people was just too inviting so I ran upstairs and got second to last spot for the contest. I'm not going to say everybody was lame because that isn't true. But what everyone was doing was staring at the little t.v. screen and singing to the t.v. and not the audience. It was my turn and I had a beer in hand, held it high and said, "Are you ready to rock and roll???" Every body cheered, then Paranoid by Black Sabbath kicked in and the room fucking went wild! I worked the crowed and even had people dancing on the dance floor. One more person sang after me then they called everyone up. They eliminated almost everybody. It was down to three people, two girls and me. They asked the crowd if they liked the first girl? Cheers. They asked if they liked the second girl. Room went wild!! I'm beat, I just knew it. They started chanting her name, Sarah... SarAH... SARAH!!! And then they announced me and the crowed turned on that dirty bitch Sarah and it turned into, JOE... JOE... JOE.... JOE!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, I won! And what is so great about all of this? The fact that the General Manager and the Assistant General Manager of the resort were in the room chanting my name and holding up drinks. This is far superior to the time I got employee of the month two years ago out of a possible 500 other employees. That is only 12 people out of 500 for the whole year. No one chanted my name then, I only got a hand shake and lunch for two at the resort bistro. I fucking rocked the mic tonight, don't forget that motherfuckers!!!!

GIVING THE FRENCH HEAD

We all know Saddam has been caught so I  don't need to go over the details but I though I would include this picture I found over at the Jeff Rense page. I have nothing to do with this page or the views expressed there so take it for what it is. What are my views on this situation? I'm glad they caught him and I'm sure the world is a better place without this dick head being in charge of my local Denny's franchise let alone an entire country, but even if he does have any important information of any type they are only going to be able to drag it out of him with torture. I don't believe things are going to be any better over there because they found him. It makes Bush look better in the long run but I'm not a dick sucking republican so this is only going to further fuck us all in the long run. I wouldn't vote for this guy even if your were threatening to shove a watermelon up my ass. I'm glad I'm an independent and have the common sense to realize there are more than just republicans and democrats floating around this morbid little stage that we call reality. Who do I endorse at the moment? I really couldn't make a choice at the moment. I wish Jello Biafra was running for president. Jello was the lead singer for The Dead Kennedys and currently does mostly spoken word albums and some punk music. You can listen to free clips of his albums at Alternative Tentacles Records and you can also use a great resource knows as the All Music Guide to find out more about him, The Dead Kennedys, or any of your favorite bands. But as far as this whole war on Iraq goes, I'm dead set against it. I honestly don't think they are achieving anything good in the interest of the U.S but only fattening the pockets of those who already have fat mattresses. My nephew may be being sent there soon but that is what you get for joining the military. I'll quit ranting now and quietly walk on down the hall...

MEAT

Kudos to John and Lisa at work this weekend!!! They saved the life of a woman who was choking to death on a piece of meat. Lisa applied the Heimlich maneuver but to no avail. The lady soon passed out and both John and Lisa carried her out to the foyer and John was then able to dig the piece of meat from her throat and clear a breathing passage. The lady resumed breathing, threw up, and was then fine. She declined medical attention when the paramedics got there, finished her dinner, and went on to dance and have a great time. True heroes in my book!

VERY KERI AND GOD

Boy, how does one describe the very lovely Very Keri? Vivacious, pretty, loony, vegetarian, activist, loony, flippant, spiritual, new-age, did I mention loony? I used to love Keri a whole bunch, but she just kind of floats off the deep end of non-reality far too often for the likes of me. Keri quit working with us about two years ago and has only been joining us on extremely huge functions like the one on Saturday night. So I had not seen hide nor hair of her in a years length. My first impression of her this year was that she was just gone, checked out, left the building, what ever. She went on and on about how she lived in Keri's psychedelic world and how happy she was all of the time. This went on for about 20 minutes, well longer actually because I was finally able to get away and I know she didn't shut up when I left. She made a fool out of herself at roll call and then started in on her spiritual views. She was talking about her views on Jesus, how she was a Jew, a Muslim, a Christian, a Buddhist, from another planet (she also told someone else that I too was from another planet, thanks Keri!) and all of this offended one of the part time guys named Mark and he threatened to take her to human resources if she didn't stop. I don't think he realized that she doesn't work for the resort but had only volunteered to work with us for the evening. She went on and on. Someone suggested that she was high as a kite. Yes, I would have to agree with this, she had to be higher than a mother fucker! She cried, she vented, she went off on the banquet captains and the manager and they had her escorted off property by security. She called my boss the devil at one point, and called the guy she offended Mr. Sideburns guy. I'm going to have to talk to Mr. Sideburns guy to see where he stands on religion because seeing that I'm an atheist I have the tenancy to jump in on nonsensical religious banter if only to mock it. Example? Well, Sunday someone was asking about my water heater going out and I went on to explain about how a lot of things have given out as of late. One of the Christian guys who I like very much said something very stupid. He said, "What kind of message do you thing god is sending you?" I said, "Well, seeing that god does not exist I would say he's sending no message, but if he did and he was responsible for all of this I would have to say god is a real asshole!" Not even a rebuttal of any sort.

DAY 3 OF 3 AND BEYOND

Crispy fried Jesus am I glad to be home doing nothing! Well, that is a lie seeing I'm in front of a computer typing away and listening to Joe's Garage Acts I, II, and III by Frank Zappa, but it's bliss all the same. Day 2 of 3 of living at work was hell, but day 3 of 3 was worse than I could have imagined it. The other night I had finished typing my blog entry and headed to bed so that I could get a measly four hours of sleep before work started all over again. On my way to bed I had the misfortune of stepping in a puddle of warm water that I mistook as dog piss. Well, it wasn't piss, it was water from my water heater saturating the carpet. Yes, the damn thing had given up and died while making one hell of a mess in the process. I woke Josie up and started cleaning up the water. She was going to work with us on Sunday but someone needed to stay home and get things straightened out. I couldn't because it was the busiest day of the year and I would have been crucified and disowned by everyone at work. Josie elected to stay home because she didn't really want to work with us anyway and someone needed to stay home and get that damn thing replaced. Well, she impressed the hell out of me! She had that damn thing bought and installed before 10:00 a.m. that same day! Total cost? Well, it cost just under $300 for the water heater and free installation courtesy of my neighbor Jerry and my brother-in-law Luis. Do I have $300 to spend on a water heater? Fuck no!!! Anyway, back to work. It was the huge yearly Christmas brunch for the Jim Click (local car dealer) employees. The laundry department forgot to wash the white linens to be used on this particular event. After substituting Christmas colors in place of the white that had been ordered by the client, setting most of the room with red and green, the client showed up and demanded the white that had been ordered. This friends set the pace for the rest of the day. People didn't show up for work, many showed up late, some showed up even later than that, and it was a mad dash to the finish line. The only prize I won in this fabulous endeavor was that I got to carve meat all day instead of the person who was assigned to do so. That is what you get for being four hours late for work. Why is this such a treat? It's a great little job because you get to talk to the client all day and escape the doldrums of everyday banquet serving. The function was a success but I was scheduled for another function at the country club after that. We were promised we wouldn't have to do extra duties by the manager of the country club earlier in the day. That means moving tables and huge stacks of chairs. We were lied to. After 13 hours of work we then had to move tables and chairs around. Well, we brought this to the attention of senior management at the resort and they are going to take corrective action against said manager for making us do this shit after we all just put in three days of double shifts. You see, the country club associates didn't partake in any of the mayhem that weekend, knew that we all had just worked like mad dogs for three days, and chose to not help any of us and then proceeded to go home early, manager included. After work Will and I went out for a couple of beers. After two beers I was about to pass out and headed home. I took a shower and Josie said I passed out in a matter of seconds after hitting the bed. I woke up this afternoon at 12:30 p.m. and went to a meeting with our managers and senior management. It was a two hour bitch-fest for the most part. I pissed some people (fellow associates)off at the meeting but fuck them, bitter fuckers. I'll type more tomorrow about day two of three and little "very" Keri and her journey into insanity that got her escorted off of property two nights ago.

DAY 2 OF 3

Holy fuck! I'm beat to a fucking pulp and you want to talk about drama! I'll write more later, I have to be back to work in five hours, I need sleep and tomorrow is going to be hell. Yesterday was not so bad, today was hell, I can't even imagine what the hell tomorrow holds. Oh, and you, yes you! People at work are pissed off at you buddy! You pulled some pretty fast shit by calling in like you did today and people are not happy about it. Plus, you missed a coworker getting escorted off of property tonight for being a babbling psychotic mess. Drugs and work don't mix. I need to get sleep now. Fucking A, I don't want to work tomorrow!!!!

DAY 1 OF 3

Today is busy day 1 out of 3. I went into work at 4:45 a.m. today and did a breakfast for about 12 people. After that I gathered things for the event happening tonight. I was lucky enough to get home at 11:00a.m. and took a nap. It's now 2:19p.m. and I have to get back to work. Can you feel the excitement! I'm so excited I can hardly keep from pissing myself. I'll type more tonight if something actually happens. This is going to be a long weekend.

LUCKY WISHBONE

Had Lucky Wishbone chicken last night. Damn, I loves me some Lucky Wishbone chicken! Chicken, garlic toast, french fries, and jalapeno peppers, talk about orgasmic! If you don't live in Tucson and have never had it, your missing out. If you live in Tucson and don't like it, your missing out. No Viki, I'm not trying to make you home sick,   I promise! I know you have all heard me rant about Lucky Wishbone before, and it won't be the last!

VASELINE AND SMOKING POT

Here is the story I promised about a week ago. It was late July or early August 1985 during monsoon season and I had only smoked pot once before but I was pretty drunk when I had done it. I was at my future home Corona Ranch visiting my friend Mark. Mark suggested that we get high so I said sure. Mark proceeded to roll three extremely fat joints. I didn't know anything about dope smoking at that point so little did I know that Mark only smoked premium marijuana and rolled fat joints. We smoke all three! Mark put on Electric Ladyland by Jimi Hendrix and started talking. I was pretty stoned and was trying to focus. I started feeling sick and thought I was going to pass out. It was only pot induced apnea, which is a temporary absence or cessation of breathing. So I took a deep breath and felt much better! Then Mark says, "Oh, you have got to see this!" He goes to a closet and takes out a box that is 2' long by 1' wide and about 1' deep. Inside this little gem was a crusty old rag, a stack of the nastiest porn magazines you have ever seen, and a large jar of Vaseline with a big four fingered scoop mark taken out of it. He says, "This.......... is Steve's." Steve was his roommate who I also knew from work. Archetypes for Steve are Norton on The Honeymooners, the character John Candy played in Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, and looked a bit like Ron Jeremy the porn star who is pictured here:



I was flabbergasted because not only was I stoned out of my mind, but the porn magazines were the type that come in a brown paper bag and costs around $50 or so. The one image that sticks in my mind to this very day is this ghastly pail looking 50 year old crack whore being sodomized by this huge black guy with a 12" cock. It was more than I could handle so I made Mark put it away. I was having trouble controlling the muscles in my legs and they kept knocking together. It started to rain outside because it was monsoon season and around 3:00 in the afternoon. Almost as soon as it started to rain the song Rainy Day Dream Away came on. Jimi starts talking and says this:


Hey man,
take a look out the window 'n' see what's happenin'
Hey man, it's rainin'
It's rainin' outside man
Aw, don't worry 'bout that
Everything's gonna be everything
We'll get into somethin' real nice you know
Sit back and groove on a rainy day
Yeah (tokes up) Ump...
Yeah I see what you mean brother, lay back and groove.

Jimi had come back to life and was talking to me. How did he know it was raining? Yes, it was going to be groovy wasn't it! Man, that was one of the most spiritual moments of my entire life. I was still a Christian back then too, so the Christians can save their mockery, I'm being totally honest about this. The whole atmosphere of being here:



in the foothills near the Santa Catalina Mountains during the monsoon with Hendrix playing in the background was just otherworldly. The old adobe wall behind the bride in the picture is all of what is left of where Mark and Steve lived, I would have been sitting just beyond that door. After Electric Ladyland was over Mark put on GESANG DER JÜNGLINGE (song of the youths) and KONTAKTE  (contacts) by Karlheinz Stockhausen. Mind fuck. The whole experience was just beyond wild. A couple of hours later I needed to get going and Mark had things to do so I got in my car. It was an automatic and I put it in 2nd gear instead of drive and drove for about six miles like that. Duh.... I haven't seen Mark in years. He inherited close to a million dollars. I know he blew through the first half of that in three years and I hope he was smarter with the second half of his money.

LOCKDOWN

When I got home yesterday my mother-in-law tells me I need to call Josie right away, the kids are not being let out of school. Wow, this is about and hour after they should have already been let out! I call Josie on her cell and she tells me that a bank got knocked over and the suspects are in the neighborhood of the School so it was being locked down for the kids safety, Josie was stuck as well being on campus. So Miranda was stuck inside for an hour and Brandon for almost two. Neither of them were scared so that is a good thing. Both bank robbers were caught.

IMPRISONED

Yes, I basically spent the last four days at work. Not much you can do when your scheduled for double shifts so many days in a row and really need the money. Very few moments to report over the past few days. Worked a brunch on Sunday for a bunch of old people. I saw the worse application of makeup by a human being ever. This lady must have been eighty something and had pale white makeup with bright red streaks across her cheeks. It was very clown like, almost a cruel joke upon herself. He husband was almost dead and started demanding cocktails! We were about 100 yards away from any bar and we just didn't have the capacity to run drinks all day. Other than that, I've basically been going through the paces of working, coming home and sleeping, taking a shower and starting the whole process over again. A blast, it was simply four days of working for the  man.

O.C.D.

I don't think I have obsessive compulsive disorders of any type but yesterday I think I did something bordering on compulsive. I took my computer keyboard apart, every key and washed them, and washed the board itself where the keys rest. Talk about vile! It's truly disgusting what can work it's way between the keys of your computer keyboard in three to four years. Lot's of hair, dust, and crumbs of all sorts. Why did I do all of this? Well, seeing that it was getting hard to type without some keys sticking, and being a bit poor at the moment and not wanting to spend $14 on a generic keyboard, I decided that it would be worth trying to clean this and make it work better. Well, it does so I'll take it as an extra $14 I can keep in my pocket for now. Took almost two hours by the way.

TERMINAL BITCHINESS

Is it just my perception or are most older people just laden with bitchiness? Take for example the old lady at the doctors office this morning. The office ladies were scanning insurance cards because they have a new system that allows them to do it so that they have a digital document of it, and at the same time they were verifying peoples addresses. They asked this old hag if she was still at such and such address and she says in a wicked evil witch like tone, "What do you think, I've only lived there for the past six years!" I was so tempted to tell her to calm down but the whole waiting room was filled with senior citizens, or is the politically correct term "Old Americans?" Anyhow, I didn't need to start a riot and get my self caned to death for telling some old hag to calm the fuck down. Oh, I was down a pound from six months ago, so that means I gained weight this past six months, then lost it all plus a pound. I need to lay off the carbs and start eating better, that's a given. I also need to dust off the bike and get my heart going a bit. I need to lose about fifty pounds to be totally skinny, and I do mean skinny. Thirty pounds to be where I was before I got married and all sloppy. We shall see.

MONEY

Work will be busier that expected next week, which is a good thing! I'm so fucking broke it's not funny. Why? Because everything decided to break down all at the same time these past two months, fixed up a room for the mother-in-law, and I held Thanksgiving at my house, and bought too much Christmas related materials for my kids. I hate Christmas because society expects you to spend copious amounts of money on your kids. If you don't then your either a bad parent or a scrooge, or low income. Funny thing is that I'm none of these things. I'm not a Christian either, so I should be void of even giving a fuck about this whole holiday. The funniest difference between my kids and I is that I had to wait for Christmas to get cool stuff, and new clothes. My kids get cool shit and clothes all year long! The matrix has me by the balls, where the fuck is Morpheus?

SEBADOH

Thanks to DATA JOCKY for turning me on to some totally cool music I missed out on in the late 80's. I know absolutely nothing about this band but I dig the album I'm listening to right now. Thanks man, your the coolest!!!

BROKE

How broke? I have only overdrawn on my account once and that was back in 1985. Well, then and now. That's twice. Seeing how dead it's been at work and all the money I've pumped into this house, add in Thanksgiving and another mouth to feed and yes, I did it! I overlooked one bill and sent myself over the edge by $50, tack on another $25 for going over and there you have it! Let's not forget the few Christmas gifts I bought and buying Louie and Martin some beer. I'm a bona fide dumb ass. I'm blaming this one on Satan just because I'm stupid enough to do it.

PENIS

The word of the week is penis. I just can't get away from penis this week no matter how I try. It shows up in my e-mail, funny video clips I've seen on the web, television, news articles, my coffee, just everywhere. I literally had to beat mine into submission for not behaving properly earlier in the week. Penis, can't live with it, can't shove it in a co-workers face. Hmmmm....

QUEER-EYED

Anyone watch Queer-Eyed tonight? They were making over one of the male hosts of IMX that is on the music channel FUSE. Fuse is a million times better than MTV could ever hope to be, wake up MTV! Towards the end of the show they were showing him on on IMX showing off his new look. There was the lovely Juliya Chernetsky looking as beautiful as ever. Juliya is the hostess of Uranium and on IMX as well. She rocks, and I'm totally in lust with her. The guys on Queer-Eyed didn't care for her much. She still rocks!

NEW NEW NEW

I have to pay to keep the old comment box so fuck it! Here is a the old one I had, it's called SHOUT OUT. This is probably temporary.

I left out a part of the dream in the last post. There was a little dream where a guy was singing a song about corn flakes. My mind must be gone.

HO HO EH DER...... HO

All the retardation that Christmas brings is upon us! Not just a little bit, but a lot bit. The snowbirds have arrived in Tucson, traffic is insane even just to pick up the kids from school, and people are being crushed while shopping! Yes, did you read about this? Ah, nothing beats a $29 DVD player! I hate Christmas, I really do. It's nothing but commercialism glorified a million times over. I dig Halloween, but Christmas sucks. Sure, we still do the whole fake tree and lights and all of that for the kids, but I'd rather bypass the whole season. Bah humbug!

THE GREEN MILE

A friend just lent me this movie and I've watched it twice now. I really enjoyed it! After seeing a slew of horrible movies as of late it was good to see something of merit. Now I have to read the book! I quit reading Stephen King after MISERY came out, so there are a lot of his books I need to get and read. I kind of achieved that Stephen King burn out syndrome where you've just read so many of his books that it all starts to seem the same. So I have The Green Mile on deck, Insomnia is in the wings as well. What's your favorite horror novel? I'm curious, may be something I've missed and need to read. My personal favorite horror reads were The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty, The Stand by Stephen King, and Different Seasons by Stephen King. Three out of the four short stories in that book were made into movies. It's funny because I went to go see the movie Stand By Me without knowing anything about it when it came out. A friend stopped by on his way to the movies and asked if I wanted to tag along. So I hadn't heard anything about this movie, had never heard about it and yet as the movie progressed I had a sickening felling of deja vu that was freaking me out something fierce. It wasn't until the scene where the boy is telling a story about the pie eating contest that it dawned on me that it was a movie about The Body by Steven King. I think I got the same feeling the first time I watched Deep Throat.

DREAM

I felt real tired after cooking dinner this evening so I went to bed at six and woke up two hours later. I had a dream about my grandmother who just passed away. I was still living at Corona Ranch and my grandmother was coming to live with me. Grandad was still alive too and he said, "Hi, remember me?" It was very weird. Some of the best moments of my life were spent during the six years I lived at Corona ranch before it was turned into a bed and breakfast. My daughter was made there, my first sexual experience (with another person) was there. First time I smoked pot or dropped acid was there. I wish I could move back, and if I ever win the lottery I'm going to buy it! Remind me to tell you some stories about Steve sometime. There is a story about a box of nasty porno magazines, a crusty rag, and a large jar of Vaseline that had a huge scoop taken out of it with four fingers that goes along with my first visit to Corona Ranch where I was getting high for the first time. I'll write about it tomorrow, stay tuned!!! Oh, and go visit the web site that I linked to and check out the pictures. Truly a cool place!

THE CAT IN THE HAT

Just got back from seeing the movie. The kids liked it, and it had it's moments but I wasn't impressed. The one thing that made the movie over the top funny was the retarded kid sitting down front. His insanely diabolical yet retarded laugh was straight out of a loony toon laugh track. Everybody would stop laughing but that laugh would just keep on going, and at first I though it was part of the movie. Anyway, I just about wet myself I was laughing so hard. Not at the movie, but at the insane laughter. You had to be there.

DOG DAY AFTERNOON

The dogs ran away again. The garage door keeps opening somehow and they are taking off when it does. We were lucky that Cocoa came to the front door and that is how we knew they had made a break for it. Nala and Nicky didn't go any farther than the back ally, but Mr. Pepperton violated his parole and ran off. I got in the car and started searching but didn't see him. Josie found him a block away sniffing and peeing away. So to fix the problem I unhooked the motor to the garage door so that it will not open automatically.

EVIL

(Yesterdays post one day late)

I'm frightened, and I'm not fibbing! Cleaning day, which as you know happens every other weekend, is today. That is where Josie and her sister Merlin deep clean our house like some people only clean once or twice a year. Josie's attitude is just crazy on cleaning day. Yes, that is bad enough, but combine that with PMS and you have something just short of psychotic! I'm not shitting you!! I literally stayed in bed until it was time to clean the bedroom just to avoid any confrontation, which happened anyway. Brandon knows the value of what is going on and is acting like a total asshole so that he can get what he wants by playing off of Josie's far from normal attitude. So I'm in the computer/Brandon's bedroom hiding until she gets this far. I'm going to work in two hours which in most cases would be a good thing but tonight is one of our big yearly events where we're totally understaffed and rushed for service and it's got the potential to be extremely ugly.
(post script)
Last night went very well for me. I was lucky and got stuck with one of the older ladies that has a disability so I got stuck with fewer tables and right next to the entrance. On top of that we had ten open seats so we had a cake walk. Only two more nasty yearly events to go, and they are literally back to back. One ends around two in the morning and the other starts five hours from that in the morning. No sleep for the less fortunate, little sleep for those with seniority. Two weeks away, I can't wait.

LUCID DREAMING

I was plagued by work related dreams last night. I was working some strange lunch function and I had a thirty person station by myself. I got about ten of those people served, went back for more food but as soon as the plates were put on the tray I turned around to help somebody and they all just vanished into thin air. The next hour of my dream was spent waiting for food to take in and people being abusive and me being frustrated. This went on for what seemed like forever. I suddenly realized within the dream that I was dreaming though, and decided I wasn't going to dream that anymore so I changed the dream. That was the only lucid part of the dream, being able to shift gears so to speak. So next I was at a book signing or something for a guy named Joseph Sedon. That name was of some real importance. Weird.

THANKSGIVING

It was what I expected. People who said they were coming didn't come, people who weren't invited showed, people speaking Spanish, me doing the majority of the cooking and feeling like an outsider. My hearing is damaged from too many rock concerts and I don't hear all that well sometimes. Josie's brother Louie asked me a question and I didn't hear it or they were speaking Spanish and expected me to hear it, either way I didn't hear it and he though I was mad at him. Funny. One of her other brothers named Alex got so drunk the night before that he made a wrong turn, ended up on the Airforce base and didn't realize that, and then they called the cops and he got arrested for extreme DUI. Very funny. Yesterday was more like a forced work day than a holiday for me. Next time Josie pulls this and invites a ton of people over she can do all the cooking by herself and I will just hide in here and play video games. And to think I gave up working a private function for the family that owns Hallmark Cards last night for all of that. Probably would have made some serious extra cash. Oh well. Turkey is a drug! I went to bed and slept about ten hours.

IT'S TURKEY DAY!

Happy thanksgiving to everyone! Hope your Thanksgiving is better than this guys is!

CRAZY PEOPLE SHOP HERE!

See that smile? She's laughing because so many crazy people shop at Fry's. The were out in full force last night because Thanksgiving is looming in the shadows and everyone was compelled to be out shopping for all kinds of goodies at 7:00 last night. The first freak to enter into picture was this little old lady holding a written list of goods. She approaches Miranda and asks her if she knows where the milk is. Miranda was a bit puzzled by this seeing that there were employees standing in the vicinity and she was dressed nothing like them. We sent her in the direction of the milk and that was that for then. Next were the white trailer park people with the dirty kids lookin' fer the pork n' beans. Then there was the lady with kids in her shopping cart who was pushing them real fast, then suddenly distracted she just let go and the kids went crashing into frosted flakes cereal display. Around this point I started looking for hidden cameras and that guy from candid camera. Enter the lady with the list of items that approached Miranda about 30 minutes earlier. She still had the list, still was without a shopping cart, and was still frantically looking for things, nothing in hand. I was sure at this point the guy with the camera was coming out for sure. A couple of other things happened that I honestly can't remember because that was yesterday and I've had a full day today. If I remember I'll post it here.

GRANDMA OXFORD

Her funeral is tomorrow but I'm too broke to fly back for it. A lot of my earliest memories are of being at grandma Oxfords farm. I have one memory of being about three or four and my uncle Rolie was left with me and my older brother Jeff. Jeff must have been about five or six. Anyway, my  uncle who was about thirteen was going to make biscuits the way grandma did. He ended up making a mess and burning the hell out of those things. I remember my grandmother being totally pissed off and yelling. I also remember her chasing him and my uncle Clayton around the house when I was small because they were fighting. Other memories include sitting on her lap in the middle of the night during a really bad storm, her catfish stink bait (nothing in the world is more disgusting than this stuff), home made butter and ice cream, her cooking in general, and how much she meant to me as a kid.

I WILL MISS YOU!

My Grandma Oxford died this morning, will post more later.

GO WITH GOD

Why is it that everybody assumes that I'm a god fearing Christian? Is it that I look the part? I'm very confused about this and I don't like telling people that I'm an atheist mid conversation, because then the conversation either ends or turns into a religious discussion. I'm not afraid of telling people about this, I'm just speaking on a level where someone who really doesn't know me well just assumes I'm religious, even when I've never mentioned anything about Jesus or god or who ever. So, people need not to be surprised when I tell them I'm not hip to Jesus and what people think he stands for. I'm not an evil person, I don't kill babies or worship the devil, I'm just a human, same as everyone else. If your going to the candy store when you check out, fine, just don't don't send me to the microwave oven for eternity because I refuse to believe in something that doesn't exist.

BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE

Today was one of those "WTF?" kind of days. Got up late because it was Sunday and nobody had to work or go to school. That was great! Even got a little if you know what I mean! That was great too!! Then it all went down hill from there, and I'm blaming Brandon for the most part. He was in one of those "I'm a fucking spaz and I'm out of control" moods. Josie warned him about fifty million times to settle down. Didn't work. She asked me to take control of the situation and I told her that if I did and he didn't listen I was going to spank him. Well, fifty million more times of asking him to mellow out didn't work, even after I cooked him brunch. He continued to bounce off the walls until he got the idea that he was going to heat up a bread stick in the microwave for three minutes on a paper plate. One small fire and a house full of smoke was all it took to break the camels back. I got mad and he got sent to his room where he threw a fit and I got mad at him again. I guess Josie didn't want me to handle the situation after all because sending him to his room after he almost burnt the house down was being mean to him. We're talking sending someone to their room to chill, not a beating! So she started yelling at me and I said, "FUCK IT, I'm out of here." So I got dressed, got in my car and took off for the next five hours. I went out and had some drinks, went to the mall, and to best buy. Was going to go see a movie but nothing was starting soon enough when I got there. I'm such a light weight that after drinking four beers in three hours and walking it off for the next two I basically fell asleep after I got home. I ate first, but I was out by seven. Well, now I'm up and it's three in the morning typing this shit out. I've got a meeting at 10:30 a.m. and I have a feeling it's going to be ugly.

GRANDMA OXFORD

My grandmother is on her death bed, I'll try and write about her tomorrow. I can still smell her kitchen even though it's been years since I've been it it. She made the best ham and beans anyone could possibly make. I love her and I'm sad that her body is shutting down.

NO GAS SHORTAGE

Two hours of sleep and I'm already up. I have about the worst stomach ache I've had in months. I have this gas pocket sitting in my lower abdomen that just won't move so now I'm up I guess until it does. I know you were all just waiting to hear about my bowels again.

HAG VS. HAG

Worked with some of the hags today but was lucky enough not to get caught in the crossfire. They were too busy bitching back and forth over petty things such as how to place a fork on a table to be interested in anything I was doing. It was a lot like watching a couple of four year old kids get pissy over nothing. I was actually entertained by all of this. I guess I'm either mentally challenged or easy to amuse. I'm banking on mentally challenged! This isn't open for discussion.

OLD IDEAS

I think I'm going to introduce the REAL COMIX WEEKLY to this page. It was something I did on an old comedy webpage I had. It's just taking a popular new picture from the week and adding a caption or dialog. Here is an example:



I know this isn't going to sit well with some of  you, it's all just in fun. Laugh a little!

PICTURE PERFECT

Holy Jesus this guy is scary looking! Hey, and if you have three million dollars at hand you can post bail and head back to Vegas. He didn't do anything wrong anyway, he's only been sleeping with twelve year old boys. I think they should have posted his bond at some incredibly ridiculous amount so that he had to stay in jail. Oh, I forgot! This is America where rich people get away with just about everything. I also noticed that they have his race and gender wrong on this ID. Man, what next?

ATTACK OF THE KILLER HAGS

One of the hags lashed out at me for absolutely no reason yesterday. I had an abandoned cart and was hauling some needed materials for my function when I was assaulted verbally by said hag. If this person would have said, "Hey I was using that cart," I would have said, "Oh, there you go..." and gave it back. But said hag flew into a frenzy and started yelling. Well, I'm through with this hag business. I reported this to the office only to find out I wasn't the only person to go in there and complain about her. This has been going on a lot from what I understand. Someone must have gotten a talking to because she was going out of her way to be nice to me today.

TURKEY DAY

We were told at work a month ago that instead of forcing anyone to work Thanksgiving they would simply post a paper for people to sign up. This sheet was full in less than a day. A month later the schedule came out and I was listed as working. I was under the impression that only people who signed up would be working as I was told. I was asked why I didn't put in to have this day of with a request day off form. I repeated what I was told, then informed them that I had close to 20 people coming over for Thanksgiving day. I'll give my Boss props for giving me the day off and understanding. Not everyone in our dept. likes our boss but he's never intentionally done me any wrong. So I'm off almost all of next week. Who wants to go to the Cowpony on Sunday night for karaoke?

WORK

On my way to work, will post something later. Got attacked by one of the hags at work yesterday and suffered only a flesh wound. Somebody else is going to get a talking to by management. Bitch. People really do need prescription medication. Oh, and I'm a bit sad that I missed the Victoria Secret hour special last night. Got to go now, really...

MORE DREAMS

Last nights dream was pretty involved but I only remember a little bit of it. In the dream I was some how sitting on or holding a microscopic black hole. It wasn't powerful enough to suck me in because it was so small but this vortex was keeping me from standing up and was rearranging molecules in my hand and making it transparent and glow at the same time. That's all I can remember. Why all these dreams about stars and black holes all of a sudden?

MUSIC STUFF

Mr. M. Jackson had his home searched today. More little boy stuff from what I have read in the news. He's got money, he can get away with it.

My friend Kathy bought me the new release of The Beatles "Let It Be" today. She is a big Beatles fan and knows that I am too so it was very cool of her to go out and get this for me. I'm going to listen to it before I go to bed. Isn't "I Dig a Pony" one of the coolest songs ever?

YELLING AT THE ELDERLY

Some old dumb fucker totally cut me off in traffic today! I almost wrecked because of this and my heart was pumping like a mad fucker and the adrenaline was flowing like hell! I sped up to catch this asshole and pulled up next to him and let him know how stupid he was. This guy had no clue and his wife just pointed at me with her withered little hand and scowled at me like some nasty old witch straight out of a kids movie. I felt like a total retard for yelling at them in traffic but wrecking my car this morning wasn't on my list of to do's and they are lucky I was paying attention during all of this. People in Tucson drive like shit, no doubt about it. Some brainless fuck is going to kill me one of these days in traffic, I can just feel it.

DREAM WEIRDNESS

It's been a while since I've had a weird dream or nightmare or whatever you want to call it but after taking the kids to school today I went back to bed and woke up at noon after having this dream:

I went to see my physician Dr. Perrian in my dream. I was feeling weak and had been breaking out with cold sores and some lesions on my face. After feeling the glands under my chin he tells me I'm going to die. I get one of those tunnel effects like in a horror movie when something bad has happened and I'm totally thrown for a loop. I start sobbing and can't believe I'm actually going to die. I ask how long I have left and he tells me it's less than a month. Now I really loose it. I start explaining how Josie won't be able to do things without me, I don't want to leave my kids behind. He's trying to console me and takes me to a special room that is like a bedroom that he stays in when he's working late but it's not working. He asks me if I know what caused this form of lymphatic cancer. I say no and then he goes on to tell me it's from eating Three Musketeers candy bars. I have a hard time understanding how I could eat so few of these and be effected like this. All of a sudden I'm at Harrison Hills (now Pantano Vista) mobile home park where I used to live before the new millennium. The home we live in is very nice, not the same one I lived in but in the same lot. I've told Josie I'm going to die and she is taking it like it's no big deal. I have relatives over eating and hanging out and I just can't be inside with them so I go for a walk. I'm crying the whole time and I work up the courage to go back. I find a younger version of Brandon and tell him I love him and ask him if he understands that. He tells me yes. This woke me up instantly.

TRAFFIC WEIRDNESS

Last night on the way home from work I pulled up to a stop light at Swan and Sunrise heading east. I was in the left lane with the left turn lane next to me and a car in front of me. A motorcycle pulls up into the turn lane then suddenly zips over into our lane and stopping in the crosswalk in front of the car that is in front of me. This angers the driver of that car and he hits the gas, and then the break both really fast. I'm not sure if he bumped the motorcycle or not because I couldn't see over the car. The motorcyclist gets real pissed off and backs his motorcycle up against the front driver side of the car and scratches it with the tire or foot rest. A shouting match breaks out and the light turns green. Thirty seconds go by and they are still yelling so I rolled down my window and yell, "Hey you fucking retards, this isn't fucking high school, let's go!" They both look back, the guy in the car is just about to yell back and the motorcycle speeds off. The guy in the car spins out after him and I just kind of tag along but not going over the speed limit. The motorcycle is long gone, I catch up with the scratched car at the next light where he turns off. I thought someone was going to get hurt in all of this. So a guy cut in line, big fucking deal! Is that a reason to charge someone with a car? I didn't wish bad things on either of them as they played this all out in a childish manor. The last time I did wish something like that was when someone was fucking around in traffic and I said he was going to kill someone. Seconds later he decapitated a crack addict on a bicycle. Oh, let's not forget that he got out of his car then ran home and blew his head off with a shotgun in his shower. I lead a strange existence.

PISSING CONTEST PART II

Little Mr. Tiny Pepperton got away yesterday. Somehow he managed to slip out the back through the garage when nobody was looking. This happened as I was going to go lay down and take a nap before work. About 45 minutes later Josie comes in the bedroom yelling that Tiny was missing, that he must have gotten out. I freaked and ran out side and started looking for him. I found him down in the ally about 25 to 50 yards away. Now this is the funny part. Mr. Pepperton was bobbing back and forth, darting from one weed to a neighbors wall, then to another weed, then a trash can, then another weed, then some grass. Why? He was pissing on anything and everything he could possibly lift his leg to. This is why he only made it as far as he had in an hour! How could a dog so small hold that much piss? I guess he needed to rack up points for this silly pissing game that he and Nicky are always playing. I would say he is still winning.

ORGAN DONORS

I worked one of the creepiest lunches I can ever remember. It was a simple lunch for about sixty but the room was packed with organs! No, not body parts but very expensive modern organs. Basically they were synthesizers incased with really nice wood and lots of flashing lights. These organ salesmen had a room full of elderly people who basically had one foot in the grave and were pressuring these old folk into buying one of their $50,000 organs, Yes, $50,000 for a bare bones organ! It was the way these guys operated and the way they looked that made it so creepy. Only way I can explain it is if you took Liberace and crossed him with a funeral director and a porn actor. The guys were just as greasy and slimy as they get. The way they were talking to some of these people was just awful! One salesman was being a total  asshole and talking down to this elderly gentleman who keep telling him that he couldn't afford this organ. The salesperson keep telling him, "Oh, don't give me that crap! Now come on, let's do this and get this thing done!" Other salesmen had a different approach, giving back rubs and doing everything but making out with some of these old ladies. I know old ladies need lovin too, but it was like a bad porn movie, acting and all. I actually went home and took a shower after all of this. I've never felt so violated after serving people lunch. Professional help may be required.

WORK ATE MY BALLS

Work has me by the balls right now, don't have time to type out a whole lot. Guests telling me shitting stories, working functions for the creepiest clients ever, more to come tomorrow or the next day. I'm beat, but it's great to be making some money.

NOW YAH DUN IT!

I think I've dun pissed of some people er sumpthin! Man, maybe it was all the talk about death that pissed people off. Or the anti-Jesus stuff you see here now and then. My hit's have been way down the past three days, but hey I write it as it happens. I never said I wasn't going to offend anyone. Well, happier days are here anyway. If I've done something utterly wrong, please comment about it in the comment box and we will see what we can do. It's not like I posted naked pictures of myself.

EATING

I've been eating out of control at work the past few days! Jesus! Eating is an understatement! What has happened is that we have had clients in the really know how to pick great food and that is all I have been around for the past few days. A group we had two nights ago had a dinner that was actually set reception style with lots of different stations. They had a shrimp, crab, and oyster bar (this is where I went overboard), carved pork tenderloin, a stir fry station, a pasta station where they were cooking up fresh shrimp, not to mention tons of great desserts (I never made it that far)! At the end of that evening the group moved on and went to a hospitality suit for drinks and a cheese board. We started breaking everything down as usual when the whole group leaves like that. Twenty minutes later, and about ten minutes from going home, the head meeting planner for the group walks in with two late arrivals and made us set the whole thing back up, just for two people. She couldn't just ask for us to go in the back where the food is kept and make up some plates, we had to set the whole thing back up. Bitch. The people we have now are all very nice. It's a Travel company based out of Omaha Nebraska and seeing I grew up in Burwell Nebraska (small nothing hick town) the people I work with have been pointing out to the guests that I grew up there. A good 75% of these people have never even heard of Burwell, but the ones that have all make a joke about rodeo or livestock. I think it was a wise decision moving to Tucson back in the 80's!

PERPETUAL PISSING PETS

I was just reading another blog where I mentioned the fact that two of my four dogs have engaged in this ongoing pissing contest. There is only one rule, you just keep pissing on things, no matter what. I think the more creative you become with pissing the more points you score. Well, Mr. Pepperton is kicking ass because he's taken to pissing on the other dogs. Poor Nala just sits there like some forgotten Benny Hill skit as Tiny just pisses away. Listen, you can hear the Benny Hill theme song even now. He even tried to piss on Brandon's leg the other day! What a little shit! But you got to love him, he's still the most loveable little guy in the world. I want to start pissing on people I don't like, imagine the reaction I would get! Nah, maybe not. The last thing I need is people mocking my penis as I urinate on them.

DEATH

Went to the viewing today of a friends wife. Turns out she died from blood clots forming in her legs then moving up to her brain, lungs, and heart. We only walked in long enough to pay our respects, and then went outside and talked to friends. Seeing the 13 year old son cry about sent me over the edge. Seeing Javier sitting there just totally out of it was hard too. I couldn't stand to be in there, I just didn't want to deal with it. Plus it was all family members that I don't know in there, everyone I knew was standing outside. The last funeral I was at was about three years ago when our neighbor died. Kathy had been sick for a long time but she never said what from. She and her husband were Christians so other than being nice neighbors we didn't do a whole lot together. It wasn't announced until her funeral that she had died of AIDS. She was afraid of what people would think of her having AIDS and didn't want anyone to know. Wow, talk about a fucking shocker!! I was disturbed enough watching her son cry, but when they brought up the fact that it was AIDS, and then the preacher started on the "It's because of homosexuals and their sin that she died" rant I just clinched up and wanted to start beating heads. Well, no, she got it through sex with her first husband who got it from a blood transfusion. Luckily she didn't pass it on to her second husband or their child. It irks the hell out of me when people start blaming homosexuals for things like this. I'm not going to climb up on my soap box for this one but it's just absurd! Anyway, the funeral is tomorrow. I hate funerals because most funerals are held in churches, that and the fact that someone you know has died.

PARENTS

My parents are both doing lousy! My mom's back is out for some reason (really bad) and my dad has a testicle that has swollen three times the normal size. Looks like they won't be out for Christmas this year because of this. Them not coming out is kind of a good thing though because I want to be working in December to make up for the lack of work this summer. Business is looking up as is the economy. I hope nothing is wrong with them. I still have to call the a specialist for Josie to take a look at her thyroid. Hope nothing major is going on with Josie. This has been just about one of the worst years of my life. Can it get any better?

THE DOGHOUSE

Poor Nala and Cocoa have been banished to the garage. I put linoleum tile in the back room so that when Josie's mom moves in there this coming weekend it will have a nice floor. The dogs have a bad habit of chewing on things or even pissing on new things so they no longer have a place in the back room. I'm buying them a doghouse to place in the garage along with a doggie door to the garage but tonight they get to sleep on blankets. Nicky and Mr. Peperton are sleeping with Miranda in her bed but still have a place in the utility room. I need to devise a way to keep Mr. Pepperton in there because he knows how to climb the baby gate we have up. Cocoa learned how to jump the gate this week as well but now that he is no longer allowed in that back room it's not a problem.

DREAM WEIRDNESS

I don't know how much attention you've been paying attention to what has been happening with the sun, but it's been real spastic as of late. Well, I guess this is affecting my subconscious and I had a dream about it this morning. I dreamt that I was walking out my front door when all of a sudden there was the hugest most deafening  explosive sound I have ever heard. Then almost as quick everything kind of jumped like a shock wave hit, dust flying and things quaking, and then everything went black. I knew the Sun had imploded and that this was the end. I actually felt myself slipping into death, I was saying something to Jesus, and I was almost dead when I realized that it wasn't the end, things were light again outside, and everyone had overreacted. I woke up and said out loud, "Fuck that shit!" It's bad enough that the sun isn't behaving normally, but Christianity has truly fucked me up mentally and it even affects my sleep. I'm not very happy about that, not one bit! Shame on my parents for shoving that useless crap down my throat as a kid and fucking me up forever.

SHOP BABY SHOP!

We went to go get Josie's mom a bed today. I had planned on spending about $400 but ended up spending $1500. Josie's mom bought a bed a stand and some other stuff. Good thing we have credit! She will be paying us back little by little. I'm going to try to rally the family into helping with this. We also bought Brandon a new bed. We bought his old one at a garage sale five years ago and it's just falling apart. So he got a bed too. Thank Eos for credit! We took a few pictures of the event, you can click on them at the left on this page. I haven't figured out the cell phone camera yet and for some reason it took real good pictures but they were real small and look grainy when blown up a bit. Go figure.

SUN SHINE BLOWN UP YOUR COLON

The group we had last night was a Christian youth group. It was a dessert buffet program with very little food to go around for 560 people. They were being charged $12.50 a person wich is a bargain seeing that they got a ton of coffee, hot and iced tea, three desserts per person (people were taking up to 8), and so on. A regular group would have had to pay around $40 a person or more for what they had last night. So with all the people we had working on this function would say I got bent over in the name of Jesus. It's going to suck our tip pool dry. On a lighter side, the people putting on this program were all very plastic and fake. I don't think they knew it but the music they chose for their skits were all about sex, transexuals, and drugs. One group was talking about Ann Coulter saying, Isn't she pretty, isn't she so smart? Isn't she the greatest? I was thinking, "Isn't she a Nazi?" The best part was everyone who didn't get dessert was wondering when more were coming out. Well, for $12.50 a person you don't get $40 worth of desserts per person, go have some tea. I hope their contract is up because I hate to pay people to come to the resort and complain about how little food they have when they don't want to pay for it. Jesus should have been there turning your desserts into a six course meal, your coffee into wine, and your plastic asses into real people.

MOTHERS DAY

I have some time to myself all of a sudden and I don't know what to do! One of Josie's sisters came and picked up their mother early today so it's giving me a day by myself, a half a day anyway. This situation with Josie's mom isn't getting any better. In the process of trying to straighten things out I've learned that it's a big tangled mess that is making me ill just trying figure out all of what has happened. Her Medicare is all messed up, her doctor will no longer see her because the sister her mom was living with hasn't taken her to any check ups, she's diabetic, has high blood pressure, and nothing much has been done to treat any of it. This doctor knows she's knocking on deaths door, as do I, but everyone else in their family just kind of walks around it all. LaVerne, the sister her mom had been living with, called yesterday and I let her have it. Seeing she has stolen about $10,000 from her own mother, and is just an irresponsible  piece of shit, I let her know it. I called her a dolt then asked her if she knew what that was. She didn't. I managed to get a few things ironed out but next I have to tackle the Medicare issue and see what has happened. Why is it that out of a Chicano family of 13 brothers and sisters a white guy that most of them don't even like is fixing things for them? I wonder if they even care. That is pathetic and sad, it makes me sick to my stomach.

OLD LADIES DIG ME

Why is it that only old ladies hit on me? Seriously! Tonight I was working a function down by the pool and was lucky enough to be carving some of the best tasting turkey breast you can imagine. There was a band playing very close to where I was carving. At one point an old lady made her way around my carving station and was dancing right next to me. She had a glass of wine in each hand, red in her left and white in her right. She backed her ass up and was rubbing it on me. Okay! I tried to strike up conversation with her so she would be facing me because I didn't want her ass touching me. She was telling me that if her husband didn't come back soon that she was going to drag me out there and dance. She also told me that I couldn't refuse because she was the client and it's my job to make the client happy. She walked away and I managed to get someone to cover for me while I took a break. Later on in the evening the lady came back by with her husband and told me I should still be prepared to go dancing soon. I looked at her husband and I think he's been through this before because he just looked down and shook his head. I got to go home before I had to dance with her. I can't get that "come hither" look she was giving me out of my head now. Ick.

DEATH

One of the guys I know at work who works with Josie had the misfortune of his wife passing away yesterday while he was at work. She was pretty young and this was all very sudden. She had been suffering from migraine headaches lately and I don't know for sure but I bet she had an aneurysm. I feel bad about this but there is nothing I can do to make it better. Josie was pretty sad at work today.

MY NEW AREA

This is my new computer area. We got the dog/computer room cleaned up and painted so that Josie's mom can move in there. She needs a bed still. She was going to buy one but her social security check was short by $200. I get to call up and find out what happened tomorrow. I need to get her in that room so that Brandon can have his room back. I like my new computer area because it's clean and no dogs. I also made the desktop and screen saver on my computer a devil theme because everyone has to pass by the computer when they enter the house. It's a great conversation piece.

HALLOWEEN

It didn't quite go according to plan, but then it never does. My plans were to go to BestBuy and get a DVD as soon as my niece and her kids came over to go trick-or-treating with Josie and our kids. I was going to hand out candy, eat popcorn and candy, drink Iced tea (trying to cut out the Pepsi in my diet), watch my horror movie while trying to fight off the obligatory Halloween boner. Yeah, I really love Halloween that much! So what happened? Well, seeing that the cycle of things breaking down around here isn't quite over yet my brother-in-law Jose came over with Lina and his mother to fix a pipe under the sink that was leaking. I went and got LUCKY WISHBONE  chicken  for the masses, and if you have never had their chicken then your missing out! Garlic toast, chicken, jalapeno peppers and french fries! Good stuff!! My niece didn't come over because they changed their plans, I ended up taking the kids out around the neighborhood until around 8:45 p.m. when Brandon gave up, and made it to Best Buy in time to buy my movie. Everyone here was watching THE RING when I got back and then I ended up making popcorn and watching PBS. NOVA was a two hour special on relativity and string theory and it was really interesting. I fell asleep with about a half hour left in the program and woke up early this morning with a kink in my neck. So, I didn't get the proverbial Halloween boner, I didn't watch my movie, and I still had a good time. Forgot to get pictures of the kids in costume. Miranda was a goth punk chick and Brandon was the HULK.

UH... CALL ME?

Ever say something you didn't find all that funny but everybody else just starts rolling? We were in the back area at work two nights ago and the radio was on. BAD TO THE BONE by George Thorogood came on and I just kind of started singing, ad lib of course, but changing the words around to I'VE GOT MADGE ON THE PHONE, singing about how:


I had just dialed up
and asked are you alone?
Will it be your visa?
I had Madge on the phone
M-m-m-m-m-m-m-adge
M-m-m-m-m-m-m-adge
M-m-m-m-m-m-m-adge
Madge on the phone



Kind of one of those 1-900-hot-sexx numbers I guess. It got a big laugh. I was just being silly off the top of my head but everybody accused me of thinking this up ahead of time. Sure, like I knew they were going to play that song. James told me he'll never be able to listen to that song ever again without thinking about Madge being on the phone. I really do need to get back into doing stand up.

MOTHER-IN-LAW

Josie's mom moved in and so far so good. Her sister gave back her medical cards and some other important stuff after I threatened to bring over the police. Her mother is kind of scared of me I think because she has mostly stayed in the bedroom other than taking a shower. I'm sure that will go away before long. Were going to hook her up with her own bed and t.v. in here as soon as we get things squared away. She was being treated pretty poorly at her sisters house. I don't think she wants to go back but I wouldn't be surprised if she did anyway. Let's just call it an educated guess.

BLOGROLL

Added JozJozJoz to the blog roll. It's on the right side of the page. Been reading it for quite some time but never got around to putting it up. Take a gander at her lovely blog page. I also have BuzzNet photos on the right hand side. Will be adding more soon. It's funny, those pictures spark interest. One person thinks I'm pretty fucked up, the other called me a fag. I've got one of them on the IM right now. Here is what Chelsee69@aol.com has to say:

shyven1666: Who is this, do I know you or are you just a troll who likes to fuck with people on the internet?
Chelsee69: do you believe in god?
shyven1666: no
Chelsee69: well your gay then .
shyven1666: cool, then you agree with what your dad was saying as he sucked my dick last night.

I guess Chelsee69@aol.com didn't have a good comback. Do me a favor and send lots of e-mail or IMs to this person for being such a dick.

PHOTOS

You can now see photos of things and people I mention here on my blog at JOE OXFORD BUZZNET Not a lot up yet but will try and get as many pics as I can up. There is a link to this page at the top, just click "My Photo Album."

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HELLO, IT'S ME

People have asked so I thought I would post what I looked like. These are in no way flattering I will say that much. The first picture is me on a cater out function and everyone working got to dress up for a group picture. Can't find the original full picture but it depicts all of us at a whore house in the 1800's. The middle picture is me at the KON TIKI drinking Mexican beer with friends, lost the full picture of this one as well. The picture on the left is taken at the resort where I work. There you have it, me in all my splendor

OTHER DREAM WEIRDNESS

A regular reader had a dream about me a few nights ago. She's never met me but had a dream so I just had to post this:

THE DREAM OF MARIE ST. JOHN

I dreamt that you and I were hanging out having a slumber party, which was pretty good except when all your pals from the methadone clinic showed up. Even though they were loud, and pretty stinky, they brought pot brownies. We ate all the brownies and you showed me all of your tattoos, including a breathtaking image of Insane Clown Posse that covered your entire back. Although I haven't the slightest idea what you look like, in my dream you were pretty dreamy.

Now is that funny or what? I have been dreaming quite a bit but nothing weird enough to remember.

QUINCEANERA

Went to my nieces quinceanera last night. I was bored stiff because I don't dig Tejano music all that much, but the band was really good. There is a bar that has a big Karaoke night just around the corner but they were having a pool tournament so I went back to the dance hall. Lot's of drunk people, lot's of good Mexican food, lot's of new impressions of the in-laws! Josie's brothers Frank and Martin were beyond fucked up. Martin would stand up, hold his beer up and out like an Olympic torch, and just stand there. I guess it was some form of libation. He would also dance very stiffly at times, barely moving. Funny as hell. On the other hand, Frank was just stumbling drunk. We just got a phone call just this second about Frank! Sounds like he had a heart attack! Weird, got to go...

BREAK DOWN

Josie had a breakdown at work today. She was all emotional and probably overreacted. I thought about this and figured it was a good thing in the long run. She is due for one of these fits and it's usually aimed at me but it wasn't today so I scored. I should be more sympathetic but I look at it as dodging a bullet. Work for the most part is a shit hole as far as the atmosphere goes. Everyone is unhappy with all the extra work being force on them and the attitude of management. Life goes on. I'm too tired to care at this point. Tomorrow is going to be another long day and I will just have to cope. One thing weird did happen at work today during lunch. There was a very attractive blond lady in my section and she kept staring at me, and would even smile now and again. This threw me for a loop, I have no idea what she was staring at. The zipper was up and I didn't have a kick me sign on so what gives? I'm too tired to think at this point, I need to go to sleep now.

HERE COMES A BITCHFEST!

I just got home after working a twelve hour shift at work. It was an ass kicker to boot! We have STARBUCKS Corp. at the resort and I stayed on to help in between shifts today to work a coffee and tea display. The person that was supposed to work with me cried like a bitch so I told her to take off and I would find someone else to help me. After the fact I found out that she had no clue what she had been doing, provided me with a ton of wrong information, and I had to redo and undo a lot of things that had been started. When I found someone who said he would help, he then started crying like a little bitch and he just up and left me to work three rooms worth of coffee and tea displays by myself. I ran my ass off for two hours straight. Then after the function was over the guy in charge told me I could have a bunch of free coffee but I didn't even have time to take any of it. I get to my next function and am told that I have to work a triple shift tomorrow, starting at 5:00 a.m. and basically told I had no say in the matter. I went and had a talk with my boss, and he agreed that not everyone can just up and rewrite their life in less than twelve hours. I was going to work the shift anyway but I found someone who wanted to work it for me so that was one hell of a lucky break for me. There are quite a few people that have had enough of this kind of stuff at work and are ready to quit. If I could find a job that pays as well as mine does I too would be ready to go elsewhere but I think I'm pretty much stuck doing what I do for now. Oh, I had the owners of MARS candy at one of my tables a few nights ago, or so I'm told. I'm tired and rambling, I'm sorry. I have two more long days this week to go. I did have a ton of STARBUCKS products to drink today, all very good. I'm still rambling. Oh, Miranda got her report card today and made honor roll again. Very proud!!! Brandon is doing well in school as well. I'm lucky to have kids who are bright and don't cause trouble. I'll shut up and try to go to bed now. Did I mention the fact that STARBUCKS has a lot of very pretty women working for them on a corporate level? It's true! Okay, I'll stop now.

TAKEN

Anyone watching this series or seen it in the past? Very cool! Think I'm going to have to buy it on DVD. I've seen all of it except the first hour or so, mist it all four times it has been played. What's your opinion on abductions? I really do think something is going on, call me crazy but it's my gut feeling.

BLOGS

What are some of your favorite blogs? I'm curious because I'm always looking for funny and interesting blogs. Please drop some links in the comments section.

LUBE?

Dennis is pretty funny most of the time, and he was pretty funny at work the other day handing out little packets of ointment to people and telling them to meet him in the bathroom in twenty minutes. Then he did it to a guy who had been sexually molested when he was young and he didn't find it very funny. You would think a person could pick up on it but Dennis either didn't know or wasn't getting the cue or both. Anyway, I pulled him aside and told him he had better stop before he got taken to human resources. Didn't stop. So I worked with the guy in question yesterday and he mentioned that my buddy Dennis was close to getting fired. I called Dennis and it had already sunk in and he felt bad about it. This is good because it was close.

That whole day was messed up, Saturday being that day. One of the most fucked up days I can remember. There is a new supervisor at work who has no clue what he is doing in his department. I would say he was responsible for about 50 percent of the mess we had to work with on Saturday. I'm going to be talking to some higher up people about this one. This guy needs to be stopped now before it becomes habit forming.